Its complicated in a lot of ways, We have been working with each other now for about 9 months and taking our breaks together and visiting each other in work flirting and so on. Recently I told her how I felt and she revealed she felt the same way, and it seems like the more time we spend together the more we get attached and we don't even spend money when we are together so I know money isn't a cause for anything, and now her friends are even saying why are you still with your current boyfriend because they see us together so much. She doesn't use me for money, she doesn't dump her emmotional problems with her boyfriend on me and doesn't well at least tries her hardest not to mention him around me. Recently she started telling her friends who tell me that she says she is getting bored of her boyfriend and she constantly tells her friends she is confused. I've told her before that I am not forcing her to break up with him and we do not cheat. I've told her as long as she is with him we will just remain best friends which is kind of hard to do when you have feelings for them lol. What should I do? Be patient and stick it out and wait for the boyfriend to mess up or something?

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Originally Posted by bobit

this has happend to me and all i can say is w8 it out and keep talking to her and if her boyfriend is treating her like she is nothing tell her and say ur just trying to help her out and that u dont like it when she is sad... well in time u might have her as a gf if what i said was true about the boyfriend

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Well back when we were just friends she use to tell me he used drugs occasionally like weed, she says he has no ambitions, no motives, when I was just a friend it sounded to me like he was mooching off her. I'm just slightly confused as to if she is worth waiting on, I think she is but I can't just wait and wait forever, what am I to do? I guess I am going to wait but in the mean time live a single life.

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Originally Posted by bobit

well u can tell her how u feel about her and ask if she would ever want to date u and depending on what she asys will tell u to try and find a gf or w8 i can't really tell u what to do but when it happend i waited 3 weeks befor i started to date my gf now... i think time will tell u

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Bobit thanks for the responses, she knows how I feel and its funny its been about 3 weeks since she's known, I guess time will tell. She has been going out with this guy now for a year though, and when girls have been wit sum 1 that long they tend not to always be happy just comfortable and don't want things to change, I'm tryna show her that if she made the change with me it be a better change, id be her new and improved

I think you should still be there for her but not exactly wait on her. Just because you like her doesn't mean you have too put off all other girls until she decides to leave her boyfriend. If she never does leave him you will have wasted all that time for nothing. Dating other people doesn't mean your feeling for her has to change. Continue to be her best friend for now and if her and her current boyfriend breakup an you are still single then go for it.

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Originally Posted by CSW6314

i think you should still be there for her but not exactly wait on her. just becasue you like her doesnt mean you have too put off all other girls untill she decides to leave her bf. if she never does leave him you will have wasted all that time for nothing. dating other people doesnt mean your feeling for her has to change. continue to be her bestfriend for now and if her and her current bf breakup an you are still single then go for it.

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Yea that's true, it would be time waisted if she never left him. Maybe sooner or later it will have to come down to her making a choice in my face.

Still looking for other opinions though

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Originally Posted by charles-

still looking for other opinions tho

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Been there, done that. Welcome to the nice guy friend zone. I don't recommend it. It's a misery unlike any other.

Dude, get a clue. Stop analyzing. She doesn't respect you. If she wanted YOU, she'd be with YOU. She is with HIM and has you as a backup too. You even told her the two of you would remain friends! She's got you wrapped around her little finger.

Quit kidding yourself. You aren't her platonic friend, you want to have sex with her. You want happily-ever-after. Are you strong enough to endure a decade as her "friend"? How about two decades? What will you say when she calls you up late one night while you're lying there alone thinking about her and wishing and tells you they are engaged. Are you going to the wedding?

The probability is low that she will turn to you even if she and the other guy break up. Who's going to jump in the arms of the hovering vulture that's been awaiting the breakup?

The best thing you can do for your sanity and put things into perspective for her is to start dating someone else immediately.

I have a slightly different response. If your post is TOTALLY honest, you haven't hedged any info that would make this creepy, then I don't see your situation as particularly inappropriate or problematic.

You are good friends and would also pursue her romantically if she were available. And you've told her. And you're not alllowing anything untoward to happen while she's got a BF, too.

Sounds to me like this is all normal push and pull in the dating world.

You can continue your relationship with just the way it is, be the gentleman you've been. But do NOT wrap your whole dating world around her either. Make sure you're out there meeting other girls, too. Liking her is fine, missing all the other excellent girls at the same time is not fine.

If you decide to "stick it out and wait for the boyfriend to mess up" you'll be waiting in vain. You can continue your friendship with her if you want. But don't wait around for conditions to change anytime soon. If you're wanting things to be more, well you don't have that and maybe never will.

Okay I have been there and done that... I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years. I have talked to a few guys in the past cause I would like to move on but at the same time I love the man I am with. He has even been caught with one of his co workers at her house getting her drunk while he was soposed to be with me. For one she is not ready to leave or she would have done it. I think you sound like a really nice guy find a great chick not a hoe. Cause you know what if she is doing this to him if you guys ever hook up she will be talking to so and so later on. I wouldn't risk it. Keep looking babe you got a lot going on for you and never dip your pen in company ink... this is never good.

