Ask Me Help Desk - What does this tell you

I split up with my boyfriend, as I couldn't hack his high sex drive. Everything else was perfect about him, but I can't help but feel now that I've thrown him away just for something that every lad wants, no I think ill never find anyone as good as him, as every lad I meet wants sex.

He has mithered for me to come back to him, but something keeps telling me no. but when I tell him to leave me alone I feel so sad and like empty, I feel as if something's been removed from inside me.

Its been going on for 6 weeks now, since I ended it. Why if I don't want to be with is he still if not on my mind MORE, then I always go out in the hope ill see him, I always dress to impress, especially for work, all the time I do things to go out my way to look better when I know I'm going to see him, what is this all about? Why do I feel empty if I'm not sure its what I want?

Hi, to begin with were you happy? Cause you said everything was perfect about him except the high sex drive. Usually when the guy wants to have sex with us.. it's very positive. It means he finds us attractive.. which is good. Maybe you are not sure if you want him back because the fact that he was so high driven on sex made you feel.. I don't know.. a bit used. Meaning he gave so much attention to sex, and paid not so much attention to the other emotional staff and that wasn't enough. You should take a break and think about what you need and want in a relationship... this will help you figure out if he is going to be a part of it. If you still find it hard to accept him back then its probably what you need to do, if you realize he is worth it then accept him back.. What makes you feel HAPPY!

One thing every girl (or, guy for that matter) should remember is that you should never let any boy (or girl) make you do something you do not want to do. If you "can't hack his high sex drive" and do not want to then don't.

Its as simple as that.

Also, in agreement with Shivers13, you need to figure out what makes you happy and complete and follow that. If you were happy, complete, and cherished when you were with this guy, maybe all you need to do is address the issue... sit down and talk to him about your hangups and your concerns. This may be an easy fix for the both of you... communication.

But honey, again, never make anyone convince you to do something, or make you feel guilted into doing something you don't want to do!

Good luck, Dear heart. Find your own path and follow it into the bright future that you are worthy of! :)

You miss him because you had feelings for him, but you weren't a perfect fit, and you chose to leave. I understand you need more than sex, but this isn't about that at all. Its about the non-ability to communicate, and express your wants, and needs, and being unwilling to work together, to solve your problems to the benefit of you both. Without that any relationship, no matter how "perfect" is doomed. If your unwilling to communicate with him, then move on. Neither of you is a mindreader.

Quote:

Originally Posted by easytiger9

i split up with my boyfriend, as i couldnt hack his high sex drive. everything else was perfect about him, but i can't help but feel now that ive thrown him away just for something that every lad wants, no i think ill never find anyone as good as him, as every lad i meet wants sex.

he has mithered for me to come back to him, but something keeps telling me no. but when i tell him to leave me alone i feel so sad and like empty, i feel as if somethings been removed from inside me.

its been going on for 6 weeks now, since i ended it. why if i dont want to be with is he still if not on my mind MORE, then i always go out in the hope ill see him, i always dress to impress, especially for work, all the time i do things to go out my way to look better when i know im going to see him, what is this all about? why do i feel empty if im not sure its what i want?

I understand you breaking up because of the sex situation, but this is something that is repairable through communication, I think it is more to it than that, because If everything else was perfect and you care for him you would have talk to him about it, and if he said he couldn't stop having sex then I could see you ending it that easily.. But I think the emotions come from you not talking it out, you just reacted because you "couldn't Hack the high sex drive" Women sometimes we get something and we don't want it, sometimes we don't get enough we want more, and when it cease we miss it... it is hard to find a medium... but Communication is definitely needed in situations like this, otherwise you will just confuse yourself all the more..

Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.” lol that was a joke or maybe not

Thanks so much for your advice. Had like 24 hours with no contact, and left me feeling a bit down and miserable. Had a big text chat tonight, and basically he just says he cares so much he is prepared to do anything for me. He started exercising to release his sexual tention there, he is trying to think about it less, he says he misses me and my comfort and support not sex. He wants to help me in everyway and care for me and look after me and be there for me. He wants to prove that he's not just after sex and there's more to a relationship, like talking, being with each other, going out on day trips, supporting each other. He says I make him a better person. He just says all he asks me to do is talk to him and tell him what I like and dislike where he is going right and wrong, he said we can take it as slow as we want, he will wait as long as I need, etc. he says that he finds me hard to read as I can be hot one minute cold the next, but deep down I think I want to give him that chance, I mean you can't get much better than what I've just said and that's all his words, taken from texts he has sent tonight. Basically I don't not want sex, I just don't like dirty sex, whereas he does. He said he will deal with that as he wants me so much.

Top and bottom I went out with him and ended it in a flash of lightning and it broke my heart to see how persistent and nice he was and how he showed so much affection after what I did, I'm just scared that if I try again the same thing may happen and I can't do it to him again. I mean if I was to try it, we would need a major chat, and it would be on the terms that if I was unhappy it would have to end, but I do feel there was lack of commication from both of us really, but at the same time he is trying so hard now to communicate, he takes in what I say and is trying so hard!

Its just I can't read my mind, I think I'm influenced as I'm a daddys girl and my dad has seen me hurt, he doesn't understand it was my fault and he doesn't really accept him now, I don't want to disappoint my dad.

Let the emotional dust settle, and focus on other things, and then revisit your issues with a fresh mind. There is no hurry to find a resolution. And dad may not agree with the decisions you make, but he will always be there, if you are honest, and let him know how you feel. That's what we dad's do.

I decided tonight, its not fair to this guy to keep in waiting, or mess him about while I try and make my mind up. I told him that, and he said he wouldn't leave me alone, and that it will work, just take things slow, I told him not to contact me anymore, and he refused, saying we will work at it, he will not take no for an answer. He twists it round saying do I not like him anymore and why won't I try. Its not I don't like him if I look at a picture I cry as I see beauty and talent in him, but I just don't know if I'm ready for the time and commitment of a relationship at 19, but then I feel abnormal that all my friends are with lads and its just me who wants to be alone. I just feel if I really wanted to be with him I would know about it, I can't work out as I said whether I don't or I do, and I feel if I did I should know, I should want to see him and I'm not sure I do, yet he's always on my mind. How confused am I!

Your very confused, as you think you should be doing what your friends are doing, and that is nothing but peer pressure. Be yourself, and do what YOU want to do.