Hello,
Ive been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost a year already.. We're planning to get married very soon-everytime he would take me out on dates to fancy restaurants, movies, etc. he would always pay but just last night we were talking and he was telling me that he has to save up for a lot of things and mainly for our wedding and honeymoon.. also he has bills to pay and has been a little bit tight but he still wants to take me out for dinner this weekend.. the only problem is that this time he asked me if I can pay half at least or pay at least for the drinks.. The thing with me is that apparently I am still a little bit shy to eat in front of him so inorder for me to loosen up a little I also order a drink or two(mainly margaritas:p ) but anyway, every time he takes me to restaurants I tend to have my drinks and he too orders beer for himself but of course mine are a little more expensive.. So when he asked me yesterday to pay for at least the drinks it kind of felt weird cause isn't the guy suppose to be paying for everything or do you think its OK to chip in and pay? In my last relationship I didn't have to pay for anything in the beginning.. What he told me last night felt kind of awkward.. any suggestion?

Where is it written guys are suppose to pay for everything??
New world, remember women's rights, burning the bra's, this is what was fought for, equal rights.
When was the last time you took him out and paid for the meal.

But there are several issues, one you need to look and start looking t budgets, if money is a issue and he is needing to save money then a more discount place and perhaps using buy one get one free coupons would work better. If you have a lot of bills, you have to properly budget for them.

The two of you should also be sitting down and looking at the cost of the wedding, and not over due what you can't afford, also set up budges to be able to pay for this wedding.

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Originally Posted by MimiGirl

Hello,
Ive been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost a year already.. We're planning to get married very soon-everytime he would take me out on dates to fancy restaurants, movies, etc. he would always pay but just last night we were talking and he was telling me that he has to save up for alot of things and mainly for our wedding and honeymoon..also he has bills to pay and has been a little bit tight but he still wants to take me out for dinner this weekend..the only problem is that this time he asked me if i can pay half at least or pay at least for the drinks.. The thing with me is that apparently iam still a little bit shy to eat infront of him so inorder for me to loosen up a little i also order a drink or two(mainly margaritas:p ) but anyways, everytime he takes me to restaurants i tend to have my drinks and he too orders beer for himself but of course mine are a little more expensive..So when he asked me yesterday to pay for at least the drinks it kinda felt weird cause isnt the guy suppose to be paying for everything or do you think its ok to chip in and pay?? In my last relationship I didnt have to pay for anything in the beginning..What he told me last night felt kinda ackward..any suggestion??

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Hi Mimigirl,

Okay, you're in the part of your relationship that everything becomes equal. Let face it your going to get married and marriage is a job in its self, you have to give and take. And marriages work best when you split everything down the middle. And if your still to shy to eat in front of him then maybe your not ready to get married.
Its great when you don't have to pay for everything but some times its OK to give a hand when you can. And I think you should your going to get a wedding and a honeymoon out of it.

RED FLAG!!!!!!!!!
If you can't eat in front of your future husband with out a few drinks to loosen you up, that's a problem you should address immediately.

If you aren't willing to help your man when he asked for it, that's another problem to pay attention to immediately

Maybe you need to get used to the idea of being an equal partner, and do your part.

My GF and I split the rent and bills right down the middle. When we go out to eat I will pay one time then she will pay the next time. The only thing we didn't split was her engagement ring for obvious reasons of course. From what I learned living with her for the past year and a half is I would love to pay for everything myself but it is just not possible. Help the guy out he sounds like a good one!

Well, he probably feels comfortable enough with you now to be open about the fact that money is tight for him. I usually pay for half when I'm out with my fiancée. He paid a lot when we first started going out, but once we had been together for a while, I started insisting on paying my half. I just feel like I don't need a guy to pay for me. I know at first he was doing it because he had asked me out and felt it was his responsibility to pay. But once we were together a while I felt comfortable enough to tell him that I prefer to pay for my own.

