Hello everyone, sadly my husband died 9 months ago, and lately I have started having very disturbing dreams which make me feel sad for days afterwards. I am sitting in the carriage of a train when someone tells me that my husband is in the next carriage. I go to the next carriage to find him walking through to another carriage. Eventually I do catch up with him in the last carriage. He is looking very fit and healthy and very smartly dressed. I tell him that I am now confused because he had died and he was cremated. He tells me that he has come back. When I suggest that we go back home he tells me that he isn't coming back to live with me. Can anyone explain this?

You miss him horribly... and don't want to let go, or wrap your head around that he isn't coming back. I can understand your depression - he's telling you he isn't coming home with you and you want him to - it's almost like a choice that he's making not to stay with you... but reality - it's not a choice he's made. I think that it may be worse if, in your dream, he does come home with you and you wake up and he's not there.

The grieving process takes on different forms for each of us - none of them are "wrong"... it's a process. There's sadness, anger, possibly regret, all before acceptance. It may help you to talk to a professional counselor. If you feel you are stuck and can't move past the death, it may help to talk to someone who can assist you through the process.

No one can tell you how to grieve... or that you should be "over it by now and get on with your life"... it's not that easy for some.

I'm sorry for your loss and truly wish it were easier for you - in time it will get different - not easier, but different. You will never stop missing him, but the pain will not be so hard to bear with time. He lives in your memory - remember the good times and talk about those times - that helped me - and still does.

Take care!

My husband Died this march 15 2010 , I am living for our kid , so cute baby , that we got after 5 yrs treatment , we were having a lot of dream , but was not able to live , June 20 th is our 8 th wedding anniversary , I have to spent with my loving husband . I love and loved him like anything ,but now I have to survive for my kid with out him . It is very... very... painfull for me , but some how I am living .

Zz

Pray to God .God will help us to face the reality .

Well I have recently lost my husband, six weeks ago we had only been married 1 year and two weeks and had just started trying for a baby. He loved children so much it breaks my heart that I never gave him any. We spent our entire relationship trying to get everything right, the house, the big wedding then the happy family. I can't see past the end of each day because if I do I meltdown. I have heard all the advice of it will get easier, but all I want is my life back, we should be looking forward to having a family but instead I am back to square one as if the last eight years didn't happen. With nothing but my memories. I hate this so much.

My partner or 21 years was killed last semptember whilst travelling to work on his motorbike - I am also having dreams, similar to irisvwallis - dreams where I know he is close by but cannot see his face, dreams where someone else is telling me he wants to return home but is worried I am angry with him, my last dream, a lucid dream where he actually came to bed and hugged me close whilst I cried - I don't know is it our way of interpreting the facts and coming to terms with the truth. A double edged sword, so good to see him but so dreadfully painful to wake up once more without him. Although I feel no joy that others are going through the same thing I take small comfort that others too have survived the terrbile pain of losing a partner in life.

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Originally Posted by mommy1234567890

My partner or 21 years was killed last semptember whilst travelling to work on his motorbike - I am also having dreams, similar to irisvwallis - dreams where I know he is close by but cannot see his face, dreams where someone else is telling me he wants to return home but is worried I am angry with him, my last dream, a lucid dream where he actually came to bed and hugged me close whilst I cried - I don't know is it our way of interpreting the facts and coming to terms with the truth. A double edged sword, so good to see him but so dreadfully painful to wake up once more without him. Although I feel no joy that others are going through the same thing I take small comfort that others too have survived the terrbile pain of loosing a partner in life.

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You should have posted your post as new, the first post (iris) here is 2 years old. I lost my wife Jan 09. We were only married 46 yrs. I was told that because I have a sleep disorder it's very hard for me to dream of my wife or even remember any. Have you tried bereavement groups for help. Also check the posts on this site. Good Luck

This is for reenajamine my husband of 23yrs died on the same day as well I think it is very unfair for I am so lost without him with so much of responsibility that I want to ask why someone so young is dead and many very old just live with no purpose

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Originally Posted by rainvjd

this is for reenajamine my husband of 23yrs died on the same day as well i think it is very unfair for i am so lost without him with so much of responsibility that i want to ask why someone so young is dead and many very old just live with no purpose

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rainvjd... What a terrible thing to say “that old people just live with no purpose”. I’m 69 and I lost my wife after 46 years married. I did and still feel bad and when I see a couple older than my wife was I feel good for them, I feel bad for me. After my wife passed Jan 2009 and I started writing.
HTTP://www.lovejoey-poem.blogspot.com

It is unfortunate, but sometimes due to their own grief, people say & do inappropriate/selfish things and don't realize they may hurt others in the process. I remember not caring a whit for anyone else's pain. I drew into myself and was so angry at my spouse for leaving me alone to deal with all of life's problems that we previously would have handled together. And yes, the visits in the dream came. From time to time, they still do. From time to time I dream about my father or my grandmother who have both been gone for a very long time now.

I know this thread is very old. My condolences to everyone who has experienced the same pain of losing the most important person in their lives. My heart goes out to you all. The anger is a big part of the healing process. Sometimes you have to embrace an emotion fully in order to be able to finally move past it.

Someone above stated that others have said to her/him that it will get easier. It isn't as simple as that. In time, you will eventually realize that you are learning how to live with it and begin the process of moving forward. As for myself, I found that my good friends & family were key to my survival. Attempt to interact with them on a daily basis and engage in activities that you have always enjoyed. If you can manage to carve out a new role for yourself within the circle of the people in your life, that is half the battle.