My new boyfriend and I have been together for just over two months. We started sleeping together right away and for the first two weeks it was everyday whenever we could get a hold of each other. Now, it's "i don't feel good" or "i'm tired" or he just doesn't respond to me trying to get it started. He had actually told me that first week that there was never any reason for us to not have sex every day, even after several years because that's how he was with his ex. Now he tells me he was younger then blah blah blah.

He's more than happy to get a b.j. from me when I offer it. But he hasn't gone down on me in weeks. I have a high sex drive, I know. But is his just ridiculously low? Am I bad in bed? For valentine's day I took some boudoir photos and made an album for him. Trust me, it ain't that I'm afraid to be kinky or adventurous etc. but when I try to talk to him, he gets defensive. I've even told him I feel like he's lied to me about the "every day" part. I don't need it every day, just a couple of times a week. He gets so angry.

I've been in a relationship like this before. I will not settle again. But I love him so much and I want to marry him. Do I put up an ultimatum? Do we set a schedule? Everything else is perfect, but he just doesn't want me. He says he does but I don't buy it. Is his sex drive officially gone? Do I play hard to get?

I'm afraid of losing the best man in the world, but I refuse to masturbate for the rest of my life.:(

Masturbate and enjoy for a while...

He will want you when the pressure to satisfy you is not CONTINUOUSLY there.

Guaranted that is what is irking him-perhaps sometimes playing a little hard to get may help-but id wait for the "feeling" in him to emerge for a week (s) or so.

Good evening chelseata...
As another woman I can understand your desire to have sex on a daily basis. If I were in relationship I would hope that would be the case. However, you bounce around a bit in your question and I think it's important to point out a couple of things.

First, if he enjoys receiving oral sex, and does not try to stop you when you offer it up, or does anything for you in return, than he leans towards selfish in the bedroom. It's okay chelseata to want things in return, while you are in a relationship. It cannot lean more towards giving than it does taking, or visa-versa.

Second, you mention this might be 'the one' as you want to marry him. Well, slow those horses down a bit, as it's a little soon. However, to the point. If you really want to marry him then you must learn how important it is to communicate and be a lot more open with one another. If you don't, sex will be the least of the issues your marriage will have. I hope you heard what I just typed, as it's crucial.

Third, when it comes to 'new adventures' that you stated above that you are not afraid to get kinky or try new things etc. But what I have seen in my girlfriends is that sometimes they do that because they think their boyfriends, or husbands are bored. When in fact, it's something totally different. Think about that being a possible option since you have only been together for 2 months.

My advice; just ask him. If something is bothering you about anything, just ask him. Don't let it sit inside and build up. That is a nightmare waiting to explode. Men cannot read our minds. Don't expect him to know what you want, need or feel. If you don't dumb-it-down for them, or try sharing it with him, you in turn cannot get angry that he doesn't change or plays his part to fix it.

I was with one man for a long time and in all those years we never once needed to get kinky or buy anything that needs batteries. Every time we were together I felt like Fourth of July fireworks were going off, right outside my window.

That's not to say it's not right for others. I am not against that type of thing if it's good for you and your partner. Just pay close attention that you are not doing it because you (think) it's what he wants or will help spice up the sex life, instead of fixing it.

One last thing, I don't think you should take it personal if he loves receiving oral sex. I do think, based upon the little bit of information you gave us about him, he seems selfish. However, I've know men who love that, and they are not selfish. Blow _ _ _ _ are a great thing both men and woman can find exhilarating in a relationship. I know I did and will again.;)

I've often noticed if they are selfish in the bedroom after this short period, it does say a lot about their personality and your future with them. If you love him, as you state you do, start working on this one as quickly as possible.

Communicate.....Communicate.....Communicate!!

Good luck to you chelseata!

