Ask Me Help Desk - Girlfriend Broke up with me and I want her back is there hope?

Ok,

My girlfriend broke up with me. Been togther for almost 2 years. The first year was great and all good. Then it started to go down hill and I wasn't around enough. I live about 25 miles away and I never went to her place she awalys came out here. I missed her parents 25th aniveresrey dinner. And I just wasn't around when she needed me in general. I had previous tragedys that had me keep a wall up and we didn't talk about the important stuff much. Truth is I guess I didn't know what I lost until it was gone. She first said she needed space, but then I convinced her to give me some time and I would come around. Well 2 weeks into it it was great and I was there but her spark for me was gone. She broke up with me. The next day I tried everything and threw the bag at it and won. But the next day (tue), she said she couldn't do it and it wouldn't work. After I let her in on my previous deals, she wanted me to see a counsler. I asked if she would go and she said yes. I then asked her to go out to dinner with me so we could talk since the last time she broke up with me was over the phone. In the meantime I contacted her friends and family trying to convince them I was the one for her. And I could change. All this did was make her mad. We did go to the dinner and she said it did feel awkward. She told me she has moved on but I don't believe it. She said I need to move on and we can just be friends. I told her I was going to change and she believes me, just doesn't want any part of a relationship right now. I asked her what about in the future when she see's I have changed, all she said is that she couldn't answer that quiestion but made it clear for me not to hold on to that hope.. But she never said it wouldn't happen, she just didn't answer. I wrote her about 15 page letters about how much I loved her and how things would change, even wrote her some poetry. She said she would read it and let me know but then I get a instant message from her and she says she started it but didn't finish and couldn't read it right now.? Then I hear from a friend that she said it was great to see me at dinner and hang out and that I looked really good (droped about 35lbs since the breakup 11days previous), and that she does miss me. But made it clear to not let it get back to me. So I honestly feel there is some hope. Then she invites me to the rock in bowl this weekend but its with a bunch of our friends. So needless to say I am all mixed up here. I am going to change for myself to be a better person and be able to open up but I want her back like its no bodys business... I would do anything. Is the fact that she still wants to be friends good? She said we could hang out in groups but not togther alone for a while... I understand that though I guess... but We have talked pretty much everyday since the breakup, in one way or another. Mostly I have called her or she has called me. Or we have hit each other up on instant messager. I guess I am just lost, I want to hold onto hope because of the signs I get from things but I guess I just don't know. Do you think I can win her back? Think its Possible? She isn't the type that will just run out and get a boyfriend right away, so I guess that's a plus. She isn't a big partier or bar type so that's a plus I guess. I just don't know... anyone have some real advice? I know in her past relationships she has gotten back with her ex before. And In my past my ex came back to me and I didn't even do anything... guess I am just lost. Please help... TBK:( :confused: :confused: :(

You need to actually break up. Instead you are lingering which is the worse method. Give her space and time. If she really wants to be with you she will give you the call. Until that time break contact. If you continue the path that you are on you will end up in the friend zone.

Fisrt of all there is no winning her back, this is not a GAME and she is telling you her true feelings, you just don't want to accept it. You honestly need to not have any contact with her until you can clear things up within yourself.. If change is for you, then you will not be trying so hard to convince her.. I also don't think it's wise to call the family and friends. If someone doesn't want you there is no one in this world who can change their mind but themselves... About you worrying about the future if she would come back... You don't know the future, and there is no need moping about it in the meantime, You can only work on the present what is happening now... Don't wait on her and tell her that you waited for her, she could care less as she already told you to move on... Basically their is no winning back, if someone wants you they will be there, they will come back... AS far as remaining friends, it is too soon after the breakup to be friends... You need to get over her first in order to be friends for the future.. You are making her too much the focus of your happiness... Listen, Learn... and live life... Most importantly change for yourself, love yourself... stop needing everyone else validation, Listen to what she is telling you and let her go... if you loved her that much you would let her go...

