Hi... new to site. When should he call for Saturday night date? I think Wednesday. Thursday seems too late for me. I usually have plans by then... for real. He called me last time on a Thursday for a weekend date (Friday or Saturday was not specified). I told him that I had plans and that we could go out on a weeknight the following week. So, we went out on a Wednesday night. I last heard from him Saturday afternoon. It's Wednesday... shouldn't he be calling me today to ask me out for the weekend? UUUUGGGGHHHHHH... I don't know why I care so much! I think that I am just bored at work... :D

Don't worry about it. It isn't that big of a deal. If you care about it that much suck it up and ask him.

All right... it's Thursday morning. Still no call... but, I am over it now. Kind of! GRRRR! ;) I can't call him. We haven't dated enough for me to feel comfortable enough to call and ask him "WHY DON"T YOU LIKE ME ENOUGH?? "

... why don't you call him to say, Hey, what're you doing this weekend? Want to hang out?

I usually call Tuesday for a Friday date... so wed for a Saturday date seems normal.

But yeah. Call him. Ask him out on a date.

ISF said it, call him up and ask him if he wants to do something on Saturday. There's nothing wrong with you showing him that you'd like to spend time with him.

Good luck, hon! :)

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Originally Posted by whyohwhy

We haven't dated enough for me to feel comfortable enough to call and ask him "WHY DON"T YOU LIKE ME ENOUGH?????"

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That's not the point. You need to reframe how you think about this.

He works, has a life, is busy grocery shopping, doing his laundry, gassing up his car, walking his dog, and is involved in all sorts of mundane things. He not calling probably has nothing to do with not liking you enough. Men aren't like women. Men don't have a dance card and spend all week filling it up. Men walk up to a woman on the dancefloor and say, "Hey. Wanna dance?" Men tend to be spontaneous and even impulsive.

Or, he's probably scared to death you will turn him down and is gathering up his courage to ask you out again. If he waits until the last minute and finally asks you, you might very well have other plans and will tell him no. Thus, his prophecy has been fulfilled: She doesn't like me enough.

For pete's sake. Call him and ask him out.

All right... his MO is to call around lunch time (when he calls). He never calls at night. I've been out with him three times now. I am having lunch with a couple of friends... I'll call him after that IF he hasn't called first. I just don't want to come off as chasing him. I like to be the one being pursued.

His MO?. you just barely started dating him...

I got to ask, how old are you? You're looking into this WAYY too deep like a middle schooler.

Guys don't have MOs. We call when we want... when we have time... or when we think of you. We don't perform rituals. This is where the miscommunication lies most of the time between men and women. Women think we do certain things because we think certain ways... which isn't true a lot of the times.

I understand you want to be pursued... but really, a relationship's about equality. You chase him, he chases you... give and take.

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Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny

his MO? ...you just barely started dating him...

I gotta ask, how old are you? You're looking into this WAYY too deep like a middle schooler.

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OUCH!! I'm 39. I know... I am overanalyzing it. That's what women do.

c'mon... at 39, you got to have this game down right?

Really. Don't worry too much about it. If he doesn't call, and you want to see him, then call. Guys actually LIKE it when girls call to ask them out. And I strongly doubt that it'll make him stop chasing you... if anything, it'll strengthen it (if he likes you) because he'll see that you like him as well.

OK... so I sent him a txt message asking "Whatcha doing?" and he called me and told me that he is sick. He did sound pretty sick. He said that hopefully he'll feel better in a couple of days. He asked if I was free this weekend and I told him that I was free on Saturday night and so he had to get better. He said that he hoped so. We talked for a little while and he said that he would call me soon.

well, you know more now...

but I think you need to rethink your, uh, thinking. =)

first of all, you are in the early, early stages of dating... and id be worried if he was constantly pestering you. Yes, you should be chased and its great fun... but at the same time... a guy who has a healthy balance in his life, especially if he's older, just might not be trying to drive you mad. He might be busy with life.

so time to back off a little. You are setting yourself up for repeated frustration. Be open. Be willing to talk. But don't try to make him something he isn't. If he isn't chasing you hard enough, don't force it... take a breath and think about it... but not to the point where you drive yourself mad.

maybe he's just never going to chase you down as you want. Maybe he's a great guy with a dozen things on his schedule. Maybe there's more to the pic. Maybe its all maddening speculation.

what id do, if he calls too late in the week and you have plans, is to tell him straight up that you'd like to see him, but he called too late. I understand what that means. Ill modify my behavior if I don't like the results, or ill live with it if its exactly what I like.

but you are too deep too soon to be this flustered. You need to take some control back.

