My relationship of 4 1/2 years just ended about a week ago because she said she had not been single for years, but she loves me and still sees us together forever. She says that she doesn't really want to date, she just needs some time and likes the idea that could date if she wanted too. She said she needs to do this now, instead of later down the road if we are married or something.

I've talked to her friends and family and they all say she is miserable and they really don't even know why she did what she did. I couldn't even get a clear answer from her. I personally think its because her roommates all are braking up with their b/f's and coming to her to lean on.

I told her that I would not call her, that she would have to call me to get back together, because I want to give all the space she needs and time; her friend said that she was very happy that I understood and have been supportive of this.

Well its been about a week and a half now and I'm going crazy. She is too according to her family and friends, they said she feels so guilty for putting me through this and mad at her self even though she thinks she shouldn't be cause she wanted this.

What should I do? Keep the communication off? She has not called me at all or anything either, but it just sucks.


How long should I wait before I can safely move on? Like I said all her friends talk to me and then talk to her... she hasn't really even told them yet, but after they talk to her they all said they feel better and think we will be fine. They say she is deeply in love with me still and hates feeling like this but just wants to get it out now.

How old is she? Maybe she might be trying to find herself, or in other words her identification. You know what I mean? Like who she is. Or maybe she saying she just wants to be friends, and isn't taking it well that she left you. Give her space and tell her that your there for her if she needs you. Be good friends if you aren't togther because she sounds like she needs your help and to let her know that you aren't upset she left you... but that's just my advice

Hey mate,
I'm in a similar situation. Been with my girl for 4 years.
Its so hard ey- she broke up with me about 5 weeks ago, its all a long story. I was away for about 3 months and then suddnely she said she was enjoying being single and everything. She doesn't want another bloke at the moment.
I said to her, if she thinks the grass is greener, don't hold back. She said it wouldn't be better just different. I think many people get to a stage- particularly girls, where they think they need to define themselves without another. Pretty sad, because we were extremely tight- spent nearly everyday together.
I haven't had contact for about 3 days, I check my phone, every message I hope its her. But its not. We decided to cut ties, she needs to know how life is without me, I wish I could be there on a friends level- but I need to put myself first and heal and have space. Maybe the spark has died off for her, but I think in my heart she may return- but I plan for the worse hope for the best.
Keep sticking at no contact for a while, if she's hurting shell come back for sure mate. My bird is going out a fair bit with her old friends and enjoying life without attachments- seeing what life is like I guess. I know she hurts too, but its a lot easier for the person that's made the decision because (1)they know they have a fall back (2) and they can go out and do what they want because in reality.
My advice, cool your heals for abit- get a bit of perspective. Turn it around on you and ask is she what you want, were there things you really didn't like. Were you guys comfortable and crusing abit? I know we were to en extent however, we were going to move in and get our life started.
In the end it sounds cliche- and I hope I take my own advice. Do your thing, worry aboout yourself, chill out for abit with mates- if its meant to be its meant to be.
Thank god its not happening 3 years down the track at the alter or 10 years into marriage.
You're a good bloke, you've done nothing wrong- sometimes people just get to a different place- or maybe she's just makingsure you're the one.
Keep kicking

That's what my ex said too... at first. I hate to say it but I think she might just be letting you down easy... it may seem like she's all for getting back together, but she may just be putting that in your head so she will feel less guilty.

As for my ex, she started dating someone almost immediately after (if not before) she broke it off. It came totally out of the blue and yeah, that was about 2 months ago... guess what, she's still with that other guy, says she's in love with him and can't wait to marry him... basically the most retarded thing I've ever heard, but I'm told that's a rebound and that most don't last... but whatever... she's not coming back. And I hate to say it again, but I don't think yours will either.

You've got the right idea, NC all the way, DO NOT wait for her, nobody is worth putting your life on hold for. If she likes the idea of dating other guys, chances are, she will... then if she comes back it may only be for friendship, and if you go with that she'll have a new girlfriend named ALY54. Leave her alone, move on now, save yourself the confusion... if she's not sure now, when is she ever going to be? If she was really still in love with you then no "break" would be necessary. I'm sorry for your loss buddy, and I really do feel for you. Read the stickies in this forum, read ISNEEZEFUNNY's thread, ROMEFALLS thread, my thread. Give it time and don't call her or answer her until she is pounding on your door.

Give her what she asked for if she truly is miserable like her family and friends claim she'll get back with you, mabe she really does need just too remember what life was like without you and chose if that's really what she wants. But meanwhile try too enjoy this little break for yourself too.

Got to spread before giving some love to ihatewestseneca.

ihatewestseneca has it down to a science.

Same thing happened to me too. Her family and friends kept telling me to call her because she was SO miserable that she didn't eat or sleep.

... 2 weeks later, she's with a new guy.

2 months later, I'm doing much better.

What to do during the breakup? Go hang out with some buddies, go volunteer, learn how to speak a different language, start a new season of a TV show, find a hobby, etc. the list goes on.

