I'v had a boyfriend before, but only one. And when I was with him it was good. We never did much, like kissing or hugging. Eventually we did. At first I was fine with it. Then he invited me to his birthday party. Of course I was nervous so I invited a friend along. At the party the kissing became more passionate and he started touching me. I started to feel uncomfortable but I didn't tell him, even though he told me "i might get carried away so tell me to stop if u want" the next day I felt kind of depressed and every time I thort about it I felt so uncomfortable. I felt like this for months, but I neva told him. When we finished skool we neva saw much of each other and his calls became less frequent, quietly I was joyed. Eventually I decided to end it after ages of convincing myself not to. He agreed and I haven't talked to him since. Now when I think of myself in a relationship I feel so uncomfortable. Even when I see romance on TV I cringe and when my friends talk about it I act childish to make them stop. I don't know what to do.this isn't all of my problems, just one I'm kind of confused about, I seriously think something is rong with me. Plez give me helpful advice. Hopfuly if I get this sorted I can sort out the rest of my problems.

Hi,
You didn't mention your age.
Things take time and learning through experience with others is the best teacher there is. Don't ever do anything you don't want to do with anyone!
Being nervous is normal and natural. You will get over these feelings, and find another boyfriend. If you look long enough, you will find one who is caring, respectful of you, and wants to be with you, as a "love" and a friend.
Keep looking, and please try not to be so worried about it.

Hi escaping,
It sounds to me like the funny feelings you are experiencing are directly related to your not "speaking up" with that boyfriend when you felt uncomfortable. You say you see romance on TV and cringe - is this the same feeling you had when that boyfriend touched you?
You might be turning all these powerful feelings inward on yourself - you were nervous, as you said yourself. Perhaps you were not ready for things to get so physical, yet they did and it didn't suit you.
I don't think anything is wrong with you at ALL! This is a normal reaction - you didn't want something to happen so you felt funny when it did. The fact that you kept quiet, and subsequently never mentioned it - even went out of your way to avoid the issue - is something else you might want to look at. In fact, you avoided that feeling so much, you ran away from the relationship altogether!
I think what you need to do is express. It appears there's a lot of confusion bubbling within you at the moment. Find a way to let it out. Write about the relationship from beginning to end. Don't reread it,censor it or think too much about what you are writing.Just keep writing.You might want to stop when you get to the birthday party - but keep going! It might feel weird, but once you have "allowed" yourself to feel uncomfortable with that physical behaviour then you might not have such a problem with it voicing that discomfort.
What I mean is: everyone has their own boundaries. You seem to feel where yours are, but don't feel entitled to express them e.g.. You didn't tell your boyfriend what he was doing wasn't completely OK with you. It's OK to say that. It's OK to take things slowly - there's no race, and we should listen to the rhythm of our own bodies. It sounds as if you can do that already, but give yourself a lot of guilt for not being "normal", when you are more normal than most!
You need to express these feelings, so that when your friends discuss sexuality, you're not shouting and roaring to avoid the issue. You might find other feelings come up when you start writing. Go with it. And if you want to discuss this with a professional, like a counsellor, by all means go ahead. Its your head, you're entitled to have it working well! If you feel you need to address things and can't do it alone, put your hand up and ask for help.
Best of luck!

I was very much like you when I was younger. But please don't think there is anything wrong with you. It's all part of growing up and being ready. Some are ready earlier than others.

I did not have my first kiss until I was 14yrs old - all of my friends were doing it at the age of 11/12 - but I did not feel ready to until I was 14yrs old. All of my friends started losing their virginity etc when they were 15/16yrs old. I did not feel ready until I was 17yrs going on 18yrs old.

There is nothing wrong with you. Just enjoy yourself and wait until you feel ready and comfortable - that's what I did and I have no regrets. My friends however do have regrets and wish they had waited.

So please don't fret - and if anything it's a shame more are not like you ;)