I know it's early. I'm not that deep. I like him... but, not head over. It takes a while for me to get to that point. I just get a little frustrated. I have kids and I only have so much free time, so I like to take advantage of it. This weekend... no kids ;)

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Originally Posted by whyohwhy

OK...so I sent him a txt message asking "Whatcha doing?" and he called me and told me that he is sick. He did sound pretty sick. He said that hopefully he'll feel better in a couple of days. He asked if I was free this weekend and I told him that I was free on Saturday night and so he had to get better. He said that he hoped so. We talked for a little while and he said that he would call me soon.

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Sheesh, missing an opportunity here!

Make some chicken noodle soup and garlic bread and drop it off! Don't stay too long, either, make it a thoughtful thing because he's sick.

If he's still under the weather, offer to cook for him (read that "pamper him") a little at home. Even if he says no, it will be well-remembered.

Oh yeah, and get over the pursuer/pursuee mentality. Your relationship with the guy (any guy) deserves some individual attention and response to who you are today, not some formula you have tucked away from years gone by.

There is a difference in being straighforward and honest about your likes/dislikes/feelings/etc and being a "chaser". Don't be a chaser, fine, but don't sit back and wait for things to happen on their own, either.

BTW, we've been married 23 years and I have to agree, the BIG stuff I plan for, but most fun stuff I do is very spontaneous. If my wife put structure on how I had to do those things, they would lose all joy for me. Remember that. Guys don't think like girls, and definitely don't think as MUCH as girls, hehe.

I know... you're right. I did miss an opportunity. I thought about that after the fact and I thought about the whole soup thing as well. DARN IT!! :D I did call him on Saturday afternoon to see how he was doing. I left a message. He called me on Sunday and said that he just slept all day (15 hours straight). We have a date on Wednesday night.

A friend of mine invited me to go to the Billy Joel concert on Saturday night. I don't listen to his music regularly... but, it was a really good concert. Later that night I met up with some other friends and met another guy. He asked if he could take me out to dinner sometime and I gave him my number.

I have another Saturday night coming up :eek:

Kids make it more of a challenge for sure, and I understand your frustration... when I started dating my wife, single mother then of a 13 year old, her time was prioritized toward her time with her daughter, time for herself, and then dating... which sometimes meant precious little "open windows" for dating.

Best advice, even though you really haven't been dating him long, is to be straight up about it. If he has a habit of not planning early enough, make other plans. Be willing to tell him your situation... that you are open to seeing him, but you need to manage your time well... which includes not waiting by a phone.

My wife made it clear to me early on what she needed if I planned on chasing her... I never took offense to it. I prefer to know the reality and work within that reality, or step back knowing it doesn't fit me.

I know a girl who absolutely loved a guy to pieces. They were together a few times over several years.. but he was a poster child for the disorganized. She, on the other hand, lived by times, schedules, and appointments... not that she couldn't be spontaneous... but she was involved in a lot of things, and she had to be actively involved in planning things out... he never got it. Drove her NUTS. MAD. He couldn't so much as decide what time to go to dinner and where. It was always last minute ideas, and mostly her filling in the blanks. As much as she loved many things about him, they just couldn't be together.

So I guess the point is you don't know where his head is yet... up his arse or just in some other kind of dark. Clueless? Busy? Disorganized? Self centered? Clueless?

I know... I said clueless twice. I'm a guy and I've been clueless enough times in my life I thought it decerved double billing.

So just talk to him if this keeps coming up. If you can't talk to him about this for fear of driving him off, or if he can't take the truth about your situation, it isn't a good fit.

LOL! Ya... I guess my opportunity will be on Wednesday night.
That's the thing too. I seem to be in a Wednesday night dating rut with him. He asks when I'm available... I say Wed or Sat and he picks Wed. I think that I need to be busy on Wednesday's from now on. Saturday is so much easier for me. I have time to get ready. I can stay out late. Half the time I wouldn't need a babysitter. Wednesday's I always need a babysitter. Then... I am exhausted Thursday. Although, I am good with Wed if I get Sat too ;) .

He doesn't have kids...

BTW - I have my kids 90% of the time... so I don't feel guilty getting a babysitter once in a while. They're probably relieved to get rid of me.