I met a guy after my children's father and I split up and we dated for about 9 months before I decided to move to where he is, which is 4hrs away from where my children's dad lives. My daughter for the last 4 months has been "lashing out" I think, by peeing the bed once, twice or sometimes 3 times a night, lying to me, sneaking, and really bad back-talking... shooting dirty looks etc. The guy I am with now has 3 kids of his own but we hardly get to see them. But he doesn't get along with my daughter because of her attitude towards him she's got the whole "you're not my dad" attitude already and she's not even 4. She tells him she hates him, she doesn't like him and if he keeps giving her rules she's not going to live here anymore. She cries over EVERY little thing and I have been as patient as can be imagined but I just don't know what else to do... I don't know how to make a 3 yr old understand the situation... :confused:

This does not sound like a 3-l/2 year old child. You are describing major attitude problems which don't usually occur this young. How does she talk so well and get all this emotion verbalized as you say ? You don't have to make her understand the situation, you have to lay down boundaries and ground rules. Time out for talking back and taking away some things that she enjoys. Better now then later when she is going to school and this tiype of behavior manifests itself around teachers and playmates. Talk to a counsellor in family services and get some guidelines if you can't sort it out yourself. If she is going in daycare and away from the family dynamic for part of the day, that would be good too.

Ohhh and I forgot to say... EVERYONE in my family is trying to get me to move back home because my daughter isn't happy here, and its really putting a lot of stress on me because I am ready to give up just to make her happy, but what about my happiness?? I know that probably sounds selfish and I should put my kids happiness before mine but if I'm not happy then my kids aren't going to be happy either.

You're exactly right about her being unhappy if you're unhappy. Her being upset with the new guy isn't that absurb. At 3 years old, all she knows is that he's the reason that she had to move. Is it possible that she has a valid reason for not liking the new guy? She's old enough that you can start to explain things to her in terms that she can understand. Since EVERYONE in your family is trying to get you to move, then maybe they see something you don't. If there's nothing wrong with this guy, or your relationship with him, then you should not leave just for her.

Sometimes the already strong willed child becomes even more strong willed in life changing events. She sounds very frustrated and angry. Her family is 4 hours away, there is another man (that she thinks is taking daddy's place), new home and she isn't adjusting. Wow, that is a lot for a 3 1/2 year old to take - her whole world is upside down. Adjustment will take sometime but ensure that you and your boyfriend are responding to her compassionately and not identifying/responding negatively (raising the voice (showing emotion) or ignoring it (that is a response too)) to her bad behavior directly (verbally) or indirectly (body language) to her... when she is being good then applaud her (you know your relationship with her and what works). Stay calm and positive (though I can't imagine how you must feel in dealing with the ordeal - children do take up so much energy and if they are always in a bad mood then so are you). Try to communicate with her, discuss her feelings, putting up family pictures in her room, ensuring her that your boyfriend is not her daddy and he does not want to be taking the place of your daddy... he wants to be your friend). Unfortunately, there looks like trust building is needed and communication restored... she is lashing out and testing boundaries. You need to set the ground rules and enforce them by redirection and continue to be consistent in all your efforts.

It could take her 6 months to a year (if not longer) to adjust but she will adjust eventually. As long as she still sees her family 4 hours away on a regular basis and you have set regular schedules and spend time with her she should come around. Once she starts making friends it will get easier too. I suggest some sort of counseling or reading up books on the strong willed child or related material. You can identify, relate and find some more options to help you. You do deserve to be happy and so does your daughter.