My son was seeing this girl and she ended up pregnant. They are not together anymore. She is still with her husband, which she told my son that they were separated. She had twins in December. She then called and told me and my son that the babies were born dead, so we went on with our lives. We have now been told that she lied and the babies are alive. Her husband thinks that the kids are his. Need to know what my son should do. We are scared that if her husband finds out they are not his, she will try to come back at my son for child support. The kids do not have his last name and are not on the birth certificate. I hope some one can help with some good advice.

I guess the question you have to ask your sone and yourself is:

Is the existence of your sons children and your grandchildren worth the child support??

Do you want to deprive these kids of their natural father, deprive your son of ever knowing his children , and deprive yourselves or ever knowing your grandchildren?

Just because they don't have his last name and just because he is not on their birth certificate doesn't mean that the kids aren't his.

You should have a paternity test done to find out for sure.

If the children are his, he may regret for the rest of his life the fact that he never stepped up and fathered his children.

How would you like to have grown up only to find out that your father was not your real father and that you have been living a lie your whole life?

Or what if your wife suddenly told you that your son wasn't even your son? That he was the product of some affair she had years ago? Sure you are still his Dad... you have loved and cared for him his whole life... but how would you feel?

You should have a paternity test done to find out for sure ASAP would agree with that, I would also advise to seek legal info from a lawer. If the kids are his then you both have rights still, I know this is true under UK law.

You need to both make your mind up if you want to see the kids, and have them as apart of your life? Also get yourself ready as it could turn into a legal battle that could take some time.

The question here is does your son want to be a part of these babies lives?

If NO, then just walk away.

If YES, the odds are he will have to pay child support. Get a DNA test, you will need a lawyer as well.

I've seen a lot of cases where the man did not owe child support if the woman was legally married to another man. I am sure in TN, that the child is the responsibility of the Husband(financially) during and after the marriage If the children where born while they were married, regardless of who the Father was. It does not seem fair to me.

First are you even sure that she ever had the babies, not what she said but actually saw children? If she lied on one thing then another??

Ok, if he ( and in the long run it is his choice) that he wants to be a father and he wants to be part of the life of these children, he should get a test done to see if he is the father. If she lied on this, well, her husband could be the father, and what about another man no one knows about possibly.
( guess I watch too much Jerry Springer)

Personally if she is married and your son does not have some overly seroius desire to be a part time dad, I would just leave it and see what time brings.

He may get a call from them in 20 years, or maybe a suit for child support in 2 months, you never know. But I can't tell you what he should do, only he knows his feelings.

I guess to me, I would let the kids be happy in the home they have, be sorry the affair happened, and hope it all works out ( plus not have anything to do with that lady ever)

I guess this just hits too close to home. I believe that if a boy feels he is man enough to have sex, he needs to be man enough to be a father to any children that are a product of that. I feel that anyone that ignores or disowns their children is weak.

Dr. Jizzle, he is not abanding these children, she does not want him to have anything to do with the children.

Since I don't have the whole story and don't know much about your son or this woman, it's hard to give an opinion, and the one I'm about to give may not please you much, I'm sorry. Even though those babies are only a couple of months old, I would think that it would be best to leave them alone. I know she lied to you guys twice, first telling your son she was separated and then telling you that the babies had died and this is really disgusting on her part. However, if she has worked things out with her husband then why put these children through something nasty like a divorce between their mother and the only man they know as their father? Yes, it's true that as babies, they don't comprehend what is going on now, but things like this don't disappear in a matter of months and they won't be babies forever. As they grow, they will experience confusion and sadness over what is going on. Why put them through that? Keeping them under a single roof with two married parents is in their best interest. Who wilfully wishes their children to be shuffled around like a deck of cards from week to week, alternating from this parent's house to that parent's house, never having just one home and one set of friends. Will it be difficult for you and your son to walk away? Absolutely. Will he regret not doing anything about this in the future? Not if he believes he is committing a selfless act for their sake. In hindsight, it's too bad that your son got involved with someone who was not completely available (even if he thought she was separated, that's not the same as divorced) and risked making babies with this woman. But, that was his choice, unfortunately a poor one and now he has to deal with those consequences. I know this is not what you want to hear, but I am really only concerned with the well being of those children.

Now, having said that, if this woman is known for being unfaithful or unstable, then, by all means, your son has an obligation to pursuit this in court so that his children have a decent home to live in. If she is volatile or the type to leave her husband when things get rough, then demanding a paternity test, thus exposing her lies and their affair would only be the straw that broke the camel's back and it would only be a matter of time before the husband left her for good. Whatever your son's decision, encourage him to think honestly and see the big picture before taking action.

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Originally Posted by DrJizzle

I guess this just hits too close to home. I believe that if a boy feels he is man enough to have sex, he needs to be man enough to be a father to any children that are a product of that. I feel that anyone that ignores or disowns their children is weak.

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I couldn't agree more. If there is a small minute possibility that these children are his he needs to find this out right away. Despite all the lies this woman has told. It doesn't matter when it comes down to the responsibiblity of the children. Of course if these children are your son's he needs to step up and do the right thing no matter how much of a jerk this woman is being.

These are your grandchildren wouldn't you ,being the grandmother, want the best for them. If it were me, id get the ball rolling and find out if these kids are my sons biologically, so that some visiting rights could be established. Why would you want to turn a blind eye to children that are your biologically. To say that this woman is remarried to another man and think that this guy is better off being the father and supporting them is not fair. How would your son feel if he was supporting two children that weren't his?

Your son needs to be a man and do the right thing. Find out if he's the biological father.