I could be TOTALLY wrong and I hope I am BUT this same thing happened to me. The man of my DREAMS, perfect in every way, I would have and sadly did do anything to keep him but looking back after days and days of crying it is better. My boyfriend would NOT have sex with me or even make out, etc. We slept together about 2 times a month and it was awful. I thought I had to lose weight, I wasn't smart enough, sexy enough, etc. it just got to the point where I thought it was all about me. I found out that he in fact DID have a healthy sex drive--with someone else. It was horrid and ugly but it is finally over. If your man is cheating or not isn't the point, making you feel this inferior and being yelled at when you want to talk is NOT okay. I suggest as one last attempt to kindly ask him what's going on but if you get defensive answers take the first exit you see.

Sexual compatibility is not to be ignored.

You need:

1. mental compatibility
2. physical compatibility
3. social compatibility

Just because he is "great" doesn't mean he's right...

That said, if you want sex more times than he can handle... perhaps pleasure yourself a bit and see if you grow together... if not... move on.

You've been together TWO MONTHS.

That is NOT long enough to determine that he is "the one'

I truly hope you haven't moved in together yet.

If you haven't... then play hard to get. Don't ask for sex, don't even CALL him.

He'll call. It may just be a booty call, though--are you good with that?

Also... don't give him head until he gives YOU something. Tease, seduce, whatever... but don't put out.

I have a feeling there's more going on with this relationship than you've told us, and I'm betting part of his issue is just how fast the whole relationship has gone.

I think he may be hiding something from you... Possibly someone? I don't know..

I get a vibe that you are too needy. That really turns off men!

Back off with your demands. Only a two month relationship, girl... I don't think you are on the same wavelength as your boyfriend... he definitely is not thinking marriage..

Best wishes in 2008,

I appreciate all your input everyone. Just to clarify:
1. we are NOT living together. We've both done that before and neither of us want to again,
2. we BOTH talk about getting married. We're on the same wavelength.
3. he's NOT cheating. Positive. We spend too much time together (I know) he has a regular work schedule and I see him as soon as he gets off work and we're together whenever we can be.

The biggest one - 4. I understand we've moved to quickly. I've decided at this point to play a little hard to get, to be a little unavailable, and not bother him about it. Masturbating will be my new best friend. If it doesn't change, we're wrong for each other.

... yea...

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by chelseata

i appreciate all your input everyone. just to clarify:
1. we are NOT living together. we've both done that before and neither of us want to again,
2. we BOTH talk about getting married. we're on the same wavelength.
3. he's NOT cheating. positive. we spend too much time together (i know) he has a regular work schedule and i see him as soon as he gets off work and we're together whenever we can be.

the biggest one - 4. i understand we've moved to quickly. i've decided at this point to play a little hard to get, to be a little unavailable, and not bother him about it. masturbating will be my new best friend. if it doesn't change, we're wrong for each other.

...yea...

---

This sure is a lot for only 8 weeks...

This is going to go great one day soon or blow up soon.
This is a fast mover. :)

(Ash123) I couldn't agree more if somebody were holding a gun to my head. I mean honestly chelseata, I know you have to be brighter than what you type here? You sound as if you are telling us what you think we need/want to hear. I also think you are in a reactive mode and justifying in your head that you are at the helm.

It almost feels like this guy is older than you are, which in turn means wiser, at playing this game. Your post, just now, almost sends me back to high school.

You have to give yourself more credit then what you are doing here. I always tell myself when I feel to far off, make a change. When your gut tells you something is not right, listen. Your gut has to be screaming!

C'mon girl, shake out of it...

You have not known this guy for very long at all, how do you know you want to marry him? You don't even know him, and what you are beginning to find out is IMO not very good.
My guess is, he got in your pants right away and is now bored with you.
He wants you to put your mouth on him, but he does not want to bother to do it to you, this shows he is a selfish lover out for his gratification alone. That alone should be your first clue as to the kind of relationship you can expect from here on out.
Lose him as quickly as you hopped in bed with him.