Every year I send my teenaged nephew (my sister's son), who lives out of town, a birthday card with a cheque in it -- usually around $100. Every year I bemoan the fact that he doesn't phone to let me know that the card arrived, nor to thank me and my husband for the gift. Every year I complain to my mother that it's my sister's fault for not teaching the her kids proper manners. My mother in turn tells this to my sister... but still no phone call. And every year, I swear that I will not send another card if I don't receive some sort of acknowledgement

This year, I was all set to send the ubiquitous birthday card to my nephew for his 17th birthday... then had a change of mind. My husband said that if he can't even bother to pick-up the phone to thank us, we shouldn't bother sending the card. The fact is, part of the reason we send the card is to make an excuse for him to call so that we have an opportunity to talk to him in his otherwise busy teenage life. We love our nephew... but this is a real bone of contention. Am I a meany for not sending him a card this year? What do you guys think?

You need to send him a book on proper etiquette. That would be a nice gift. Deduct the price of the book from the 100.00. He will get the hint. Be sure to circle about thank you notes.

Next year just send him a card with a note explaining that you would have sent a check but you were afraid that he was never receiving them, and thought they must be getting lost in the mail. I bet you get a call very soon.

Call him and say did you get the check? And when he says no Say exactly and hang up!
I really have a distaste for people who cannot even call to say thank you .
I am sure he will call when he notices "No Check" You should have stopped long ago
No you are not a meany.

Send a $1.00 lottery ticket if it really bothers you Because you probably stand a one in a million chance that he will call you.

When this starts being an issue where you are calling your mother about it, it has gotten way out of hand and should have been stopped long before.

Again, one gives because they want to give, not to get a thank you, so I will say you really should not have been complaining to mom and making a big deal out of it, to others, this is an issue for you, are you doing it for your sister or for her kids, are you doing it because you love your sister and her kids or are you doing it to get official notice from your mom and your sister at how much you are giving them. If they can't afford such gifts, they may feel bad that you are giving the kids so much. ** just guessing at possible**

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Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

When this starts being an issue where you are calling your mother about it, it has gotten way out of hand and should have been stoped long before.

Again, one gives because they want to give, not to get a thank you, so I will say you really should not have been complaining to mom and making a big deal out of it, to others, this is an issue for you, are you doing it for your sister or for her kids, are you doing it because you love your sister and her kids or are you doing it to get official notice from your mom and your sister at how much you are giving them. If they can't afford such gifts, they may feel bad that you are giving the kids so much. ** just guessing at possible**

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I believe I already clarified in my original post:

The fact is, part of the reason we send the card is to make an excuse for him to call so that we have an opportunity to talk to him in his otherwise busy teenage life.

I didn't say that I was looking for accolades, or to be told how terrific I am... but treating a family member who has sent you a gift, without so much as text message to say "hey, got your card, thanks!" shows a lack of respect and complete indifference towards the giver. Kids need to learn an attitude of gratitude.

Well... I guess I just answered my own question:p

It is extremely rude to not say thank you. When I was a teenager no matter if I just got a card or an actual gift my mother put that phone in my hand. After A few times I got the hint to call the person myself. I agree Rudycat it shows a total lack of respect for you and your husband.

I agree that it is disrespectful to not receive a thank you for a gift of any kind. I have the same problem with my future daughter-in-law. I wouldn't even know if she received any of my gifts unless I call her and ask her and then she manages to get a "thank you" out. That is not the only reason why I give gifts and I will continue to send her gifts and call her to see if she got it, but it is just a matter of respect for people to say thanks or at least acknowledge a gift. What happened to a thing called "manners"?

I don't blame you for not sending something this time and if he or his family asks, just tell them that you never hear from him about it and assume he was unhappy with what you send or you aren't sending it anymore! You aren't a meanie for standing up for yourself and demanding respect. Some people, especially young people, need a little prodding.

I would quit sending him money. If he calls and questions what happened then ask why can you call when I don't send money but I don't hear from you when I DO send you money?
I thought maybe my money wasn't a good enough present that you could never acknowledge it. Do like Mesegars said and send him a book on etiquette with a book mark in the thank you's for presents page.

Every gift should be acknowledged with a written or verbal thank you. If the gift is monetary, the recipient should include what he/she plans to do with the money. If the recipient doesn't respond with a thank you, he/she is implying that they feel entitled or the gift wasn't appreciated, no matter what the value. The fact that you have sent a $100 check lends to the first implication: he feels entitled.
Next year send a card without a gift. Or better yet, if it is your intention on keeping in touch, give him a call on his birthday. You are still acknowledging his birthday. Hopefully he will grow up and start to acknowledge you. One can only hope:)