If someone wants you

If he/she wants you nothing can't keep them away
If they don't want you nothing can make them stay
The volume on your intuition is turned up don't ignore it
Don't make justification for their improper behavior
If they mistreated you why are you moping around as if they were the best thing in the universe? (Unless you like the abuse which I highly doubt)
Don't try to change yourself in the liking of your mate.
Don't try to make them happy if you are not happy.
If someone is mistreated you in your relationship and want to remain friends decline! Friends don't mistreat friends.
Don't stay with the hopes it will get better, you will only resent it in the long run, and dwindle in misery for letting time pass.
Avoid conflict with kids mother/father drama.
Don't share friends, your partner friends should not be your friends.
Always be true speak your mind to your mate
You can't change anyone's behavior they have to change themselves
Don't ever put your partner on a pedestal and make them more important than you are.
If they cheated with you they will cheat on you!
Don't always be responsible for arguments even when you know they are wrong
Never look for someone to complete you, each person need to be THEIR own individual. Someone complimentary not supplementary.
There is nothing wrong with dating..
Don't always be available to give each other space they will come around when they miss you.
Don't commit to anyone who is not giving you all you want DO NOT lower your standards.
Don't let anyone manipulate your mental state by telling you what you want to hear instead of showing you what you need to see.
Don't neglect your hygiene and wonder why he/she don't want to get intimate with you.
Stalking, harassing, prying, assuming, plundering, into your partner's personal belongings are NOT ADVISABLE you may find what you deserve.. Curiosity killed the cat!

Wow jolie!. thanks I need that reminder

Quote:

Originally Posted by burnoutking

Ok,

My girlfriend broke up with me. Been togther for almost 2 years. The first year was great and all good. Then it started to go down hill and I wasnt around enough. I live about 25 miles away and i never went to her place she awalys came out here. I missed her parents 25th aniveresrey dinner. And i just wasnt around when she needed me in general. I had previous tragedys that had me keep a wall up and we didnt talk about the important stuff much. Truth is I guess i didnt know what i lost until it was gone. She first said she needed space, but then i convinced her to give me some time and i would come around. well 2 weeks into it it was great and i was there but her spark for me was gone. She broke up with me. The next day I tried everything and threw the bag at it and won. but the next day (tue), she said she couldnt do it and it wouldnt work. After I let her in on my previous deals, she wanted me to see a counsler. I asked if she would go and she said yes. I then asked her to go out to dinner with me so we could talk since the last time she broke up with me was over the phone. In the meantime I contacted her firends and family trying to convince them I was the one for her. And I could change. All this did was make her mad. We did go to the dinner and she said it did feel ackward. She told me she has moved on but I dont believe it. She said I need to move on and we can just be friends. I told her I was going to change and she believes me, just doesnt want any part of a relationship right now. I asked her what about in the future when she see's i have changed, all she said is that she couldnt answer that quiestion but made it clear for me not to hold on to that hope.. But she never said it wouldnt happen, she just didnt answer. I wrote her about 15 page letters about how much i loved her and how things would change, even wrote her some poetry. She said she would read it and let me know but then i get a instant message from her and she says she started it but didnt finish and couldnt read it right now.??? Then I hear from a friend that she said it was great to see me at dinner and hang out and that i looked really good (droped about 35lbs since the breakup 11days previous), and that she does miss me. But made it clear to not let it get back to me. So i honestly feel there is some hope. Then she invites me to the rock in bowl this weekend but its with a bunch of our frends. So needless to say I am all mixed up here. I am gonna change for myself to be a better person and be able to open up but I want her back like its no bodys business..... I would do anything. Is the fact that she still wants to be friends good? She said we could hang out in groups but not togther alone for a while.... I understand that though i guess... but We have talked pretty much everyday since the breakup, in one way or another. Mostly i have called her or she has called me. Or we have hit each other up on instant messager. I guess iam just lost, I want to hold onto hope because of the signs i get from things but i guess i just dont know. do you think I can win her back? Think its Possible? She isnt the type that will just run out and get a boyfriend right away, so I guess thats a plus. She isnt a big partier or bar type so thats a plus i guess. I just dont know.... anyone have some real advice? I know in her past relationships she has gotten back with her ex before. and In my past my ex came back to me and i didnt even do anything.... guess iam just lost. Please help.... TBK:( :confused: :confused: :(

Listen dude the best thing you can do right now is leave her alone and let her think about things, I know this sounds like its impossible but let her call you, no matter what happens do not contact her cause all your doing is pushing her away from you!! If you don't call her and she really has true feelings for you she will miss you and call you but once again DO NOT CALL HER!! Also don't bring her family or friends into it cause she doesn't want to be pushed, if you don't mind me asking how old are you?

