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-   -   Were are broke up but she asked if I was going to date (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=189091)

  • Feb 27, 2008, 09:12 PM
    gettingbackoutthere
    Were are broke up but she asked if I was going to date
    My girlfriend of two years broke it off and said she needed space and that if we are meant to be together we will be. And she called me the first day after and was crying and said she loved me and I said I loved her then the next day I called her and we talked we both sounded down but no I love you at the end? What to think? And also she asked me if I was going to date and I said it was the furthest thing from my mind and I asked her and she said no, what does it mean that she asked that and how should I respond? Thanks in advance for your help
  • Feb 27, 2008, 09:21 PM
    ISneezeFunny
    You guys are done. Dunzo. Over. Finito.

    Need space... usually means... sorry, it's over.

    She told you she loved you in hopes that you'll tell her that you love her as well. She needed that security. She also asked you if you were going to date in order to get some security from that as well.

    As far as you know, this relationship is over. Move on. Work on getting yourself over her.
  • Feb 28, 2008, 01:19 AM
    JBeaucaire
    I agree with ISF, I'd "guess" (that's all we can do here, frequently) that your relationship is winding down.

    But your wonderful girlfriend (ex?) is starting to fret over whether you'll move on to your next relationship before she does. Man, oh man, is that something or what! How self-centered can you get? She wants to break up, mourns the ending of the relationship, and also wants some assurance you'll wallow in misery for awhile, too.

    Dude, seriously. How should you respond? Move on, remember what you had fondly, don't obsess over it, and get back out there.

    I would even consider going on a No-Contact time (NC) meaning you do not respond in any way to any attempt to contact you. Emails, texts, phone messages, delete them all without reading/listening.

    The only contact you put up with is face to face, and she has to find you to make that happen. If she does, even then you don't entertain any questions from her meant to put you on the defensive. "I'm doing fine, thanks for your concern." You can say that to almost ANYTHING she says/asks and it's not mean and tells her you're not "getting into it" with her.

    NC gives you a chance to heal most quick and get back on the dating horse where there are some fresh new experiences awaiting you. Since she's starting the "end" of your connection, you make sure she doesn't retain any power over your life over the coming months. NC accomplishes that.

    Anything else, probably just futile frustration, rekindling the pain, and you have to start healing again after every contact. Just don't do it.
  • Feb 28, 2008, 02:25 AM
    LeafCan
    I don't know if need space = break up.

    My girlfriend told me she needs space in last sept. I did some NC but eventually we found out how important we are to each other and we are now back together again... 4 months already and everything is fine and sweet again.

    so does space always mean break up? I doubt
  • Feb 28, 2008, 06:09 AM
    ISneezeFunny
    I agree with LeafCan. "I need space" does not ALWAYS = break up.

    however, 9 times out of 10, I need space = break up.

    when you do NC, sometimes the ex comes back around... like LeafCan said, because they realize how much they miss you. However, if you don't go NC, chances are, the relationship will slowly wind down.
  • Mar 1, 2008, 03:05 PM
    talaniman
    She wants a break, give her what she asked for. Go fishing, bowling, bake a cake, just leave her alone and if she changes her mind, why should you go back, unless you're a yo-yo and she has the strings, not healthy.
    Quote:

    also she asked me if I was going to date
    You should have said "eventually" That would have given her some food for thought.

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