Many people believe that if a person cheats on somebody that it will become a habitual pattern and he will continue to cheat on the next person, etc...

I myself, whom BTW I honestly have never cheated, believe that we should give a person the benefit of the doubt, especially when it comes from a previous relationship.

I believe that there is a unique dynamic that will exist between two people and there are so many factors that could influence whether a person will cheat or not.

I feel about this in much the same way I feel about the fact that some people seem to bring out the worst in us whereas others will bring out our better qualities.

So... would you date a person who has cheated in past relationships? I certainly would.

Thank You

~ david ~

Well I doubt they would say the have... when meeting someone new... so I would not even know would it bother maybe

If for some reason we were talking about our past, and she mentions she had cheated, id have to know why before I could decide if she is trustworthy. And even then I'd be skeptical, although I would give her a chance, and wouldn't like hold it over her head or anything.

I mean if she is telling me out right that she has cheated... (when like the previous poster mentioned I doubt they would admit it) then she is showing some degree of honesty.

I don't know it's a tough choice to make, but people CAN change.

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So... would you date a person who has cheated in past relationships? I certainly would.

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No, I wouldn't. You seem to give more credit to interpersonal dynamics than I do. To me, I believe it's largely an individual thing, largely independent of interpersonal dynamics. If someone cheated on their previous partner, is their really any reason to believe that they wouldn't cheat on me? I don't think so. Is it really realistic to think that I could do something to stop someone from cheating on me, whereas their former partner couldn't? What do I have that they don't have? Or, conversely, one could ask what do they have that I don't have? I really don't believe that any given person is going to act any differently with me than with the next (or previous) person. People are who they are and nothing you can do is going to control or shape any person's character. A person's character is something that only (s)he has control over.

Let's say you gave this person a chance. What happened in their past is not what has happened so far, in your relationship. Are you going to look any more serious at their goings-on? Perhaps be a bit more wary of where they say they go and who they see? Will you view reasons a person stays late at work as a mere excuse to see someone behind your back? Or that constant girlfriend who calls and then she says, "I have to go and meet Carol, she is having problems."

Then what happens if you find out, from a friend or neighbor or co-worker that she did cheat on you? Don't you dare bring up the other relationsship! Even though the previous relationship set a precedent - you cannot use that as ammo. You were the one who decided to trust and go forward.

Depends of a lot of factors. Age, level of commitment in their relationship, etc. If the person cheated in their past when they were young and in a casual relationship, I wouldn't assume anything. If someone was in a mature, serious committed relationship and cheated on their partner in the past, I would definitely have to think twice about that. Yes sometimes it's a one time thing, but I think there are "serial cheaters" out there who'd I want to be sure to stay away from.

But face it, we've all done things in our past at some point that we're not proud of, so you can't hold things against someone for any mistakes they've made in the past.

I think I would date someone who has cheated, based on their reasoning, and if they were open about it. Although, I think maybe if I fell for that person, then who knows if I might start to get suspicious of her activities and whatnot.

No!!

No I would not and nor would I did anyone knowing he was in a relationship

Saying "once a cheater, always a cheater" ticks me off to no end.

That's like saying "once a nag, always a nag!' or "Once a selfish, ungrateful jerk, always a selfish ungrateful jerk" or "once a work-before-love person, always a work-before-love person" or "once promiscuous and not worth dating, only having sex with, then always that way"

People CHANGE. Are you REALLY the same person you were at 20 now that you're older? Would you or do you have the Same dating protocols?

Yes, there are serial cheaters out there---but there are people out there with all SORTS of horrible habits in dating. How about the guy that NEVER brought a girl flowers until one broke up with him for never showing affection? Do you really think he'd continue to never bring flowers, if she told him that's why she broke up with him? Or the woman that cared more about what people thought of HER than what her boyfriend thought of her? Do you think she'd be that self-centered in her next relationship, or do you think maybe, just maybe, she'd learn from it and grow?

Judging someone by something they did ONCE, especially without the full story about WHY, is like judging someone by their clothes or their car--shallow, pointless, and close-minded.

My answer is no, because who has time for head games, and wondering if they will cheat on you.

Thanks for all of the replies so far. Synnen... your reply was very well said and I'm not saying that just because I agree with you.

Thank You

~ david ~

I cheated on a girlfriend ONCE a LONG time ago and have never cheated again. I felt TERRIBLE about it, and would never want to put someone (or myself) throguh that again.

Yeah, I'd give a once-cheater another chance... so long as it wasn't me they'd cheated on!

I'm with all the posters who said people change!

I've cheated on past girlfriends... not something I'm proud of! I just think, looking back, that those relationships were doomed anyway! I don't think they understood me or my needs and I don't think I really understood theirs!

But now, all that has changed and I have someone who 'gets' me, and I, in return understand her... and it's AWESOME! He he!

Now it makes me feel physically sick even beginning to imagine ever doing something like that again!

So yeah, this leapord has changed his spots! Ha ha!

Surprisingly enough, I agree with the handsome fellow iAMfromHuntersBar!

We have come to this relationship both with colourful pasts, some of which we are not proud of! However now we have found each other again, the notion of cheating is alien!

So, you are welcome to come back in a few years time and ask us again!

Hehe!

:p

People can change if they want to, no matter what they have done, but you owe it to yourself, to make sure they have, and not just giving lip service.

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Originally Posted by BigDaveinNJ

Many people believe that if a person cheats on somebody that it will become a habitual pattern and he will continue to cheat on the next person, etc...

I myself, whom BTW I honestly have never cheated, believe that we should give a person the benifit of the doubt, especially when it comes from a previous relationship.

I believe that there is a very unique dynamic that will exist between two people and there are so many factors that could influence whether or not a person will cheat or not.

I feel about this in much the same way I feel about the fact that some people seem to bring out the worst in us whereas others will bring out our better qualities.

So... would you date a person who has cheated in past relationships? I certainly would.

Thank You

~ david ~

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Yeah course I would.. my boyfriend hasn't had a girlfriend that he hasn't cheated on. But since we have been together he has only cheated once. But I forgave him because I love him. Who cares if they have cheated previously that's the past. :)

I think another good question is... Would you be with someone who used you to cheat and wanted a relationship?

I don't think I would.