Okay... You all are my friends, I would like to think that. I have had nothing but help and positive answers on here, as well as trying to help others... Its time again...

Im pregnant... again! There's no remorse... whatsoever... maybe at first. I was a little scared. I had my first baby at 18, she's 2 1/2 now. Im soon to be 21 very shortly. The first I hate to say was a mistake, but the best mistake ever.. of course. This one, I have been a serious relationship from day one... with this guy, who is 15 years older than I. We have been together for about 5 months now, he bought me a car, wants me to move in, the family loves me... etc etc... perfect right, then suddenly he has the I Love You sentence, well I say it back, but he knows that I am not as in love with him as he is me... I do Love him, but there is a difference when he says it, and I say it. His: I love you means I want to spend the rest of my life with you... my I love you means I am falling in love with you...
Well found out I was pregnant, he is overjoyed...
I have no doubt that this is okay, and everything... Im just worried I mean this feels like an arranged marriage... Im just having these doubts I know...
There's nothing wrong with him, he's perfect, financially stable, etc. Hes so good to my little girl, he wants to adopt her...
I also have cervical cancer... that's a worry...
And I also don't want to tell my best guy friend... (in my other posts, the guy that I care so much about, and yet know there is going to be nothing I can about that... just friends) in fear of losing him, but I know that if he is a true friend he will be there...
I am just venting and getting this off my chest and hope that you all have some suggestions for me... Thanks to you all... Virgina rene'

You cared enough about him to get in a relationship and let him buy stuff for you and now that it looks serious you want to back off. Maybe you should think about learning to love him more and making a life with him for a sake of a good family for your kids.
You may regret it if you call it quits with him and go from one bad relationship to another and NEVER finding that love you are looking for.
Love isn't always about a feeling but a commitment that you can make it with this guy and grow in love through the years and experiences that you share and grow together.

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Originally Posted by N0help4u

You cared enough about him to get in a relationship and let him buy stuff for you and now that it looks serious you want to back off. Maybe you should think about learning to love him more and making a life with him for a sake of a good family for your kids.
You may regret it if you call it quits with him and go from one bad relationship to another and NEVER finding that love you are looking for.
Love isn't always about a feeling but a commitment that you can make it with this guy and grow in love through the years and experiences that you share and grow together.

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I think that I am too scared of commitment... when he bought me those things, there were out of surprise.. the car for example.. a 2007 honda accord... leather seats, etc... I went to his house and it was there... no warning... I had a reliable vehicle prior.
I do love him, but does it seem to be moving too fast?

Tell him you feel like it is going too fast but don't drop out on the idea of being with him.
Work on a relationship with him. It's a jungle and you might kick yourself for leaving him if you don't continue with him and end up coming to realize he was the best thing that ever happened.

I think maybe it would help you to give it a little more time. Don't marry if you feel that you aren't ready. Maybe you guys could go to couples counseling together. It's good to do that before you marry anyway. It will help you learn more about him, see if you are compatible, and bring you closer together. That way you will have more time to think about what you feel you should do. Tell him that you are falling in love with him, but need more time before you feel ready to marry. He sounds like a good guy, I bet he would understand and give you more time.

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Originally Posted by peggyhill

I think maybe it would help you to give it a little more time. Don't marry if you feel that you aren't ready. Maybe you guys could go to couples counseling together. It's good to do that before you marry anyway. It will help you learn more about him, see if you are compatable, and bring you closer together. That way you will have more time to think about what you feel you should do. Tell him that you are falling in love with him, but need more time before you feel ready to marry. He sounds like a good guy, I bet he would understand and give you more time.

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Another thing is... that he works offshore overseas... so he is gone for 6 weeks at a time, and hoime for 6 weeks, I guess that is where I am coming from it moving too fast...

Yeah, that would make it hard to get to know someone really well. I don't know if I could handle my fiancé being gone for that long. Have you guys talked about how that would work once you have the baby? Like, if you guys were married or living together, would he still be gone for 6 weeks at a time like that? That would be rough!

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Originally Posted by peggyhill

Yeah, that would make it hard to get to know someone really well. I don't know if I could handle my fiance being gone for that long. Have you guys talked about how that would work once you have the baby? Like, if you guys were married or living together, would he still be gone for 6 weeks at a time like that? That would be rough!

