My nephew is 5 months old and was prescribed breathing treatments every 4 hours as a result of having acquired RSV over one month ago. My brother and his girlfriend were smoking around the baby but claim they are no longer doing so. They admit to only giving the baby a breathing treatment once a week if that. The baby is still wheezing. The baby was prescribed medicine for oral thrush, but I found the medicine bottle broken and empty in the bottom of the baby's diaper bag. Also in there was a prescription medication for diaper rash, but the baby’s mother stated she wasn't using it because it didn't work. They dropped the baby off one day without wipes. My brother said he would run up to the store to get some, and when he came back he said he took $10 out of the baby’s piggy bank to buy them. He said it was because he had spent their last $70 on a new cat. They had 2 cats, but one died after eating the nipple off a baby bottle. The baby’s mother blames the baby for the cats death. She told my brother to go out and buy her another cat or she would leave him. My brother actually went out and bought another cat, knowing there were no baby wipes, and knowing this may affect the baby's asthma and allergies. My brother is constantly making excuses for his girlfriends behavior, however, he is aware that she is addicted to alcohol, prescription pain killers and smokes weed. Sometimes I don't think she knows that the little one is her baby. She is 19 and did not want the baby, she wanted to terminate the pregnancy as she did her last. I am 10years older than my brother and by choice I have no children of my own. My husband is a paramedic and has 2 grown children from a previous marriage. He wants me to ask my brother to give us custody. I know this is going to cause problems. If I ask my brother he will simply say no. I know if I call CPS my brother will never speak to me or let me see the baby ever again. I don't want to destroy my family, but I don't want the baby hurt either. Any advice on how I should approach the situation without causing irreparable damage to either the baby or our relationship?

This is a terrible terrible situation. Baby is not getting breathing treatments and is still wheezing... this is hypoxia and can be causing brain damage and can cause death.

I'm sorry if your brother or his lousy girlfriend will be mad at you, but it's time to call CPS. This is neglect at its finest, or worst.

Just get that child out of that house.

Maybe have a talk with him that if anything happens to the baby where it has to be taken to the hospital and CPS gets involved, she as well as him are going to be in serious trouble and the baby will end up being taken off them.
You maybe even could give him an ultimatum and tell him you are calling CPS if he doesn't let you take care of the baby because obviously she isn't.
You say she didn't even want the baby and her neglect seems to show she still doesn't.
Maybe you could even have a talk with the pediatrician.

I agree with J_9 you have to do what's best for the baby's health and well being.
Leaving it alone is like playing russian roulette with the baby's health and well being.

Ok, listen, the baby is wheezing. Do you understand what wheezing is exactly? The right amount of oxygen is not getting into baby's lungs, causing something called hypoxia, which, if the hypoxia is not treated can cause brain damage, such as cerebral palsy, or even death.

Oral thrush is yeast. Baby had a yeast infection in it's mouth... probably from unclean bottle nipples. If this is left untreated it can go deeper into baby's system. Into the larynx, pharynx, down to the lungs and even into the intestines.

This child needs to be out of their care NOW, YESTERDAY... 5 months ago!!

Can you enlist the help of your mother to talk to your brother about this? Unfortunately, CPS should be called, and should be called sooner rather than later.

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Originally Posted by J_9

Ok, listen, the baby is wheezing. Do you understand what wheezing is exactly? The right amount of oxygen is not getting into baby's lungs, causing something called hypoxia, which, if the hypoxia is not treated can cause brain damage, such as cerebral palsy, or even death.

Oral thrush is yeast. Baby had a yeast infection in it's mouth...probably from unclean bottle nipples. If this is left untreated it can go deeper into baby's system. Into the larynx, pharynx, down to the lungs and even into the intestines.

This child needs to be out of their care NOW, YESTERDAY.......5 months ago!!!

Can you enlist the help of your mother to talk to your brother about this? Unfortunately, CPS should be called, and should be called sooner rather than later.

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See, that's the problem. My mom died 10 years ago when my brother was 17. My dad died 3 months ago. I don't have anyone to turn to. I used to call them when I encountered problems such as this. Turns out this is probably happening because they are dead. No elders in the picture. You are right, it is time to do something. My brother asked me if I would babysit tonight. Do I use this as an opportunity to intercept the baby? He said him and his girlfriend wanted to go to the bar, a swinger's bar. I told him he can't pick the baby up tonight then, because of drinking, and he said OK. Do I take the baby to the hospital, do I call CPS, what do I do?

Take this as an opportunity, yes, don't let that baby go home with them tonight.

If that baby is wheezing take it to the hospital. Wheezing is respiratory distress and needs to be treated immediately.

Very good idea

Thank you all for your input, help and for listening. The baby and I appreciate it more than you know. He has no voice to speak for himself, so I will do it for him. I guess sometimes we just need a little shove to get things going in the right direction. You all have been extremely helpful and instrumental in showing me the way. Thanks.

Make sure the baby is safe, if this means destroyng any current relastionship, who cares, ( honestly) if he is dong or allowing this to happen to his chil they need to be given a wake up call.

The baby above all.

This is not about your brother at all; this is about a child needing help. Your first responsibility as an adult who is aware of the medical neglect, is to call CPS immediately. How the case is handled depends a lot on what state you reside in. In some states you are actually committing a misdemeanor crime by not reporting what you know. Most child protective agencies operate under the principles of placing children with family first and secondly in foster care... assuming the child is determined to be in imminent danger and removed from the parent(s)' custody. After reporting the neglect, you could identify yourself as a concerned family member requesting placement consideration of the baby. The agency will then evaluate your current situation, life, environment, etc. and perform a "home study" to see if your home/family will be an appropriate placement... either temporary or permanent for the baby.

