This may be a unique situation without any uniform answer. There is this guy that is very adamant about being single and not getting into any monogamous relationships right now for many reasons. Despite this, we are friends, he dates other women and refuses to date just me. All fine by me no problem. But what irritates the crap out of me is how he becomes totally into me and says sexual stuff about me and really likes me when he is DRUNK. And drunk is only after 3 drinks--loosened-up drunk, not falling-over drunk. What is he trying to tell me? What do I make of this?

Margaret in Ohio

Sounds like he likes you but he has made up some rules for himself and can only relax after a few drinks. I understand how confusing this can be. You need to decide whether you want to put up with this or move on and find someone who wants to be with you alone.

What?. listen Margeret some guys do things type of things not all guys. Don't think anything of his drunking confessions. I think he is trying to tell you that he wants to add you to the list of girlfriends he dating. Why are you even friends with him?

Ladies is it that bad out there?

When he's had a few drinks he seems to become a lover rather than a fighter... want's you to be his nightcap... and apparently feels less inhibited about asking for it after downing a few. Ever wonder what lines he is using on his other babes? Bet if you compared notes with them, you might not feel like he wanted to get into you as much as your pants.

He is telling you that when he is with you, he wants all the sex he can get from you, and when he is with another girl he is telling her the same thing.

He believes in getting the milk and not buying the cow.

Nothing wrong with dating around, but that drunken behavior, is a warning to leave him alone.

No people don't do this.

You get what you put up with.

He sounds like a player hon.

If you are considering trying to turn this into a "serious" relationship... I would think twice... (maybe three or four times).

I wouldn't invest in this relationship... I am sure there are lots of guys out there that would want to "play" the RIGHT game with you. (Not that it is a game.)

Stringer

If you read your own post and take yourself OUT of the situation, what would YOU say is going on here? How would you advise your BEST friend in this situation?

Guys are what they DO, not what they say. You've been around him enough to see what he does. He dates around. He drinks to relax. There's nothing wrong with either one of those things... unless you try to impose your own mindset on it. My guess is then it's bad.

Don't do that. If this guy isn't available for you and isn't what you want, move on. Women change WAY more then men. If he needs to change to be with you, then you need to move on. That's fair to him.

I don't think she is actually one of his girlfriends he just wants to add her to the flock. She has thought about dating but he is doesn't want to commit to anyone. She asking whether his drink induced confessions is an indication that he has true feelings for her.

"Despite this, we are friends, he dates other women and refuses to date just me. All fine by me no problem."

Please waste your time unless you want to be cheated on.

It seems to me that he leads you on to a certain point and stops. Maybe little head games, maybe an ulterior motive, like he's using you for something, or maybe to him its just three beer harmless flirting, I wouldn't know. But before you dump him as a friend like others have suggested, maybe you should confront him about his behaviour. Who knows, maybe he is socially handicapped after 3 beers? Talking with him may save you from getting hurt again.

Get him to drink a forth and fifth drink, slap a condom on him and call his bluff. Just kidding. I wouldn't play the game with him. He's experimenting and hasn't solidified his ideas. Give him time to grow up.

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Originally Posted by eruditemargaret9

This may be a unique situation without any uniform answer. There is this guy that is very adamant about being single and not getting into any monogamous relationships right now for many reasons. Despite this, we are friends, he dates other women and refuses to date just me. All fine by me no problem. But what irritates the crap out of me is how he becomes totally into me and says sexual stuff about me and really likes me when he is DRUNK. And drunk is only after 3 drinks--loosened-up drunk, not falling-over drunk. What is he trying to tell me? What do I make of this?

Margaret in Ohio

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It sounds to me he is trying to open up to you when he is drinking, he may not just want sex but if you are giving him it every time he does this then he is going to stay where he is at, cut him off then see where things go!

Thanks stringer

He is not ready. He likes you (but you know how women think I hope I'm not with a guy who is not sure he wants to be with me) he is doing what I should have done , getting everything out of his system. He is doing it for you.

He is using the ''i've had three drinks already'' as a mask.
Meaning that he says those things to you when he drinks just because he has an excuse ''i was drunk,my mouth started talking''
You are his friend,that emplies respect and it wouldn't seem right to treat you just like any other girl he sleeps around with,because you two actually have a relationship
It's not about your feelings,it's about his
So he is sexually attracted to you but would not dare to ask for something like that under normal circumstances... he's letting go of his tension when there's a cover-up,not to strike you with how much of a pig he really is

I think that he denies the feelings for you, and when he gets "loose" as you say, for that short period, he realizes "hey, ya know..I think I actually am attracted to her" hence the flirting. Give him some time and see if he gets friendly when he's NOT drunk.

While I agree he appears to be getting you in sack when he's drunk I also wonder if he's a afraid to commit because he's been hurt and when he gets drunk the attraction comes out more then when he's sober. Still keep your eyes open.