Hi

I really need your guys advice as I am just about coming to the end of the road and I have no idea

3 months ago, yes...3 MONTHS AGO. My ex broke up with me. The longest we have gone without contact is 7 days reinforced by me. I wont go into the ins and outs as to why he broke up with me because when it comes down to it , the reasons seem to be preety typical.

However, I have been extremely depressed over this. He has seen me on 4 different occasions since the break up. He doesnt live in close proximity, so that 4 times is a LOT!. We have slept together on those 4 occasions, with him acting like he is my boyfriend. e.t.c

sunday I felt very suicidal, I really missed him and I was confused. If I say I love him, he will reply " I love you too ". I have said to him on many occasions, lets go NC, I can not take this " He is like, " I can't not talk to you" " I just get the urges to speak to you because I miss you" ARRRRRRRRRGH

]It has been like this the whole time, this constant toing and f****** froing! Its driving me insane. Last sunday, I was ready to end it all, I just didnt want to be on this planet anymore. I called him ( and no it wasnt an attention seeking thing) I was going to get my friend to speak to him because I couldnt do it ) He then tells me, when I say "you dont love me do you" that he" doesnt feel the same way, no" And I am like , what

I end the call, the next day I just decide to go straight into NC, because I felt like the man was messing me around!! He texts me on the monday ( day after ) to ask whether I was ok, he calls . I dont answer. On wednesday he texts and calls again. Again I dont answer. Calls my house phone, and leaves a very rattled voicemail on my mobile. I returned all his calls last night, it being 7 days NC. He was p***** to say the least. He was saying things like " I thought you were never going to talk to me again, are you playing f****** games" "How could you not let me know you were ok, I thought you were dead" Clearly, I now feel like s*** and feel guilty as hell. I was only thinking about myself for once!

The remainder of the conversation was good, and I asked him would he like to see me? He said he would, but then I thought to myself this is me hanging on once a f***** again. I then say to him, look NC unless you want to be with me. He starts getting upset and says "he dont want that but he will do it if thats what I want" He says " I dont see you as a friend, I never will but I have always seen you in my life. I miss you a lot, and I do love you. I dont know if we will get back together.e.tc" This is CONFUSING

I ended the call and he sends a text saying

I dont mind if you still want to talk to me, I just dont like when we say one thing and do another"

ARRRRRRRRRRRGH!

I know he wants me to be in contact with him, he doesnt like the idea of me not talking to him at all. And oh yeah, I almost forgot. I asmitted that I had been on one date since the break up and he was not pleased. His reply was " you didnt sleep with him did you"?

Please help

I just got off the phone to him again and it was DRAINING to say the least. Bottom line is he dont want me, so I just need to move on with my life. I need to stop worrying about him now. I feel physically exhausted and its doing my head in now. I feel like I want to cry but I cant, I feel like I have cried all I can cry. I am just going to think about myself now..its about time. Me time is well overdue. I just feel so tired with all of this its taken every bit of strength out of me...

I finally told him " dont call me unless you want to be with me" and here I am...I know I did the right thing but...

I feel devastated, and scared.

The only thing backfiring on you is you. You're letting this man control your thoughts and actions and that's not good. He broke up with you, so he gets to live with that decision and you move on and do what you want with your life. That's the operative phrase ; what you want with your life. Don't feel guilty for thinking about yourself ; that's what you need to be doing all the time. Keep the ball in your court and hold on to your power. Talk to him if you want ; otherwise, don't talk to him. That's your call. But I will say that I don't think he's going to give you what you're after. Keep that in mind as you make your decisions. And don't try to guilt or cajole him into doing that. If things aren't going the way you want then you pick up and move on. If he doesn't like it, oh well, that's his problem, not yours.

Thank you s-ciani well I have told him now not to speak to me unless he wants to be with me, he didnt sound too happy about it but what else can I do? Do you think he will ever call me. I am so upset..

No contact can't ever backfire. It's not a device you use to even the odds, it's a means of keeping yourself as insulated as humanly possible from emotional damage. Granted it's pretty lousy insulation, it's still far better than the back and forth you were going through.

It will be hard to stay this course, and the barometer I use for stuff like this is that if it sucks, you're doing the right thing. It'll be hard, and you probably break nc a few times, but when you do that you will learn why it works the way it does. Best of luck, feel free to ask more questions. We're all experts in the field of getting out hearts broken and behaving like dumb asses after it happens.

Thank you for the reply ForeverZero, it made me chuckle. It sucks so I guess I am doing the right thing! Oh god...

Hah, I only lasted like a week when I first tried, and it was lousy as hell. It's been a year now, and every once in a while I feel like checking in on her, but I still don't do it. Never thought I'd be one the ignoring her when I first got dumped. Trust me, the tables will turn.

Has she tried to make contact with you then forever zero?

I never thought I would be the one to tell me to to leave the hell alone unless he wants to be with me either and I havent even started this yet..

Yea, she's tried several times. We still don't see eye to eye. Sometimes I think I'm just not saying the right words to communicate how I feel, but then reality hits and we just don't get each other and that's the way it's meant to be. I won't lie and say I'm happy with that outcome, but there's plenty of girls that want to date me, it's just a matter of finding another right one.

Yeah I understand what you mean. I have most definately put the ball in his court now. I feel that by doing this I am getting my self respect back. He hated the thought of not being able to talk to me but I think he just wanted me " there " and now I have taken the carpet right out from under his feet. I felt physically exhausted and now I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I just want to move on now! 3 months is too freaking long to be pining over someone who doesnt want you!

I wouldn't be so sure about that, depending on how long you've been together. There's no predicting how long it will take, best of luck.

The ball is in your court, not his, so make up your mind, and just go no contact, and move forward. Can't you see, your only confused when you are in contact?? Stop the confusion.