Take a look at my post on No Contact on my experience with it. I'm not saying that it will bring her back. It provides reasons for doing No Contact, which you are not doing.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...me-186849.html

Someone quoted once "What is chased, will run." Don't chase her.

One thing we know about you, you're a lousy listener. She tells you repeatedly that its over, but you can still be friends, and hangout in a group setting. Pretty clear to me buddy, its over, and you must accept that. She has already put you in the friendszone, and you will stay there, as long as you let her fill you wit false hope of a relationship, and don't move on. Stop all contact with her, and her friends, and refuse her phone calls and texts, and invitations, so you can avoid the misery, and pain, of being confused, by talking to her. For your own good, disappear from her life, and get your own. Your letting her control the whole show, and need to love yourself, more than you love her. You may be better friends than lovers, but you'll never know until you heal, by going No Contact.

Quote:

Originally Posted by youcantstop48

Listen dude the best thing you can do right now is leave her alone and let her think about things, i know this sounds like its impossible but let her call you, no matter what happens do not contact her cause all your doing is pushing her away from you!!! If you dont call her and she really has true feelings for you she will miss you and call you but once again DO NOT CALL HER!!! Also dont bring her family or friends into it cause she doesnt want to be pushed, if you dont mind me asking how old r yall?

Took the words right out of my mouth. I will never forget this quote in the move Swingers... which you should watch. It goes "There is nothing you can do to make her come back, there are only things you can do to push her further away."

Best thing to do is just go NC. YES, it sounds impossible, YES sometimes it IS impossible (I've done it)... and it's a two steps forwards one step back thing, one day you will feel amazing and totally over her then all of a sudden you may want her back. All of this subsides of course. Then one day you will just be like "eh, whatever"

In the mean time, keep losing weight, and keep looking great. It's time to start looking out for YOU.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brandino747

Took the words right out of my mouth. I will never forget this quote in the move Swingers...which you should watch. It goes "There is nothing you can do to make her come back, there are only things you can do to push her further away."

Best thing to do is just go NC. YES, it sounds impossible, YES sometimes it IS impossible (I've done it)...and it's a two steps forwards one step back thing, one day you will feel amazing and totally over her then all of a sudden you may want her back. All of this subsides of course. Then one day you will just be like "eh, whatever"

In the mean time, keep losing weight, and keep looking great. It's time to start looking out for YOU.

Yes it will bevery hard and I have done the same thing but when it all come around I lost because of my actions of not giving her what she wanted at the time, trust me you will learn from your mistakes!!

I'm 25 years old. I just got dumped by a girl I was only seeing for a little over a month. It hurts now, and I don't want to give up on things because I think I can fix things, but I can't fix her reasons for breaking up with me. I shouldn't have fallen so quickly to begin with, but it's so much easier to feel good about yourself when you know someone else wants to be with you. I wasn't in love with her, I was in love with being in love. So, on Monday, I'll make an appointment to see a counselor. Not because I can't deal with the break up, but because I don't know how to cope properly. My plans is to stop texting and calling her because it won't do either of us any good. Take a few days to heal and get over it. And if she calls, I'll listen. The main goal for me, is to find myself, and when I do, to love myself unconditionally. I can't keep rushing into relationships so I can feel better. It will be hard. So hard. But I can do it. I will be able to look at myself in the mirror and say I'm proud of the person I've become. It will take time, but imagine how great it will be when it happens. So, I really want to thank her for helping me realize that. Never give up hope, but make sure you move on with your own things too. Did I love her? A little, but I love all the people in my life. It's my gift, it's my curse. Doesn't mean I can't love her anymore, I just need to give her a different kind of love(when I'm ready).