When I first got here, people kept telling me to go to the gym. My initial reaction was: what's with these people and the gym idea? What's wrong with these people?

... nevertheless, I went. And man, I know what they're talking about now. While working out, you unleash all that anger on weights... then afterwards, you feel pretty good... then a month later, you look at yourself in the mirror, and realize you need to buy another wardrobe because you've lost about 18 lbs of fat and gained 12 lbs of muscle.

Getting dumped has made me damn sexy. It's the new fad. Try it.

She's almost 21 years old friiendz_r_4eva.

Thanks for the advice even though I hope some of what was said doesn't come true. Keeping positive here.

Anyway I was talking to the mutual friend between us and she said that my ex said when she knows its right and comes back she never wants to feel like she does now and will stay forever because this will make us so much closer.

Don't know what that really means but I like to see it as a positive thing. I've read the Secret too many times, but I'm giving it a try

Sadly, no, don't re-initiate the contact. She asked for space and you were very understanding to give it to her. You dictated the terms of the "space" when you told her that she would have to call you when she was ready. That was very good and very mature of you to do... and yes, very painful.

Unfortunately, you're going to have to wait for her to contact you.

As far as how long before you move on? Well, only you are going to know that. When you feel you are able to try, then you will be able to move on. Only you will know when your heart has healed enough to start dating again. When you're ready, go on. Don't live your life wishing for the past to come again. Focus on the future. She may be a part of your future, but focus on YOU and your infinite possibilities.

If this girl is really just "confused" about herself and just following the crowd that's breaking up with their boyfriends, then she will have to come to the realization that she had a good thing and let it go. When she comes back it may be with the intention of staying forever... but hopefully it won't be too late...

You're doing well. You're being strong. Keep it up.

Tough situation, I feel for you man. However, the amount of speculation your doing is not helping the situation one bit.

All this talk about why she did it and she's getting it out now makes no sense, no sense at all. She is breaking up with you now so she won't have to later? She broke up with you because her friends were breaking up with their boyfriends? She's sad and miserable without you but she wants it that way?

All this is confusing you and you entertaining these thoughts will only make it harder. I do believe she was letting you down easier with the notion it may be only for awhile, don't put any weight on that. However, don't go assuming its another guy or that she does not care for you either. Just don't assume ANYTHING. Leave it be, she wants space, there's your answer bud. Anything you say is not going to change things one bit, she asked for space so its on her to take what she wants. If she wants to talk she'll let you know, if not, you'll not hear from her.

Don't contact.

I think you should talk to her not through your mutual friend but directly to her , she is young and may be need your attention this way , because I don't think it's a genuine reason to break up , I mean just because others are breaking up , talk to her that you love her so much can't live without her , show your love , and don't involve ego in love , take first step and I wish you all the best :)

I would love to talk to her, but I feel if I talk to her I will not truly be giving her the space she asked for and letting her know what its going to be like without me. I think by not communicating with her she will realize faster what she really wants.

Hey aly54, my ex said the same things to me. We are both 20 and been together since we were 15. About a month ago she broke up with me at the beginning of our spring semester in collage. She told me that she loved me, that I was her best friend, and that she could sees herself marrying me. She gave me the same reasonings as yours did.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by aly54

She says that she doesn't really want to date, she just needs some time and likes the idea that could date if she wanted too. She said she needs to do this now, instead of later down the road if we are married or something.

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Naturally I was suspicious but I loved and trusted her so I reluctantly agreed to give her time and space to figure things out. It hurt but I figured this was only temporary and that we will be back together in no time. She would call and we would have "small talk," never wanted to discuss about "us" but assured me that she wasn't interested in anybody else. This went on for a little over a week until I got a call from a buddy of mine.

I found out that she is with another guy and had been since the day of our breakup. It was the worst pain I had ever felt. I called her and confronted her about it. Its been about 2 or 3 weeks since then but that was the last time we have spoken.

I do hope your situation is different but since I have been on this site they all seem to end the same. Listen to everybodys advice about going with NC. It also would be in your interest to read Isneezefunny, romefalls, wot2do, and ihatewestsenca's forums. They all have very similar stories and you can learn from them. I wish the best for you.

Give yourself a hundred points for giving her what she ask for, and sticking by it. Your next move, is you building a life that you enjoy, without her. Love yourself enough to be happy, all by yourself. Whether she misses you or not.

Aly, I know a lot of people mentioned that these situations end up with the girl leaving for another guy. For what its worth, I don't think she left you for another guy, the information does not support that so its just speculation. For the love of God please don't go digging for information pertaining to that, better you let it alone. I never found out about my ex seeing anyone and I feel like I'm one of the lucky one's that got off easier because of that.

Thanks everyone just getting everything off my chest makes me feel a little better each time

Move on now ; don't wait. As long as she isn't there for you, don't waste your life waiting around for her. She may eventually call you or she may not. But go an live your life and be the captain of your own ship without waiting or depending on her.