The bothersome things my husband does; am I crazy?
Where to begin... I've been w/ my husband for over 3 years. Had our up's and down's, primarily over his sneaky ways, drinking, and his job. First let me say that yes, I was in a previous marriage where the ex lied, drank, cheated, abused me both physically and verbally, and so I have "issues" with trust... but I'm trying. Ok, let me start by unloading the issues I have with him/the relationship. His job has him traveling 5 days out of the week. My first issues with this is, of course, he's never home. Secondly, I'll say he was making good money as a general manager here locally. It was then decided he would travel to many different states to start up new stores; same pay. This went on for about 6 months. His company assured him after the first of the year he'd be happy w/ his raise. OK... so now, he's gone Mon-Fri and I have a tired, worn out weekend husband and all for an extra $5000 a year. In my opinion, this piddly raise is a slap in the face. He's getting a salary based on 40hrs a week, puts in 12-14 hour days at the shops alone and this doesn't include any travel time (flying). Obviously they want his brains and expertise but the time away from his family means nothing. I feel he's being taken advantage of, and I understand he doesn't want to jeopardize his job, but it's taking it's toll. NEXT, along w/ traveling comes the late nights out-in the bars, restaurant, lounges, etc. whatever. He's a drinker. It's nothing for him to slam back 12 a night. So this poses a problem too. He calls me and all I can hear is the loud noise in the back, sometimes the speech is "not sober" and so I get upset. There are times when he doesn't call until late at night, (after 11:00) and he wonders why I'm upset or not in a talkative mood... hello, I'm in bed and yes, ticked off that he couldn't have taken 5 or 10 minutes at a decent time to call me. He recently let it slip that he had went out with "the guys" (co-workers) and did shots, which he never does. He also hangs with "one of the guys" who I thought was truly a guy but ends up being a lesbian; now, to each there own however, I have a problem with a man or woman who encouraging my husband to look at the "hooters on that babe" or "wouldn't you like to hook up with that"... disrespectful, and wrong in my opinon. My husband is a married man, and it's bad enough I feel he could be putting himself in compromising situations as it is, let alone having someone encourage the behavior. Additionally, the lesbian co-worker is constantly texting and emailing my husband... and it's inappropriate stuff; jokes, porn pics, etc. I'm sorry, on a Saturday night when I'm w/ my hubby and she's texting him on "my time" I have a problem with that. I also have a problem with a co-worker, male or female sending inappropriate subject matter, stuff that my husband could be fired for if it was uncovered by corporate. To make matters worse my husband tries to hide these things by deleting them before he arrives home... and YES he has given me his email password, and YES, I "snoop" so to say. One of the reasons I feel compelled to do so is because he had some female friends who I had never met who would call him, or email him about there marital problems and would want my husband to "meet them at the bar"... little did I know, he was leaving work a bit early back when he was closer to home, or he'd say he was working late all the while he's at the bar listening to the problems of others. I busted him one night and told him he wasn't quick enough to delete the email and that I knew where he was and who he was with and that he had best grab his stuff and head on home... not a pretty picture. During the following week I had read the emails he and this woman/girl whatever were sending back and forth and it was all "yeah, my wife is so insecure" and she would say "you need to leave her, we should hook up, we're perfect for eachother bla bla bla"... so again, I have some TRUST issues because of the little white lies and the sneaking around to "avoid" upsetting me. If they were just friends so be it... he's had ample opportunity to introduce us... and I know this person and by no means is this a jealousy situation, it's the principle behind all of it. He's also had female co-workers try to dump there personal relationship issues on him and the next thing you know, they're on the phone for hours and so on and so forth... it pisses me off. So anyway, especially now that he's never home, I have this God awful feeling of being betrayed, lied to, deceived what not. I catch him "tiny" lies almost on a daily basis... he doesn't realize how often I read his emails... so my philosophy is if you can lie about stupid little meaningless things, you could certainly lie about the big things! So, am I crazy for being in his email non-stop waiting to catch him? Should I call out every little lie I catch him in? Am I sick? Am I paranoid, or do I have just cause for feeling the way I do? I just don't want to deal w/ another husband who thinks they have the wool pulled over my eyes and can get away with anything... I don't know what to do. I want to trust him, but I've seen and heard too much and my mind perhaps gets the best of me. He's a charmer, a ladies man... hes' sweet, funny, and quite the talker... I'm always afraid he'll be in a situation and one thing will lead to another... help?
