Ask Me Help Desk - Unexpected feelings

Hmmmm. Seems like my last question didn't take. Anyway, I'm so glad I found this forum! Little background - Years ago, I worked at a restaurant with a man I went to High School with. We always got along very well. It was at the point that everybody always thought we were flirting with each other. Yet, I really always thought of him as more of a brother. We worked together for maybe 4-5 years. One day he quit, and I never really saw him again. Just from time to time as a customer, and I think he dropped by my house once, just to chit chat for a few minutes. Maybe a few years later, I was fired. He dropped by my house not long after just to hang around, I guess. We sat and chatted for a bit, and he got up to leave after a while. As we hadn't seen each other in a while, we hugged. And then out of nowhere, he kissed me. Very out of the blue. After a while of fooling around, he had to leave. I saw him a few days later at the store, and I was still feeling a bit awkward. So I just kind of slinked away from him. I really did never see him around town after that. Fast forward to now, a few years later. I find myself thinking about him all of the time! And not in just a "Wonder what he's up to now" kind of way. I saw him at the store again the other day, but we really just said hello to each other. Is it normal to just realize you have feelings for somebody, even after not seeing them for a while?

I have been pretty cranky around my family lately, as I have just been frustrated about this. I really don't have many people to talk to. One of my girlfriends used to date him, so I don't think I would feel very comfortable talking to her about it. And my mom is well you know, my mom! She advises to just talk to him, but therein lies the problem. I have never been one to confront somebody about my feelings and just lay it all out there. I'm a bit afraid of rejection, especially when it's somebody I've known for so long! Anyway, anybody have any suggestions? Should I do something about it, hope he pops over my house again, or just somehow get over it?

Quote:

Originally Posted by AngelStar

Is it normal to just realize you have feelings for somebody, even after not seeing them for a while?

I'm a bit afraid of rejection, especially when it's somebody I've known for so long! Anyways, anybody have any suggestions? Should I do something about it, hope he pops over my house again, or just somehow get over it?

To the first question... id say yes its normal.

Everyone is afraid of rejection... but what's worse honestly? Being rejected because you opened up and tried... or holding back and missing what could have been an opportunity that obviously is eating at you?

Next time you see him at work or what not, be like "hey hows it been? me and a friend are going <insert a place you like> here, you wanna come along this weekend?" Something light to start or something... so even if he says no, you at least broke whatever ice might have built up in the years. And you can start talking more about just random stuff.

I am not the best with how to pick up people lol, but best thing is to keep it light... not to try to hard or to fast esp since its been awhile between you two.

And don't let it get you down... :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Delow84

To the first question... id say yes its normal.

Everyone is afraid of rejection... but what's worse honestly? Being rejected because you opened up and tried..... or holding back and missing what could have been an opportunity that obviously is eating at ya?

Next time you see him at work or what not, be like "hey hows it been? me and a friend are going <insert a place you like> here, you wanna come along this weekend?" Something light to start off or something.... so even if he says no, you at least broke whatever ice might have built up in the years. And you can start talkin more about just random stuff.

I am not the best with how to pick up people lol, but best thing is to keep it light... not to try to hard or to fast esp since its been awhile between you two.

And don't let it get you down... :)

Thank you. I'm actually better now. Now that I finally get it off my chest. :p There's my dilemma - I'm very afraid of rejection. Especially from somebody I've know for 11 or 12 years. But I'd prefer to take a chance and regret it, rather than regret not doing anything about it. It's just getting up the nerve to do something about it that's the problem. :p

Not to throw water on your parade, but the fact he isn't calling you has me wondering. But you will never know anything, unless you ask.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

Not to throw water on your parade, but the fact he isn't calling you has me wondering. But you will never know anything, unless you ask.

We've never called each other.

Quote:

Originally Posted by AngelStar

Hmmmm. Seems like my last question didn't take. Anyways, I'm so glad I found this forum! Little background - Years ago, I worked at a restaurant with a man I went to High School with. We always got along very well. It was at the point that everybody always thought we were flirting with each other. Yet, I really always thought of him as more of a brother. We worked together for maybe 4-5 years. One day he quit, and I never really saw him again. Just from time to time as a customer, and I think he dropped by my house once, just to chit chat for a few minutes. Maybe a few years later, I was fired. He dropped by my house not long after just to hang around, I guess. We sat and chatted for a bit, and he got up to leave after a while. As we hadn't seen each other in a while, we hugged. And then out of nowhere, he kissed me. Very out of the blue. After a while of fooling around, he had to leave. I saw him a few days later at the store, and I was still feeling a bit awkward. So I just kind of slinked away from him. I really did never see him around town after that. Fast forward to now, a few years later. I find myself thinking about him all of the time! And not in just a "Wonder what he's up to now" kind of way. I saw him at the store again the other day, but we really just said hello to each other. Is it normal to just realize you have feelings for somebody, even after not seeing them for a while?

I have been pretty cranky around my family lately, as I have just been frustrated about this. I really don't have many people to talk to. One of my girlfriends used to date him, so I don't think I would feel very comfortable talking to her about it. And my mom is well ya know, my mom! She advises to just talk to him, but therein lies the problem. I have never been one to confront somebody about my feelings and just lay it all out there. I'm a bit afraid of rejection, especially when it's somebody I've known for so long! Anyways, anybody have any suggestions? Should I do something about it, hope he pops over my house again, or just somehow get over it?

Interesting, you never exchanged numbers, he didn't even ask... Wow, anyway I would say go for it all great innovations are built on rejection... what if he says no, NO?? Its just a no, its not the end of the world... get it out of your system otherwise you will never know, I rather take a solid NO for sure than a what if... Many people survive rejection in turn it actually makes you stronger...

Thank you for your replies. :) Nope, we've never spoken on the phone. Just chat when we run into each other and what not. I never even expected him too.

Quote:

Originally Posted by AngelStar

Thank you for your replies. :) Nope, we've never spoken on the phone. Just chat when we run into each other and what not. I never even expected him too.

Well good luck, you just keep running into each other its about time you speak up act now or never... Even if you maintain just friendship... go for it while the oppurtunity awaits.

Next time you see him, invite him for coffee, and get his number.

Again, thank you all for your replies! :) I go back and forth. On one hand, I think it would feel kind of weird, because I've known him for so long. But on the other hand, I think it'd be kind of nice to get together with somebody you're already comfortable with. So, I guess we'll see. I guess sometimes you just got to take a chance, and see where the road leads. :)

Contrary to popular belief, a coffee is not a marriage proposal. Its two people getting together, and just kicking it, and sharing time. Hey, do you know how much fun you can have getting to know each other, better? Does that mean a commitment? Of course not, but you can be friends, and that's where it starts, and did I mention fun? Don't build unreasonable expectations, but do be open to the fun of it.

Oh trust me - I don't have any expectations at this point. :)