Well basically I got pregnant years ago.. I know many people say this but I am DEAD serious that I only cheated ONE time on him, and I didn't feel like I cheated because the other guy was having issues working with his equipment if you catch my drift.. anyhow it was only ONE TIME and a few months later.. I kept throwing up and finally decided to go to the doctor whom said I was pregnant.. well.. my boyfriend was really happy and eveything was fine until the guy I cheated on my boyfriend with heard the news and went spreading rumors that he was sooo sure the baby was his and not my boyfriend. He even went directly to my boyfriend and told him to get a dna test.. well I promised up and down to my boyfriend that it was a lie because I don't feel like the other dude ever even got an erection; I think he was even a virgin. Anyhow my son was born and my son is very VERY light skinned like me and the "other" guy.. my boyfriend is very dark skin(we are all spanish).. the other guy was deported from this country and would try to contact me but I avoided him as much as possible.. now after my son is now 4 and a half yrs old and my BF/fiance is on the birth certificate, my boyfriend now wants a paternity test because he feels like he will never get the stress out.. and I feel the same(stressed out/depressed/worried about the results).. we will get a paternity test next week.. and I am worried that when I get them-if they show he is NOT the father- that I will not want to let him know unless he is the father.. I know he deserves to know.. but he told me no matter what he will be around.. so why does it matter then?! I would hate to have to explain this whole mess to my son later.. someone please help me

If you boyfriend is not the farther you shouldn't stop his real dad from seeing him, he is his farther and has a right to know him, your going to have to face the consequences of cheating on your boyfriend if your son turns out not to be his I'm afraid and just try to face up to it.

BTW- 'why does it matter'!! Are you serious!! your boyfriend wants to know if he is a farther or not, if he stays around and its not his all the praise to him, but he does have the right to know as well, if you can't give him trust at least give him that!

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Originally Posted by mogoverthemoon

if you bf is not the farther you shouldnt stop his real dad from seeing him, he is his farther and has a right to know him,


BTW- 'why does it matter'!!!! are you serious!!, your bf wants to know if he is a farther or not, if he stays around and its not his all the praise to him, but he does have the right to know as well, if you can't give him trust at least give him that!

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OK.. you are completely right about the "real father should know him"... BUT this is the thing.. the possible other guy doesn't even want to be a father.. he just wanted to "look cool" going up to my BF and saying "yo.. youre raising my kid"... thank God he got deported to his country and he is out of the picture.. its not like I'm denying him anything-he wouldn't be a man and take care of the kid even if he WAS the father..

But the second part you said; you are completely right.. and I will do the test; and if it turns out that he is not the father, I will let him know, because believe it or not- I DO want to do what is right.. :confused:

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Originally Posted by veryworried

well basically i got pregnant years ago.. i know many ppl say this but i am DEAD serious that i only cheated ONE time on him, and i didnt feel like i cheated because the other guy was having issues working with his equipment if u catch my drift.. anyhow it was only ONE TIME and a few months later.. i kept throwing up and finally decided to go to the doctor whom said i was pregnant.. well.. my boyfriend was really happy and eveything was fine until the guy i cheated on my bf with heard the news and went spreading rumors that he was sooo sure the baby was his and not my bf. he even went directly to my bf and told him to get a dna test.. well i promised up and down to my bf that it was a lie bc i dont feel like the other dude ever even got an erection; i think he was even a virgin. anyhow my son was born and my son is very VERY light skinned like me and the "other" guy.. my bf is very dark skin(we are all spanish).. the other guy was deported from this country and would try to contact me but i avoided him as much as possible.. now after my son is now 4 and a half yrs old and my BF/fiance is on the birth certificate, my bf now wants a paternity test bc he feels like he will never get the stress out.. and i feel the same(stressed out/depressed/worried about the results).. we will get a paternity test next week.. and i am worried that when i get them-if they show he is NOT the father- that i will not want to let him know unless he is the father.. i know he deserves to know.. but he told me no matter what he will be around.. so why does it matter then?!! i would hate to have to explain this whole mess to my son later.. someone please help me

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OK.. dna swabs were mailed to lab yesterday!! Results should be in ina week!

One thing bothers me here. This business of "i didnt feel like i cheated because the other guy was having issues working with his equipment". Umm are you a sex therapist? Were you working with this guy in a professional capacity? C'mon girl, you screwed the guy and he came back and screwed you.

A relationship is built on trust. I don't know what your relationship was with your fiancée 5+ years ago (5 years is a long time to be engaged), but you should have been honest with him from the beginning. BEFORE the test results come back you should own up to your mistake, apologize and tell him that no matter what, you and your son will always consider him the dad.

I DID tell him that I cheated.. I told him the truth.. and whether it is believable or not; it's the truth-HIS PENIS DID NOT EVEN GET HARD ENOUGH TO COME INSIDE ME...
That doesn't mean however that he did not have sperm on him; therefore I worried I might get pregnant.. anyway the results will be in shortly..

Yes, only a small amount of sperm is needed. It's that easy to fall pregnant, eh. Had the world been created differently, it could have been the male you met in the first place in that predicament, and not you :)

The main thing to remember is that you made a clear choice to be with your fiancé prior to knowing you were pregnant to anyone. So you can honestly say to him and anyone else that cares to listen, that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with your current partner. And when you found out you were pregnant, you genuinely thought of him to be the natural father of your baby, because that's what you really wanted to be true. But really, you don't need to explain anything to anyone else, besides your fiancé. So emotionally, I'd say you're guiltless, and that you obviously made the right choice as to which man to be with.

And don't forget that your fiancé knows without any doubt that you chose him over the other guy who obviously did nothing for you emotionally, or otherwise. That he's raised your son together with you from the moment you learnt you were pregnant, would give him a lot of reasons to feel good about himself and his family.

I'd forget about the circumstances in which you were with the other guy. It sounds like a dumb thing to have done at the time, but it was years ago and your life has changed dramatically since then. And it's still possible that your husband is the natural father of your son, regardless of the colour of your baby's skin. In any case, your fiancé has been a real father to your child.

You just have to face the "facts" of your earlier actions. You can only take it from there.

Best of luck to you though - I hope it all works out for the best for you and your partner, and your son :)