No one sets out to be a "bad" person... and yet, we run across them, or at least our interpretation of them, all the time. Do you think that they think they are bad people, or do they have justifications for their actions? I have lately begun lumping myself in this category. I can no longer make excuses for myself... I have exhibited behaviors that are hurtful to others, whether they know it or not. I have found myself to be a dishonest person, something I typically abhor. I am also old enough to know better and to stop making mistakes with my life, and yet, I seem unwilling to change. I fear that I may be alienating everyone in my life: my husband, children, friends, family members. I don't know what is wrong with me. Am I just crazy?

Everyone who does any action, whether it be judged good or bad, can justify what they do. A terrorist can justify killing because it is what he is commanded by his government or faith to do. A thief can justify stealing a car and will give his/her reason why. It is their perspective. They may see nothing wrong in what they do, as long the end justifes the means. So, are you like that?

If so and you do not want to change and are compelled to do the things you say others abhor then are you willing to face the consequences? You say you fear that your actions are alienating your family, friends, et. al. If you are unwilling to change, why would this bother you? Also, why would anyone want to stay around you when your behavior is that "bad" (to borrow your word)?

You ask if you are crazy. Are you? I don't think so. I think there is enough in you that you realize what is going on but you lack the ability and/or the desire to change for the better. In that case, you really do need professional help. A therapist, a psychologist, perhaps even a psychiatrist. But you are willing to make the first step and go and talk to your doctor and explain this all? And then ask for help? And then follow through?

I think talking to a therapist or doctor might help you right now. Sometimes it's good to get some professional help when you're trying to get your life back on track. The fact that you are upset about how you have been acting means that there is still some good in you because you do care and want to change. Now, it is up to you to make the necessary changes.
I think talking to someone like a therapist can help you figure out why you are doing the things you are doing. There must be some reason for it. Once you find out why you are tempted to act in certain ways, it will be easier to recognize the patterns you fall into and change. As far as alienating those around you, only you can change that. Be open and honest with them about how you are feeling right now and ask for their help and support as you begin the process of changing your actions.
Like I said, don't give up on yourself. You can become the person you want to be; it may not be easy and you may have to change some things, but you CAN do it! :)

You have taken the first step... admitting that you have a problem. Now, in order to respect yourself, you will have to *change*. We can't stay all comfortable with our well-worn behaviors, we have to venture into the land emotional discomfort and uncertainty... basically, taking a chance on others treat us with love and kindness, and that we can handle constructive comments.

Find a *good* therapist to help you. :)

It is a very valid question.

I believe Socrates considered the question long ago. I cannot remember the exact wording but the gist of it goes like this:

Very seldom ,if ever, do you meet a person who is totally evil or bad, same goes for good people. He likens the comparison to very tall people and very short people, you rarely see a very, very tall person walking around and just as seldom see a very,very short person either. The idea, at least to me, means that all people are, on average, equally good and bad, it is within all of us to commit wrongs but also in all of us to spread good.

I guess in the grand scheme of things it matters whether you are better or worse than the next person, you yourself are the one who must love yourself. Acknowleging that your choices have not been the best is the first step in correcting future decisions.

Hope this makes sense.

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Originally Posted by saraclark

No one sets out to be a "bad" person...and yet, we run across them, or at least our interpretation of them, all the time. Do you think that they think they are bad people, or do they have justifications for their actions? I have lately begun lumping myself in this category. I can no longer make excuses for myself...I have exhibited behaviors that are hurtful to others, whether they know it or not. I have found myself to be a dishonest person, something I typically abhor. I am also old enough to know better and to stop making mistakes with my life, and yet, I seem unwilling to change. I fear that I may be alienating everyone in my life: my husband, children, friends, family members. I don't know what is wrong with me. Am I just crazy?

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I don't know your full background, can you tell me when it started? Since your teenage ? It's a personality type then . But good thing is you have insight about your problem ,we do negative things to get attention , try to figure out what you get after doing such things, could be feeling or emotion , do you feel relaxed or become more tense , or you do it for pleasure ,
But I think its not too late :)

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Originally Posted by drnidz

i dont know your full background, can u tell me when it started off? since your teenage ? its a personality type then . but good thing is u have insight about your problem ,we do negative things to get attention , try to figure out what u get after doing such things, could be feeling or emotion , do u feel relaxed or become more tense , or u do it for pleasure ,
but i think its not too late :)

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No, it's been fairly recently (last few years) that I've been doing things that were "out of character" for me... to the point that I wonder if that really IS my character - to hide things, to lie, to speak ill of people, etc. I know I feel badly about it, I guess it's just a matter of making myself STOP. Making myself a better person. Truly, I am too old for this. Thanks to everyone for their responses. Sometimes you just have to know that someone cares, even if it's a stranger...

Recently means something happened to you recently , I mean was there any precipetating incident ?any thought? Before starting this state yours.. like feeling of worthlessness or like nobody loves... or something else , think about it if u find something , :)

You may benefit from talking to a counselor or psychologist. Are you involved in some type of church? Your clergyman could be a good source of counsel. You'd also have the benefit of the moral teachings of your church to guide you in making better choices. Although the specifics may vary from one denomination to another, they all espouse the same core ideas of honest, upright living and love for one another. Having some sort of spiritual guidance could go a long way in helping you to be a better person.