I wouldn't worry about it if it were you. If he doesn't have the money, he doesn't have the money. When you're married you will have to share the bills, house payments, car payments, cost of raising kids, etc.

I do agree that it is a concern that you feel uncomfortable eating around him. Why? I mean, if you guys are going to get married, he's going to see you when you're sick, having a baby (if you want to), first waking up in the morning, and all. That's a lot worse than someone seeing you with food in your teeth! Are you nervous about eating in public period, or just around him?

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Originally Posted by MimiGirl

it kinda felt weird cause isnt the guy suppose to be paying for everything or do you think its ok to chip in and pay?? In my last relationship I didnt have to pay for anything in the beginning..What he told me last night felt kinda ackward..any suggestion??

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In actuality there is no rule saying a man always have to pay then I guess he can expect when you marry for you to be a wife, cook, clean, stay home and take care of the kids.. think about what you said "he is supposed too"...
In fact I think it is perfectly fine to offer now and again I do in my relationship. It's a relationship that means there has to be some balance somewhere.
... Anyway I don't think there is anything wrong with paying... And don't compare to last relationship... You are marrying this guy and you feel awkward because he asked you to contribute. If this is the case maybe you should reconsider marriage until you are comfortable with doing little things like paying now and then, eating in front of him.. Things should be balance, and its not about the money it's about you enjoying the time with him... Are you really that selfish where you would feel absolutely uncomfortable with your future husband asking you to help out?

its not that I am selfish-beleive me I don't mind paying-but I've heard my parents and friends around me always asking and telling me if he is the one paying.. especially my parents they continuelly tell me that the guy is the one that has to pay everything in the beginning and I guess by them telling me that constantly it kind of stayed and I always thought it was suppose to be that way.. its not cause I am selfish I just thought that's how things were.. thank you all for your responses and suggestion =0) ill keep them in mind..

p.s. I am not shy eating in public just a little bit in front of him because he is the type that likes to stare and notice every detail.. but I've always had that problem as well with guys I've went out with.. in time that eventually will leave and ill be more comftable.. thanx again

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Originally Posted by MimiGirl

its not that iam selfish-beleive me i dont mind paying-but ive heard my parents and friends around me always asking and telling me if he is the one paying..especially my parents they continuelly tell me that the guy is the one that has to pay everything in the beginning and i guess by them telling me that constantly it kinda stayed and i always thought it was suppose to be that way..its not cause i am selfish i just thought thats how things were.. thank you all for your responses and suggestion =0) ill keep them in mind..

p.s. iam not shy eating in public just a little bit infront of him because he is the type that likes to stare and notice every detail..but ive always had that problem as well with guys ive went out with..in time that eventually will leave and ill be more comftable..thanx again

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Well, good luck to you and don't mind paying sometimes... its really not that big of a deal, unless you make it to be... :D

Mimi
Like the others have said there is no hard and fast rule about who pays etc. and I applaud to fact you don't mind paying half.

But I think the main problem lays with the fact you say your getting Married shortly and you have problems with such small issues.

Not knowing your parents age, but in the 50's yes the guy usually paid, but today sharing the bills is a lot more common

In the beginning, I agree.. it's "reasonable" for the guy to pay.

You've been with him for a year. That's... nowhere near the beginning.

Also, I agree with Fr_chuck... after a year, you're afraid to eat in front of him?. and you have to drink to loosen up?

Marriage.. hmm...

Id suggest Counseling to you guys... before you get married.

I love it too when guys pay for everything. But it's not like there is any written rule. And it doesn't sound like this guy is being mean or stingy about it. If you guys are getting married you'll have to learn how to share and budget money together. And you'll need to get over being shy about eating in front of him if you're marrying him. A few margaritas every night before dinner for the rest of your life might not be a great idea. Lol so pay for the drinks this weekend and then come up with a plan to save money together. Maybe not eating out so much is a good idea.