Ask Me Help Desk - Age difference

If a woman is 26 and she is dateing 21 yr old is that to young for her, because when they have small arguments he says well I'm just 21 isn't that a excuse, or he says I'm not use to this. For example he doesn't call her on time when he says he will or hell come by and say he's coming back and doesn't for hours on end and leaves her hanging hell say something like Ill be back doesn't give a time but leaves you thinking that means soon, he says that she has to high of standards for a 21 year old and is expecting too much and has a code of conduct, and he says he's had a hard life so he's not use to this but she feels if a man really likes her and wants her no matter the age hell call more and do what he says hell do not leave someone hanging.. what do you feel? Now these two do like each other a lot and want to date real bad.. but she has some small standards like phone calls and saying what you mean type things that he says are to high of expectations... what does she do...

I'd say the age difference is significant at this particular age. When I was 26 I fell in love with a 21 year old. Just like you said it, they sure like each other. In a relationship, there is so much more than just liking each other so much. Mine didn't work. He would say, I'll be back shortly, that meant 5 or 6 a.m. One day, he arrived with my younger sister. I think that at 21, he might want to experiment what's out there. Plus, it takes years to mature and settle into a relationship.

That's too young for me, I thought twice about hanging out with a 23 year old ( I'm 27). I'm just not that much into younger men. Maybe 1 or 2 years, but that's about it

Quote:

Originally Posted by butterflyforever

if a woman is 26 and she is dateing 21 yr old is that to young for her, becuase when they have small arguements he says well im just 21 isnt that a excuse, or he says im not use to this. For example he doesnt call her on time when he says he will or hell come by and say hes coming back and doesnt for hours on end and leaves her hanging hell say something like Ill be back doesnt give a time but leaves u thinking that means soon, he says that she has to high of standards for a 21 year old and is expecting to much and has a code of conduct, and he says hes had a hard life so hes not use to this but she feels if a man really likes her and wants her no matter the age hell call more and do what he says hell do not leave someone hanging.. what do u feel? Now these two do like each other a lot and want to date real bad.. but she has some small standards like phone calls and saying what u mean type things that he says are to high of expectations.... what does she do...

She should not waste her time, because if he keeps bringing up him only being "21" then he will continue to do so, and when they have spent 2-3 years together he will then say well I am only "24" etc... etc.. I mean I don't really like to categorize people by their age because not all 21 y/o act the same however... the factor here is that if someone truly wants you nothing can keep them away... If he is not following his words now and they haven't even dated yet imagine when they are together.. maybe many broken promises, maybe his age will be a reason why he can't give her what she needs.. In the end a woman knows and will tell by someone's actions if someone wants to be with them or not... The key is not as too much of what he say but to see how he acts... and remember anytime you have to try hard to ignore someone's else issue you are settling..

Age means nothing. What's unrealistic is the demands that you put on him, that are unacceptable to him at this point. Neither is on the same page, and there is an experience factor, that makes this unequal. He is not going to be what you want, nor should he. He can only be himself as you will never change him, so either accept him for who he is, or reevaluate what you want. He might not be it.

Oh how this hurts me to do, really:(

I have to offer a different perspective then T-man (GuLp). I think a woman at 26 and a guy at 21 is a big obstacle. I say that because it is my experience that women are much more mature than men, especially pre 30. A 26 year old woman may find it very difficult to have much in common with a 21 year old male, maturity is an important thing.

I dated a 20 year old woman, the maturity level was astounding, I couldn't deal with it. I can only imagine it would be greater in this case because the older person is the female. I just don't think that in one's 20-30 year old period that age difference is no big thing, a younger girl, in most cases, cannot accommodate the needs of an older man and the reverse is also true, even more so.

I really want to hear more people's honest opinions on this issue because it kind of hits close to home for me, so I hope there will be more responses.

For now here is my take on the issue. I personally think that age is not a problem at all. This isn't a romantic opinion of mine but I actually have a very rational understanding of it. The issue here is maturity and the stage of life you are at. From this particular situation it's clear that these two individuals are not on the same page. He wants to be free and go out whenever he wants. She wants something more stable and secure.

Personally I don't think this guy has an idea of what a relationship really entails. In any relationship you should call when you say you will and more importantly you should make the other person feel wanted and happy. He is not doing this. It's not because of his age per se, but more because of his maturity level (there is a difference). A real man will take responsibility for his actions and not continually hide behind his age or use it as a weapon.

There are several men I know who are very mature at their early 20's and as a result would make sure they call their girlfriend when they say they will. On top of that there is no doubt that they would make her feel secure and comfortable

Are her expectations to high? Not necessarily, because I feel that being punctual, respectful, and secure are essentials to any relationship. However, it's clear that this man is not ready for that and there is nothing this woman can do to change that. Therefore she needs to re-evaluate what she wants. But I want to stress that the issue here is not age, but the fact that this young man is not mature and/or experienced enough to handle what this woman wants.

Totally agree with confused25. I started dating my current boyfriend when he was 21 and I was 26 and while yes, there were differences in certain aspects in maturity, I never had an issue with him not calling, disappearing, or not putting the effort in. Especially in the beginning of the relationship, I personally think that the guy generally puts in more effort than the girl. He should be trying to win you. If he doesn't treat you like a queen in the beginning during the "courting" period, he probably never will.

He is who he is and you can't fault him for that but if it doesn't meet your standards, then I think you should let him go. You can't expect someone to change who they are. He just might not be the right guy for you. Certain aspects of people's personality (if not most) don't change because of age. Whether he's 21 or 31, I think you'd find his behavior unacceptable so if you don't want to put up with it, don't. If you try to change him, you're the one who will wind up disappointed.

The guy sounds immature and irresponsible and he is obviously not being and behaving as she wishes him to. His age is IMO incidental.
I'm wondering why a 26 year old woman would put up with such foolishness from a 21 year old young man or any man for that matter.
On a personal note, when I was 26 I don't think I would look twice at someone 21 year old guy. Your are on two different pages of life. He is still in college or just getting out, still on the party page. You have been there maybe done that and looking for some stability. It is a bit unfair to expect him to be something he is not ready to be.