PLEASE do something about this now... signed - previous caseworker

You have a long enough list of "abuse" that they have to take this serious. Taking the baby to the ER tonight is a good idea. You don't want it to come back on you if something would happen to the baby and possibly blamed on you as the scape goat. You will sleep a lot better knowing the baby got some medical help and has a chance at getting the attention he needs
Your brother will have to live with it.
He was to the doctor over a month ago and they are neglecting treating his respiratory problem, oral thrush and diaper rash. That is bad enough, them not being proactive treating it is even worse. Then they compound the baby's problem with cats and she is more concerned about cats than babies health? And BLAMES the baby. She is definitely an unfit mom and your brother is just letting her lead him by the leash instead of standing up to her and doing the right thing. It will only get worse and could have a bad ending left as it is.

I really respect you for stepping in and caring for your nephew. Even if your brother ends up angry with you, you're doing the right thing by speaking up. It was years before anyone in my family stepped up to help me when I was being abused but too young to get help on my own. I resent them for not helping when they knew what was happening and I'm still not speaking to them for literally standing by and doing nothing.

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Originally Posted by justcurious55

it was years before anyone in my family stepped up to help me when i was being abused but too young to get help on my own. i resent them for not helping when they knew what was happening and i'm still not speaking to them for literally standing by and doing nothing.

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So true, even at older years when the baby doesn't have to deal with diaper rash mom is STILL going to have/cause other abusive type issues he will still have to endure. Especially seeing mom already BLAMES him (a few months old) for circumstances obviously beyond his control.

Act as if the child is yours and do as a parent is supposed to do and if they call the cops, so what. They are to young, or dumb, to know what's the right thing to do, so you must do it for the sake of the child, who sounds as if she is in danger. Tell this to your brother, and kick his ever lovin' a$$, if he gives you any crap.

Thank you all so much for your encouragement and support. I confronted my brother today, and let us just say that things went as bad as I thought they would. As soon as he left I wrote a 4 page letter regarding this situation. I am sending the letter to CPS today, and hopefully the prosecutor will get a copy.

I am so ashamed of myself for ever caring what my brother would think.

I was told that it takes a really big person to admit they made a mistake... today I learned that my brother is a little person.

justcurious55, this one is for you!! :)

Good for you for standing up. Now, a call to CPS may get quicker action than a letter.

How was the baby last night? Was he wheezing? Did you have to take him to the ER? I hope it went well.

You are such a strong person to take a stand for what you believe in. The road may be rough, but it is worth it. This child's future is at stake.

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Originally Posted by J_9

Good for you for standing up. Now, a call to CPS may get quicker action than a letter.

How was the baby last night? Was he wheezing? Did you have to take him to the ER? I hope it went well.

You are such a strong person to take a stand for what you believe in. The road may be rough, but it is worth it. This child's future is at stake.

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Last night went OK. No ER visit. Baby wasn't wheezing just congested. Sounds like what people would describe as the croup. Brother said baby has doctor's appointment this week. I am going to try and contact the Pediatrician. I don't know for sure if it's the RSV coming back or if it's the croup. The baby is smiling most of the time. You would never know that anything was wrong just by looking at him. However, he still has the diaper rash (if needed, I took a picture for court). I gave him a bath, suctioned his nose, cleaned out his ears, fed him, gave him his medicine, laid down with him and went to sleep. Why can't my brother or his girlfriend do that?? This is breaking my heart. How could my brother do this to him, to our family, after all that we have been through. I'm glad I did it though. Yeah, my brother hates me now, but what kind of person would do that to a baby anyhow?? I'm better off without him, but man, I will miss that baby. Thank you for your concern, support and compassion. I don't think I would have had the strength to this without you. God Bless You.

Call CPS but, be anonymous.. Then just deny it. I don't believe in lying but, in this situation it might be the best option. Maybe this will open his eyes.

Good luck,
Michelle

Michelle, thank you for your reply. I did eventually call CPS. It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. The thing I found most difficult was the fact that it was my family. I have never called CPS before, so I am not certain if it is less of an emotional burden calling on strangers. The whole situation and the fact that I had to call still makes me sick.

Since calling however, my little brother has not told any family members anything about the situation or about CPS. He has literally dropped off the face of the earth. I have been trying to see if anyone had information on the baby, but no one seems to know anything. My sister went by his house on Easter, but she said some half naked man answered the door and said my little brother wasn't home. My sister asked the man if she had the right apartment, and the man told her yes. He said neither my brother, his girlfriend or the baby were there however my little brother's car was outside.

So far thankfully, I have not had to do any lying. I told my family nothing about CPS, and my little brother has obviously told them nothing either. So I feel if I mention it, I would only be telling on myself, like how would I know unless I called? I don't want them to know that my brother, and the baby are not around, and that it may be MY fault. Maybe my little brother thinks it was me or someone in our family. He probably thinks we are all against him, and he is right. I am sure none of us will ever get to see the baby again.

I recontacted CPS, to see if they did in fact make a visit to his home, and the case worker said that yes they went out there, but that he could not discuss the matter any further as it was an "open" case. He did say that he looked for diaper rash, but there was none. I told him I was relieved, but that the baby definitely had the rash the last few times I saw him. He also said he asked my brother and his girlfriend to do a "couple" of things, whatever that means. But that was all he could or would tell me. So, I am relieved they are involved, and I hope and pray that my nephew is finally getting the care and attention he so deserves. I can't tell you how much I miss him though. However, my thoughts and feelings are NOTHING compared to the baby's life!! It was a choice I had to make. So be it.

Thanks again.

Know that you're doing the right thing and stand strong!!