Ask Me Help Desk - Boyfriend and I just broke up.

Boyfriend and I just broke up.

My boyfriend and I just broke up. I really want him back and all but I don't know how to chance his mind about coming back to me.
Do you think I should tell him I miss him and Love him. Ive been thinking about him SO much!
Or just leave it.
What should I say...

It depends on the situation. Who broke up with who and what are the reasons for the break up? If you truly love him, you shouldn't just throw it away. You should try talking to him.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Adiutorig

It depends on the situation. Who broke up with who and what are the reasons for the break up? If you truly love him, you shouldn't just throw it away. You should try talking to him.

He broke up with me
The reasons for a break up was... he lives in the USA I live In canada.. but that's not it but he can't concentrate on his school work because he thinks about me.
I really like him a lot like I serously think I am in love.. and I don't want him like to move onto someone else but I am afaird if I ask too soon he will be annoyed and we will never get back together
Help! Thank you

I'm sometimes accused me of being harsh around here, but I am saying what I think is most helpful, even it's harsh, fair enough? Keep that in mind.

Well, he broke up with you, so pretty much anything you do to go "after" him will simply come off making look desperate, and you won't change his mind either.

But let's assume your feelings are accurate and you do "love him". Well, love means something, doesn't it? Do you show your love to someone by saying "I don't care what you want, I want you to do THIS instead?" No, loving someone means you hear them when they talk and you do what you can to help them.

So, he wants to be free to focus on his studies and not have to worry about a long distance relationship. How are you going to help him accomplish his goal? His goal is freedom and focus. Anything you do to interfere with that goal is not a loving thing to do, is it?

The only thing that has any hope of working in this situation for you is to leave him alone and no contact at all. Remember the age-old saying, "If you love something, set it free. If it's really yours, it will return to you, if not, it wasn't yours ito begin with."

Let him go, do not contact him in any way. If he regrets it later and comes back to you, then HE has changed his mind and you have a greater chance of making it work. If you contact him, it will just reinforce his feelings of wanting to get away.

If he doesn't come back, then at least you honored his wishes, and you gave someone you love a loving gift by not ignoring his wishes.

Quote:

Originally Posted by JBeaucaire

I'm sometimes accused me of being harsh around here, but I am saying what I think is most helpful, even it's harsh, fair enough? Keep that in mind.

Well, he broke up with you, so pretty much anything you do to go "after" him will simply come off making look desparate, and you won't change his mind either.

But let's assume your feelings are accurate and you do "love him". Well, love means something, doesn't it? Do you show your love to someone by saying "I don't care what you want, I want you to do THIS instead?" No, loving someone means you hear them when they talk and you do what you can to help them.

So, he wants to be free to focus on his studies and not have to worry about a long distance relationship. How are you going to help him accomplish his goal? His goal is freedom and focus. Anything you do to interfere with that goal is not a loving thing to do, is it?

The only thing that has any hope of working in this situation for you is to leave him alone and no contact at all. Remember the age-old saying, "If you love something, set it free. If it's really yours, it will return to you, if not, it wasn't yours ito begin with."

Let him go, do not contact him in any way. If he regrets it later and comes back to you, then HE has changed his mind and you have a greater chance of making it work. If you contact him, it will just reinforce his feelings of wanting to get away.

If he doesn't come back, then at least you honored his wishes, and you gave someone you love a loving gift by not ignoring his wishes.

I've kind of been talking to him already but not about us...
What should I do?

I know it's hard, but I doubt you can be friends based on your feelings. Only you know if you have even a chance of pulling that off. Most people I read on the forum here describe it as impossible emotionally, so...

I'd leave him alone. Let him know you're feelings and leave him be. When/If he's ready, he'll reopen the gate. It might be years, though, if he's being truthful about his studies.

Friends can talk.

People in relationship need to talk too, until one asks for a break.

Then you need a real break.

He has to work a bit to get you back or you he needs to be alone. Keeping a line of communication open usually does not make him focus on you more - but actually less...

Hang in there!

A

Ash, did you post in the wrong thread? This one is... 19 months old?

Quote:

Originally Posted by JBeaucaire

Ash, did you post in the wrong thread? This one is...19 months old?

Yep...