My husband and I have been married for a year in April. We have a one year old. Since we have been together he has spent two months in jail for threats made. He has also stayed a month in a mental hospital, where they diagnosed him with bipolar disorder, split personalities, and manic depression. We are trying to work this all out with each other, but it is difficult because we have grown so far apart. We need to learn how to love again, and how to communicate. He told me today he can't talk to me in person, but on the phone he is completely comfortable... Is that WEIRD?:confused: :confused:


Any help will be greatly appreciated!!

The two months in jail was that for threats to you? If the answer is yes I wouldn't even attempt to work it out.

Two months he was in jail and another month in mental institution this will be a hard and long road. He needs serious and professional help. He needs a lot of counseling and maybe even medication. Keep the phone contact. Hopefully, he will start to manage his mental illness and function. Once he has stable job and apartment slowly try to rebuild your relationship go on dates and spend time together. Eventually things will fall into place.

The threats were to me, but I said "I DO" and I meant it "til death do us part"

We've been together for 3 years but only married for one. He is in counseling now, and is medicated for all of his conditions. We take parenting classes together, drug abuse classes together(he was bad off on drugs), we have a date night every week, we are supposed to talk at least 30 minutes nightly(our marriage counselor told us to do that), we have a home, he has two jobs, I have two jobs, and we have a one year old... I bet you're thinking, what is the problem?? We do not communicate. If we do it is something meaningless, and it doesn't get in depth at all. I love him just not like I used to, and I want to get to that point again

Did you know of his problems before you got married? If you guys dated for three years, its hard for me to believe that none of the signs that something was wrong came up. You guys didn't just get married because you found out that you were pregnant, did you? I know that these are some personal questions but I'm just trying to get an idea of the situation.

I knew of his drinking habits, but not of the drugs. We've been together 3 years total, so we were only together for 2 years before we got married. And yes, I hate to admit it but I did marry him only because we had a child together. I love him, but am tired of the b.s. you know? The time we dated, I was either in school, or at work, we didn't spend much time together, and the dates we went on, we were alone, and I am kind of nieve about drugs, and the ways it makes people act. Well,. I WAS nieve

Death do you part does not mean for life or until he kills you.
This guy has some serious problems, ones you are not capable of coping with nor should you. There is no reason to stay with some one who is abusive. You don't want your child surrounded by this kind of behavior.
I know you love him, but you need to love yourself and your child.
Let the professionals take care of him and you take care of your child and yourself.

Listen to the above post ! "...until death do you part" was never intended to apply to abusive relationships. I don't particularly agree with divorce, matter of fact, I think that too many people get married thinking.. "if it doesn't work out, I'll just divorce them" instead of trying to work minor things out for a lasting relationship... BUT abuse is not minor and should NEVER be tolerated.

Also, your child must be your first priority, even above yourself. She or he is an innocent bystander relying on you to protect him/her. Even if the abuse is solely to you, the child is subjected to it and it is damaging, and there is no guarantee that with the mental illnesses you described that it won't extend to your child at some point.

That is pretty much how my marriage went only my x didn't want to work on anything.
Before I got married nobody got divorced and it was 'for better or worse' then after I was married a couple years everybody was getting divorced but the idea just sounded so foreign to me and I thought you had to make it work 'for the kids' Then one day I realized that for the kids would be divorce although that did have some adverse effects as well.
If he is doing everything to make it work then that is a big step in the right direction.
If he is not abusing you any more then that is a big plus in his favor.
If he is half heartedly attempting to straighten his life out and/or abusive, still drinking or drugs then you could very well be wasting your time.
If you are having a hard time talking maybe you could find some interests you both could share like a hobby or something.