My husband and I only dated a short time before we got married so the sex in the beginning was good because it was passionate but it never lasted long. I just figured he would last longer the more we were together. Well, I was wrong. My husband on a good day lasts 5 minutes. Sometimes it can be as little as 30 seconds SERIOUSLY!! SOmetimes it is so fast I don't even remember starting. I have tried to talk to him about this in a loving way but he gets uncomfortable and doesn't want to talk about it. I have not been able to orgasim(unless it is self induced) in about 3years. IT IS HORRIBLE it has almost driven me to divorce it is sooo bad. What do I Do. I have tried to ask him to go to couples sex counselling or go to the doctor and he just gets upset and just doesn't even want to try anything new or fun or adventurous. AHHHHH

He's probably uneasy about his sexual encounters. I mean, if you didn't last very long, wouldn't you be upset? I would just keep trying to talk to him. And, it's not the length of the sex, it's the love and emotion involved. I have always said that the sex is not about the Orgasm, but about the moment.

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Originally Posted by rgd

IT IS HORRIBLE it has almost driven me to divorce it is sooo bad. What do i Do. I have tried to ask him to go to couples sex counselling or go to the doctor and he just gets upset and just doesnt even want to try anything new or fun or adventurous. AHHHHH

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Hello rgd:

I understand your waiting and hoping... But, that didn't work.

It's time for you to actually talk with your man. I know he gets upset. So? Aren't you upset? Frank talk is the ONLY way out of your dilemma.

Sit him down and tell him in no uncertain terms, he either needs to get with the program, or you're out of there. Really. You don't have to hurt his feelings, but he has to know that you're unsatisfied, and he has to get that you mean it.

excon

Premature ejaculation is really something that causes a man a lot of shame... culture says that "real men" can last and last.

There are treatments for this condition from professionals. Why don't you consult your physician about your husband and ask for referrals to get help for him. Then, talk to your husband about how he can take steps to solve his problem.

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Originally Posted by rgd

My husband and I only dated a short time before we got married so the sex in the beggining was good because it was passionate but it never lasted long. I just figured he would last longer the more we were together. Well, I was wrong. My husband on a good day lasts 5 minutes. sometimes it can be as little as 30 seconds SERIOUSLY!!! SOmetimes it is so fast I dont even remeber starting. I have tried to talk to him about this in a loving way but he gets uncomfortable and doesnt want to talk about it. I have not been able to orgasim(unless it is self induced) in about 3years. IT IS HORRIBLE it has almost driven me to divorce it is sooo bad. What do i Do. I have tried to ask him to go to couples sex counselling or go to the doctor and he just gets upset and just doesnt even want to try anything new or fun or adventurous. AHHHHH

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I see a man that's really caught up in pleasing himself...

Clue #1

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Originally Posted by rgd

I have tried to ask him to go to couples sex counselling or go to the doctor and he just gets upset and just doesnt even want to try anything new or fun or adventurous. AHHHHH

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Clue #2

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Originally Posted by rgd

My husband on a good day lasts 5 minutes. sometimes it can be as little as 30 seconds

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If I treated sex like a sprint to the finish line I could finish in 5 minutes if I focused on myself. Lasting is all about focusing on your wife. The difference can be a matter of hours.


But he has to give a damn, and be willing to get help.

What about foreplay, it is not uncommom for couples to the lady to reach orgasism once or a few times before the guy really gets up and going.

Also there can be medical reasons for not lasting long and some creams and rings that do help some. And there is various medications, ( love that little blue pill) that can really change men if that medication is called for.

Well, it's always something :-)

Never fear... if he couldn't orgasm that would be worse for him.

So, since you are both orgasmic, you need to teach him that time makes things better.

Let him please you first - and learn to ENJOY it. Getting a woman "off" is a big turn on to many men... your husband does not seem to get that yet...

Look over the tips on these posts... and most importantly: TALK.

Talking takes away the apprehension and the stress. Get your needs on the table,
But have fun with it... tell him you would like to have fun and it would turn you on
To slow thiings down a bit...

Note: talking in bed is also HOT if you voice your fantasies...

You should look into companies like Pure Romance. They specialize in all kinds of creams, lotions, etc. I was at a Pure romance party last week and they have several numbing creams for guys - intended to make it last longer.

So, look for new products, etc. that can increase his stamina. Has he ever tried a cock ring? That can do it. Try going to a sex shop. If he isn't interested - wander in alone. Talk to the clerk... he can point you in the right direction.

Sex is a big part of a relationship. It is a physical expression of your emotional self. I understand your frustration... which is why I am a big believer in checking out the merchandise before you make the purchase. Never think "oh it has to get better" A penis doesn't get longer once you commit nor does poor technique improve unless you are willing to work on it.

Also - if you haven't had an orgasm in 3 years... you have to open the lines of communication. Maybe his penis is out of commission (oh u poor soul) - but there are other ways that he can help relieve your sexual frustration. If he isn't willing to say.. pack of box lunch - then I would recommend counseling again. Not because of the bad sex - but because of his selfishness and unwillingness to communicate.

Good luck.

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Originally Posted by rgd

My husband and I only dated a short time before we got married so the sex in the beggining was good because it was passionate but it never lasted long. I just figured he would last longer the more we were together. Well, I was wrong. My husband on a good day lasts 5 minutes. sometimes it can be as little as 30 seconds SERIOUSLY!!! SOmetimes it is so fast I dont even remeber starting. I have tried to talk to him about this in a loving way but he gets uncomfortable and doesnt want to talk about it. I have not been able to orgasim(unless it is self induced) in about 3years. IT IS HORRIBLE it has almost driven me to divorce it is sooo bad. What do i Do. I have tried to ask him to go to couples sex counselling or go to the doctor and he just gets upset and just doesnt even want to try anything new or fun or adventurous. AHHHHH

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When you get the answer, please let me know! At first it was awesome. Now, if it happens, it doesn't last long. However, he does try to please me with his hand, and that's nice, but it's still not the same. I so feel your pain

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Originally Posted by l12

when you get the answer, please let me know! At first it was awesome. Now, if it happens, it doesn't last long. However, he does try to please me with his hand, and that's nice, but it's still not the same. I so feel your pain

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If you do it once ever few weeks then lasting is going to be rough... with a guy the longer you go without the less time it take to pop.

You want longer duration... have sex every day. You just can't save it up all week, then expect to last all day on the weekend.