MY BF who is away from me for about 6 months, has had an awful experience this weekend. He is gone with his family for a little while, and his mother's boyfriend has passed away. He is there to take care of his mother and other reasons. But it just so happens that his "step dad" had a heart attack about a month ago, and has passed away a couple days ago. My BF called me crying like crazy and I felt so helpless. I am so far away from him, there is nothing that I can do. I told him that I understood that he needs time to heal with his family and that I will not call him until he calls me. I feel that I do not want to be a bother. BUt for some reason, him not calling me makes me kind of... I hate to say it... but mad. I feel that way because I do not feel needed. And there is nothing I can do. That's why I feel like that. I have always tried to be the back bone for everything, and this time I can't even lift a finger. What can I do or tell him and his family to help? Is there anything I can do? What would you do? I am so confused and lonely, I just don't understand why crazy things have to happen in this life. Why do bad things always happen? I don't understand! His family is beautiful. I love all of them, I hate to see something like this happen. I just feel so helpless...

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Originally Posted by Curious0-1

MY BF who is away from me for about 6 months, has had an awful experience this weekend. He is gone with his family for a little while, and his mother's boyfriend has passed away. He is there to take care of his mother and other reasons. But it just so happens that his "step dad" had a heart attack about a month ago, and has passed away a couple days ago. My BF called me crying like crazy and I felt so helpless. I am so far away from him, there is nothing that I can do. I told him that I understood that he needs time to heal with his family and that I will not call him until he calls me. I feel that I do not want to be a bother. BUt for some reason, him not calling me makes me kind of ... i hate to say it... but mad. I feel that way because i do not feel needed. And there is nothing i can do. That's why i feel like that. I have always tried to be the back bone for everything, and this time i can't even lift a finger. Whta can i do or tell him and his family to help? Is there anything i can do? What would you do? I am so confused and lonely, i just don't understand why crazy things have to happen in this life. Why do bad things always happen? I dont understand! His family is beautiful. I love all of them, i hate to see something like this happen. I just feel so helpless....

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You are not useless, you are not helpless, and you are needed. They are nowhere near healing, and what he needs to do right now, more than anything, is TALK when he's ready. One of the worst things when you love someone dear, is people's inability or unwillingness to talk about them, or death, or what's happened. There is nothing to stop you writing, sending letters to both he and his mother. Do you have any precious memories of this man? In this case, now's the time to share them, to remind them - this may sound weird, but my dad passed away while I was out of the country and I had to come back to the repercussions. The greatest comfort was the good memories, and having the freedom to talk about him, without people being uncomfortable. Sadly, death is part of life and it's something that will happen to all of us, so my dad taught us to always put the living before the obligation of the dead. All you have to say is - how are you all doing? I'm thinking of you, and love you. If you don't want to put it over the phone -just put it on paper.