So, for those of you who follow my story. My wife surprised with the fact that she signed a lease with her sister in her hometown an hour and a half away from where we (her, the kids, and I) currently reside. She says she needs this to "find herself". I'll support her.

A few questions:

Has anyone had anything good come from a "trial seperation"? Meaning, has it saved anyone of your marriage or someone you know personally?

What arrangements during a "trial seperation" can hurt me during divorce proceedings if it comes to that?

Any suggestions for how to handle this as far as the level of financial and emotional help I offer her or don't offer her while this runs its course?

When do I stop being Mr. Niceguy and optimistic and defensive and start going on the offensive to best leverage myself in divorce proceedings and what could potentially be an ugly custody battle?


I appreciate any help you may offer.

Some quick details. My father and I own our own business (assetts are all in his name). Our kids are 5 (girl who goes to preschool) and 9 months. Both attend a local daycare. The home is mine (held in my fathers name) and I have a steady work history. She has had 6-8 different jobs in the last 2 years and is moving into a 3 bedroom home with her sister on a month to month lease. There is no worry over division of assets. More worried about alimony calculations and custody (child support).


I still love this woman to death and I still have an optimistic attitude that this will work. I do not want to cause her any harm, but I do not want to hurt myself or my kids by helping her. I hope his ends well. I don't know if I can make it through a divorce.

GET A LAWYER IMMEDIATELY. The day she leaves. She's taking the kids, right?


This isn't going to end well for you when it ends.

I feel sorry for you :( Hope it gets better. Separation is not a good thing at all.

On the other hand, reading your post, I feel that you have already made up your battle plan for the final separation! I do not read any optimism on your part to get your wife back.

I am really optimistic... I know it doesn't sound like it because I am trying to prepare for the worst, but honestly I haven't given up. I just don't want to lose my kids... I cannot handle the emotions of being a part time dad.

Right now the kids will be with me Sun through Weds so our oldest can stay in preschool. It is a pretty 50/50 custody split right now. And we are being amicabe to each other. I want this separation to work. I just don't have a lot of faith right now :-(

You know what they say, plan for the worst, and hope for the best!

I wish you the best of luck but at the same time tell you to protect yourself. I would close or remove her from any joint credit cards, and possibly put a freeze on your joint bank account(s). In doing this, you are protecting yourself and not taking chances on be cleaned out. I know it may sound a little overboard but you just never know.

As for financial help, you could be setting yourself a precedence so be careful.

I had a friend who told her husband she needed a break from their marriage because for her it was an easier way "out" to make the final break (divorce filling) easier. In the majority of cases, especially involving children, the men get put through the ringer! Alimony will depend on how long you've been married, and, in most states, child support is based off a percentage per child using both your incomes. You will not loose your kids! As times could be tough, you are entitled to have visitation with your kids, and this could even be 50/50 if ordered/agreed upon. I would suggest finding yourself a good Divorce Attorney.

As I don't know the details to your situation, marriage counseling is an option too but either way I would protect yourself and would suggest the same to her.

Best of luck!

We Wed I do not know the details of your situation. However I do know women being one myself. Did she ask for the separation? Did she offer any reason as to why? Other then she needs time. Time for what ? Has she voiced any grievances?
I told my husband after 13 years I need time away from him. If he left me alone and let me miss him I would have gone back to him. However he canceled my insurance had me followed treated me like crap and basically drove me nuts. Have you spoke about counciling with both of you. What is her issues. I felt my husband didn't see me at all anymore I was just a piece of furniture to him with a paycheck. What do you feel is going on.
Yes see an attorney but Don't freak out or you will have an end to this. Instead of a new beginning .

The courts look at who broke up the relationship and the family.
Who moved out
This things will not look good for her.
You are splitting custody that is good.
The courts formula for child support does not change depending on who is at fault.
The court will award alimony based upon the custom she has lived with you.
If you both lived well and she had no income she will be award something if she has her own income she won't get much.
You can both get lawyers and have a war of the roses or work this out yourself.
At the end of our war of the roses we spent over $100,000. And we hadn't even gone to court . My husband and I fired our lawyers and drafted our own agreement.
Big Surprise There was no alimoney and no child support. These things ultimatly have to be worked out between the two of you.
Pick your battles where you need to do not go into an advesarial role for nothing.
This is a big feeling out period. You're a good dad you want your children to be provided for don't you. Good Luck

Thanks everyone. I am going to do my best to protect myself and not alienate my wife whom I still love more than anything in the world. I made up my mind yesterday that I feel happy supporting the family I wanted and want to save... no matter what happens. Knowing that I am taking care of them even if there is a divorce is probably the only thing that will keep me happy.

Thanks everyone. I need to face this on my own now.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/search...archid=2421330, The whole story, for those that don't know.