Originally Posted by Sickandhurt
Ok, so I've never asked for help on this type of subject, not in person, not on a forum. I know there have been tons of relationship questions that sound similar to mine, so hopefully this isn't just dismissed when people read it. I really need help right now, I'm in such hell.
Ok, for starters my relationship is a little bit abnormal. I have to admit that I'm only 17 years old. Now, immediately I know people are going to just assume that I'm young and I don't know what love is. I really don't want that kind of advice. I'm not trying to sound full of myself, but I'd like to be considered a real person in this and not just a kid. I have a genius IQ if that helps, but I've also had a really hard life and I've had to mature quickly. I'm not trying to impress anyone, I just need you guys to know that I know what I'm talking about. Please don't judge me by inexperience or my age. Please.
Ok, back to the abnormal relationship part. My girlfriend is 21 years old. We've been together for 8 months. I know that doesn't seem like a long time, but we were practically married (save for paying bills and such, which I know is an important part of marriage). Our relationship has been almost perfect. We've had a couple of arguments, but mostly over meaningless things, and the result of those fights has usually been laughter. We are so close to each other. I live in a town where she goes to college. She used to have a very possesive boyfriend, whom she dated for 4 years, and who also pulled a gun on her. She finally escaped from him, and I'm so glad. Even if I never would have been with her, as a friend I'm glad she's away from that situation. We met in our workplace. I was training to be a manager (which is almost completely unheard of for someone my age) and she had just been hired by my friend who was a manager. Anyway, to make a very long, wonderful, exciting, and complicated story short, she was emotionally upset and I began going on walks with her. After a few nights (which really were some of the best times of my short life) we decided to be together. Fast forward 5 months (that puts us in November of 2007) and we decide that we're going to get married. It's not just some dumb young love BS, we know we're perfect for each other. She even stated "I know we're not perfect, but our love is." I love her for that, I really like that statement. Anyway, I decide to save up money for a ring and all that, and it's hard because school interferes with making money. Then, we have a conversation about how maybe marriage should wait until we're both financially stable, and we both agree that that's a wonderful idea. Basically, our lives consist of seeing each other. She goes to class, and when she gets out, i pick her up. We spend all of our time together.
Sorry for the choppy transitioning, it's just hard to think right now. I'm breaking these up into a really bad paragraph form to make this whole thing a little easier to read. Ok, so my girlfriend has a few friends that she likes to hang out with. Sometimes we don't want to do anything but spend time with each other, so we kind of have to make ourselves go other places. Anyway, her friends like to drink. Now, I really disapprove of this behavior because of years of alcoholism and abuse in my family, but she's shown me that drinking isn't an evil thing. She rarely does it anyway, so I'm ok with that. She used to drink a ton before she was with me, but she said she's realized the fault in that.
Ok, fastforward to the week before valentines day. When we're hanging out, she doesn't want to do anything. She goes out with her friends and stays up late, but she won't stay up with me. I recognize that something is wrong. I keep asking her what, but she won't say. This goes on throughout the week, and it gets better for a little while. But, the week of valentines day she breaks the routine. Normally, i drop her off and pick her up at a certain time. Well on monday of last week, I dropped her off and she didn't call me until hours after I was supposed to pick her up. She said she got a ride home from her friend (who is also her roomate, along with two other girls in a house they share) and I'm ok with that. But, she says she'll be busy the rest of the night too, and that's really strange because I usually spend the night. I say ok, whatever, and go to sleep that night. Well the next day, I go out to lunch with her and she says she's going to go drinking with that same friend that night, and I say ok. I don't see her again the rest of the day. The next day, I saw her a little bit before I had to work, and she sent me home and hour and half before I even had to get ready.
On Valentines day, I had something special planned for her. It didn't seem right doing everything I was planning since we'd kind of been in a week long fight, but I thought what the hell, I really do love her. Besides, I'd been wanting to give her flowers for a long time but had put it off since valentines day was coming up. My plan is to take her to school like I usually do, go back to her house instead of going to school like I usually do, and set everything up. Well, when I get there she says she is sick. She's not going to class. That really ruins my plans. She gives me my present, which is a book I've really been wanting, and I tell her about my plan and ask her if she'll look the other way while i set things up. She agrees, and I run home to get the stuff and then come back and set it all up while she's in the shower. She comes back, says she really loves it all. but she doesn't give me a kiss or anything. I ended up taking her to class after that because she said she felt better.
After her class, she calls me and she says she's been crying. I asked her what was wrong. She said that lately she's been feeling numb. She doesn't care about anything, and although it makes her feel terrible, she doesn't care about me. She says that she really misses her family and she feels she should be there watching her niece and nephew grow up. She also says she should have been there for her grandpa (who died right before we got together, it's a reason she started talking to me. He was like a father to her.) and that she wants to be there for her grandma whom she fears may die soon. She also comments on how me and her are at different stages in life, she's getting ready to graduate college while im getting ready to start it. She says she doesn't even love herself right now, and she says it's not fair to me. She tells me how I've been the best boyfriend she's ever had, and how she wants to love me but she can't. She tels me she thinks we need a break. I'm crying by this point, and she says she'll talk to me later, she needs some time alone. I agree.
