Ask Me Help Desk - In love with a bipolar? Woman

My g/f of 15 years is a total nut job, she goes from extreme hot to extreme cold in a matter of seconds. She's happy one minute, nasty as hell the next, has nothing to do with what I say or do it's just from a thought that crosses her mind and she goes off on something that happened years ago. Any word, phrase, sight, mention can set it off. I've tried my best to cope but I'm ready to pack it in. Sure, I've done a lot to piss her off and she's done the same amount to me. Somehow she just can't get past it, I am expected to forgive and forget, which I have, but her issues just linger and keep causing trouble. She tells me all is well and then in a split second it starts all over. I truly believe she has built up resentments etc. that she just can't get past and I don't know what to do. I love her and when things are good, they are real good. But I feel as if I'm sitting on a time bomb. I can't make plans to do something, hell I can even take her out to dinner without taking a risk of an explosion. This is no way to coexist. What can I do? I really don't want to end it but I can't see any other way to keep my sanity. Even the hurt, pain and loss of a breakup would probably be better than the feeling I feel most of the time. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Since most people date with the intention of finding a life long partner, you should ask yourself if this is the way you want to spend the rest of your life. If marriage is your goal and you don't want to be one of the statistical 50% that divorce you should move on. I've been married 13 years. It's hard enough dealing with kids, money, inlaws etc... without the added ingredient of being married to a nut job. You need to find someone who will be your partner not your adversary. Good luck

Does she stay on her meds?

Quote:

Originally Posted by sheskillingme

My g/f of 15 years is a total nut job, she goes from extreme hot to extreme cold in a matter of seconds. Shes happy one minute, nasty as hell the next, has nothing to do with what I say or do it's just from a thought that crosses her mind and she goes off on something that happened years ago. Any word, phrase, sight, mention can set it off. I've tried my best to cope but I'm ready to pack it in. Sure, I've done a lot to piss her off and she's done the same amount to me. Somehow she just can't get past it, I am expected to forgive and forget, which I have, but her issues just linger and keep causing trouble. She tells me all is well and then in a split second it starts all over. I truly believe she has built up resentments etc. that she just can't get past and I don't know what to do. I love her and when things are good, they are real good. But I feel as if I'm sitting on a time bomb. I can't make plans to do something, hell I can even take her out to dinner without taking a risk of an explosion. This is no way to coexist. What can I do? I really don't want to end it but I can't see any other way to keep my sanity. Even the hurt, pain and loss of a breakup would probably be better than the feeling I feel most of the time. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

What are you getting from this relationship?

If you're putting up with all of that, there has to be a payoff. What is it? Are you addicted to the drama? Do you need to be in a chaotic relationship? What is it about this woman and this relationship that has kept you there?

If you want to change your life and have a good relationship, you have to get out and work on yourself. Most people don't go from a relationship with a total nutjob to one with a healthy person... unless they work on themselves in between.

Think about what you want and why you've been where you've been.

Very good question. Whe she's good she's fantastic. Best sex, most compatible, totally fullfilling, great to be with, most exciting. When she's bad it's miserable. I guess I'm addicted to the good. Or, most likely I think the good is the real her and fail to realize that both aspects of her are the real her. To tell you the truth that's the only payoff I can see.

Does she see a doctor?? Is she on med???

Quote:

Originally Posted by sheskillingme

Very good question. Whe she's good she's fantastic. Best sex, most compatible, totally fullfilling, great to be with, most exicting. When she's bad it's miserable. I guess i'm addicted to the good. Or, most likely I think the good is the real her and fail to realize that both aspects of her are the real her. To tell you the truth that's the only payoff I can see.

Yes, you have definitely split her or compartmentalized her. Both of her is real. It's really tough to accept but it sounds like you are starting to get really tired of the bad. Is she okay when she stays on the meds or is she a bipolar who has to change meds every so often?