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Just think, we have been together 5 months... That's about 20 weeks, and he has been gone for 12 of those weeks. He said eventually he wanted to get a closer to home job... just right now the money is sooooo good, he is setting himself up to financially stable.

You need time taking things slow and he needs time building up finances so take one day at a time with him.

Take things slow. Communicate with him about everything. My dh traveled for a year and was gone 24 days a month. He was only home on occasional weekends, but we used that time to really get to know one another. We had already been together for a year and a half, but I felt like I truly learned who he was during that time. It's a great way to work on your communication skills. I would suggest talking to him about your fears. Be completely honest. In the end you want to make sure that the man you marry is your best friend, not just your lover. Definitely do some couples counseling. If you are going to have a child together you are going to need to learn how to communicate well and work well as a team, even if you aren't married. I think your relationship has great potential. Just because you aren't madly in love with him now doesn't mean you won't be later. Trust your instincts. As a mother you know they are great. Whatever you do, make sure it is in the best interrest of both of your children, and that it makes you happy. If he makes you happy, go for it.

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Originally Posted by automansgirl

Take things slow. Communicate with him about everything. My dh traveled for a year and was gone 24 days a month. He was only home on occasional weekends, but we used that time to really get to know one another. We had already been together for a year and a half, but I felt like I truly learned who he was during that time. It's a great way to work on your communication skills. I would suggest talking to him about your fears. Be completely honest. In the end you want to make sure that the man you marry is your best friend, not just your lover. Definitely do some couples counseling. If you are going to have a child together you are going to need to learn how to communicate well and work well as a team, even if you aren't married. I think your relationship has great potential. Just because you aren't madly in love with him now doesn't mean you won't be later. Trust your instincts. As a mother you know they are great. Whatever you do, make sure it is in the best interrest of both of your children, and that it makes you happy. If he makes you happy, go for it.

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Thank all of you for opinions on the matter, I greatly apprecicate it all... You all basically said the same thing, that I need to just sit down and talk to him, and learn to love and him, and maybe go to some counseling... I will keep you all updeated on things... if you are interested in staying in contact with me, feel free to email me at EMAIL EDITED FOR PRIVACY... I am sure I will have questions about my preganancy! My last one I hid for 8 months, and didn't get to experience a real one... Thanks to you all... and god bless

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Originally Posted by Bellagrace19

Okay...You all are my friends, I would like to think that. I have had nothing but help and positive answers on here, as well as trying to help others...Its time again...

Im pregnant...again!! There's no remorse...whatsoever...maybe at first. I was a little scared. I had my first baby at 18, she's 2 1/2 now. Im soon to be 21 very shortly. The first I hate to say was a mistake, but the best mistake ever..of course. This one, I have been a serious relationship from day one...with this guy, who is 15 years older than I. We have been together for about 5 months now, he bought me a car, wants me to move in, the family loves me...etc etc...perfect right, then suddenly he has the I Love You sentence, well I say it back, but he knows that I am not as in love with him as he is me...I do Love him, but there is a difference when he says it, and I say it. His: I love you means I want to spend the rest of my life with you...my I love you means I am falling in love with you...
well found out I was pregnant, he is overjoyed...
I have no doubt that this is okay, and everything...Im just worried I mean this feels like an arranged marriage...Im just having these doubts I know...
There's nothing wrong with him, he's perfect, financially stable, etc. Hes so good to my little girl, he wants to adopt her...
I also have cervical cancer....that's a worry...
And I also don't want to tell my best guy friend...(in my other posts, the guy that I care so much about, and yet know there is going to be nothing I can about that...just friends) in fear of losing him, but I know that if he is a true friend he will be there...
I am just venting and getting this off my chest and hope that you all have some suggestions for me...Thanks to you all...Virgina rene'

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First off, Congrats to the pregnancy. I believe all babies are a blessing. I'm 25 years old and have a 6 month year old. My pregnancy was a big surprise too (not planned), considering I wasn't married at that time. So I kind of have a sense of what your going through. I've also been dating the father for years and just recently got married. I absolutely love him and I know he is the one. No regrets. My advice to you is, Don't rush into anything that you aren't certain about. Marriage is forever. Make sure that you communicate with your boyfriend about your feelings. Trust me, it's hard, but worth it. He will respect you for that.

Can I ask how your situation turned out? I'm kind of going through the same thing.

The poster in question hasn't been here in almost three years, the thread is five years old. No one is going to answer your question. Please look at the dates on the posts.