Well, about an hour full of me crying later, she calls back. She asks if I want to get something to eat with her. I agree to. She picks me up, and immediately we hug each other. We even kiss each other. Then, we get our food, and park in a lot and eat. We share each others stuff as usual, and she tells me she really didn't want to hurt me. She then asks if I"m going to change my facebook status and if I'm going to take my earing out that she made me get. I say "no, why would I?" She shrugs. Then, we both smoked a cigarrette. Now, that's really strange since we both don't smoke, but it felt good. Then, after that, she dropped me off at home.
That night, I cried and cried. I made up my mind that I needed to make her happy. I devised a plan to take her out somewhere, sit her down and cheer her up. Tell her to stop worrying about money, school, her family, etc... Well, when I call, she says she's already with another friend. I'm hurt that she can spend time with someone, but I say ok. She calls me back ten minutes later and says that she's in the bathroom and asks me what I wanted to tell her. I say that it will take awhile, and she insists on me telling her. Well, I really tily tel her that I was going to take her out and she says oh sorry im with my friend. She says she'll call me later.
After that, I called a friend whom I don't know well (he's 23) and he takes me out driving. He's the nicest guy in the world, and I think he'll become one of my best friends. We drive for hours, and it's 2:30 in the morning when my girlfriend calls me. I don't answer, and my friend takes me back to my car. I call her back and she asks me to come over. I come over and hold her tight. She crys a little, and says she's sorry. Then (and I know you guys don't want to hear this, but I feel it's important) we make out and make love.
The next day she's going to leave for home. I feel like everything is fine. It's not. It's as if the events after 2:30 AM never happened. I take her to class, eat lunch with her, and help her pack her car. She goes to her home town for the weekend. She promises she'll call me. It's almost a 3 hour drive there. The town is a really small town, only 3000 people. She has to use her homephone to call me, because her cell phone doesn't have service there. I probably talk to her a total of 15 minutes that weekend. And it's only when she calls me.
Sunday night, she calls me at 7 pm and tells me she's starting toward my town. It's snowing really bad out, so I tell her to be careful. She doesn't call me again until 1:00 AM that night. She says her phone died, and that she went out with one of her friends and thought it would have enough charge for her to call me. I ask her why she didn't call me first. She gets kind of annoyed, and says she doesn't know. She goes to sleep, and I don't see her until monday afternoon when she asks if I want to get lunch. During lunch we kind of had a good time. We playfully hit each other and stuff, and ate each others food. She also tells me about a tattoo she thinks she wants to get, and then she tells me not to worry, she promised she wouldn't get a tattoo until my birthday came around so we could get one together. Afterword, I dropped her off at class and she said she'd call me later. Well, at 11pm, she texted me saying she was going to sleep. I respond "ok..." and she texts me back saying that she knows I want to talk, but she doesn't have any answers. I call her, and she says shes tired and asks why I called. I tell her that I need to talk, she's been putting me off but she's allowed herself time to spend with her friends. After an hour of arguing, I tell her I want to meet her in person. She doesn't want to, but finally she agrees to. She says I have to come to her house.
When I leave for her house, it's 2:00 AM. I get there, and sit on her bed. She's laying under the covers. I tell her that I think she's depressed. She gets a little angry but doesn't say anything. I beg her to tell me what's wrong, and I tell her how I still love her. She tells me that I'm pushing her away by doing all this, and that she needs to be independent. She says she doesn't know whats wrong with her, and that she never wanted to hurt me. She says that the first day after our break started she didn't know what to do with herself. She said that she had become too dependent on me and that wasn't good. She says she's sorry, and that she needs some space. I suggest that maybe we shouldn't talk to each other until she's ready to talk, and she said her mom suggested the same thing. As I'm leaving, she asks me if I want to spend the night and I say that I'd better not. She says ok, and I haven't seen her since.
The next day, I texted her asking her to go to lunch (stupid me can't keep a bargain), and she didn't reply.
The next day, I find that our facebook relationship has ended, and I snoop around her page to find that she's hanging out with friends. I send her an email telling her all my feelings, and it's got a lot of good stuff in it, and I even tell her it's not an attempt to get her to talk to me. I just gave her my stance on the relationship, and what I was feeling. I told her to call me when she was ready to talk, and that we didn't even have to talk about the relationship. I told her I wasn't expecting a reply, but she could send one if she wanted.
The next day (yesterday) I got the flu. I've been puking ever since. I put my status on facebook as me being sick, and went to bed the rest of the night. When I woke up a couple of hours ago, I checked my page and she had sent me a message saying "i hope you feel better..." and her picture had changed. Her new picture is one of a new tattoo, the one she spoke to me about on monday. She didn't even tell me about it.
I don't know what to think. She's the love of my life, and I don't know if giving her space is helping. I think she's gone out drinking the last few nights, and she has yet to contact me. She promised me she would, but I don't know if whe will. She feels bad that she's been making me feel bad, but I don't even know if she's been thinking of me? What do you guys think I should do? I never want to lose her, she once made me promise that I'd never give up on her, even if she was acting stupid. I don't know what to do... All I've been able to do the last couple of days is puke and cry. The last time I saw her was 84 hours ago... :(
I hope someone can help, leaving her really isn't an option for me. Should I give her more space, or should I go after her?