You are attracted to someone who is unavailable, so be friends, and do not cross the lines. That doesn't mean waiting for something that may not happen, as that would be pretty dumb, but live single and be free. Even if she broke up with him, why should she rebound from him to you??

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Originally Posted by talaniman

You are attracted to someone who is unavailable, so be friends, and do not cross the lines. That doesn't mean waiting for something that may not happen, as that would be pretty dumb, but live single and be free. Even if she broke up with him, why should she rebound from him to you???

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I don't think I would be considered a rebound as though we have strong feelings for each other and I know I can make her happier and treat her how she wants to be treated.. so why wouldn't she ? And I don't commit to her she knows this because how would I look... she has a boyfriend and I'm staying faithfull when I'm not even hers? She knows but best believe if she broke things off with him tomorrow id probably end up with her in a split second

A rebound is when someone jumps from one relationship to the other, with very little, if anytime in between. As strong as you think those feelings are, you really don't know how strong the feelings are for her boyfriend and grapevine gossip is very unreliable. They may be strong enough that she needs to get over him, before jumping to you. The bottom line is she is involved, and until she isn't, she is unavailable. Is it a good idea to put your life on hold hoping they break up? No way.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

A rebound is when someone jumps from one relationship to the other, with very little, if anytime in between. As strong as you think those feelings are, you really don't know how strong the feelings are for her boyfriend and grapevine gossip is very unreliable. They may be strong enough that she needs to get over him, before jumping to you. The bottom line is she is involved, and until she isn't, she is unavailable. Is it a good idea to put your life on hold hoping they break up? No way.

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You are right, but I wouldn't exactly put my life on hold, id be there for her but she knows she can't expect me to throw everything and everyone else that comes along to the side when she isn't even mine. And by the way it is more then sex, just to be able to hold her, kiss her, and embrace her and for her to do the same, and to spend time with her and making her happy, means way more then sex to me

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Originally Posted by Scleros

Been there, done that. Welcome to the nice guy friend zone. I don't recommend it. It's a misery unlike any other.

Dude, get a clue. Stop analyzing. She doesn't respect you. If she wanted YOU, she'd be with YOU. She is with HIM and has you as a backup too. You even told her the two of you would remain friends! She's got you wrapped around her little finger.

Quit kidding yourself. You aren't her platonic friend, you want to have sex with her. You want happily-ever-after. Are you strong enough to endure a decade as her "friend"? How about two decades? What will you say when she calls you up late one night while you're lying there alone thinking about her and wishing and tells you they are engaged. Are you going to the wedding?

The probability is low that she will turn to you even if she and the other guy break up. Who's going to jump in the arms of the hovering vulture thats been awaiting the breakup?

The best thing you can do for your sanity and put things into perspective for her is to start dating someone else immediately.

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Decades? We are both very young, sex isn't what I'm looking for, if she knows and realizes I can treat her better why wouldn't she come to my arms, I don't tell her she needs to break up with him, I don't nag her about it, all she knows is that I like her a lot and when/if they break up I'm going to be there for her, ill make her see. My last girlfriend was the same situation, she had a boyfriend but she liked me and I liked her, in 8th grade, she would tell me the only reason why she was hesitant to break up with him for me was because she was in a comfort zone, not so much as happy but she didn't really want things to change and she told me she use to think "well ive been with him for a while, if i leave him for you and then things dont workout between us then all the effort of the relationship she had b4 mine was waisted". You see how a young girl thinks? I took my time with her showed her who the better guy was and time had its way and favored me, she broke up with him and then about a week later we got together. The relationship still could have been going today had her parents not moved to virginia

8th grade? Females are a lot more complex, when they hit the 20's.

Your asking a lot for someone you really don't know very well. Have you ever considered she may just want to be friends, and exactly how old are you?

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Your asking a lot for someone you really don't know very well. Have you ever considered she may just want to be friends, and exactly how old are you?

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17 lol.. sorry if it came off like I was 25 or something

!7 is much to young, to be thinking that far into the future, with someone you don't know, and is unavailable.

I'm in the same situation right now... I always make girls jealous so my approach with this one this coming Monday is to talk to other girls in the class at my college.She's already showing some jealousy when I talked about another girl and asked her If the girl was taken.Her reaction was like yeah of course.And that she didn't like the girl, which she barely knew lol.Let her know she's not the only girl in the world, she'll have to decide soon whether to keep her boyfriend or go with you because you might end up being in a relationship with someone soon. What happens is when you really feel something for a girl you forget about everything else.You have tunnel vision, don't fall for this. I've dated a lot and actiolly the more you let go of them, the prettier the girls I meet for some reason and I just laugh about before thinking that she was everything before...