Ask Me Help Desk - Mother-in-Law Troubles!

Hi everyone.. I have had this on-going problem with my mother-in-law for over a year now, and I am looking for some advice! When my husband and I first started dating, everything was fine until we moved in together...she would be fine sometimes and others just sort of "y" towards me. Anyway, it was nothing really serious.. I just let it all slide and put a smile on my face. It has all really started after we got married and had our daughter - she has been horrible to me! She COMPLETELY ignores me. I have no idea where it came from, everything was going great right after we got married, she would talk to me and we would all go out together. We had our daughter's Baptism and that's when it started..she said Hello to everyone and socialized (even my daughter when I was holding her) and she said absolutely nothing to me...and everytime we see her, she does it. This has gotten to the point where my husband and I get into a lot of arguments about this because he will not say anything to his mother (or father for that matter, I must mention we asked him to be the God Father and he said NO!) For us to not have conflict in our marriage, we do not talk or have anything to do with his family. We haven't seen them since Christmas. And I'm also upset that she never calls, not even to see how her granddaughter is doing or any of us! I feel horrible about it, but it has also made me feel much better about myself, I am not so stressed, and my husband and I don't argue. Am I completely dealing with this in the wrong way??

I guess you should thank your lucky stars you don't have to live with her ! You are probably spending too much time obsessing about this woman not talking to you. Just concentrate on your good marriage and daughter. If it doesn't bother your husband, I don't think you should spend any more time thinking about the situation with her.

Yes, it is better than her calling every day and telling you that the poor baby will die any day the way you are a mother, or telling you that you don't take care of her son property.

Was there a religion difference, did they not believe in baby baptism?

To me I would be happy she is not being a real pain, it could be a lot worst.

Is the problem an ethnic one. Are you english marrying into an Italian family? Or visa versa ?If that's the case I can see what the problem is. Good luck. Everything being equal, time will heal a lot here if that is the case.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ItaliaChica

Hi everyone.. I have had this on-going problem with my mother-in-law for over a year now, and I am looking for some advice! When my husband and I first started dating, everything was fine until we moved in together...she would be fine sometimes and others just sort of "y" towards me. Anyway, it was nothing really serious.. I just let it all slide and put a smile on my face. It has all really started after we got married and had our daughter - she has been horrible to me! She COMPLETELY ignores me. I have no idea where it came from, everything was going great right after we got married, she would talk to me and we would all go out together. We had our daughter's Baptism and that's when it started..she said Hello to everyone and socialized (even my daughter when I was holding her) and she said absolutely nothing to me...and everytime we see her, she does it. This has gotten to the point where my husband and I get into a lot of arguments about this because he will not say anything to his mother (or father for that matter, I must mention we asked him to be the God Father and he said NO!) For us to not have conflict in our marriage, we do not talk or have anything to do with his family. We haven't seen them since Christmas. And I'm also upset that she never calls, not even to see how her granddaughter is doing or any of us! I feel horrible about it, but it has also made me feel much better about myself, I am not so stressed, and my husband and I don't argue. Am I completely dealing with this in the wrong way??

I think it does bother my husband that we don't see them - I think he would like to see them once in awhile, but bringing up his family is always such a touchy subject... he gets very defensive. There isn't really a religion difference... my mother-in-law is not Catholic but my father-in-law is, and also she is not Italian, but his father is. And my family is Italian. And now that we don't see his family - he tries to make up things about my family, so we will stop seeing them and he has become rude around them. And that always leads to a fight!

Hmm, sounds like your mother in law is going through some sort of hell all by her self.

Have you thought of asking your husband if it would be okay with asking her down to your place for a weekend.

Grandchildren can be a very potent form of medicine for us grandparents. My granddaughter is going to be 15 and we rarely get to see her. She lives in central Kentucky and we are on the South East Virginia Coastline.

Think about it and see how your husband reacts to your suggestion. If it's a hot button for him, you will see it in his body language.

I am a hurting MIL and would like to be closer to my DIL, but her family has not really been helpful in the process. So many times I just feel hurt and slighted, as they seem to spend more time with her family. I'm just wondering if in some way your MIL has been hurt? I think the suggestion of inviting her over, and even trying to open the subject up with her and let her know you'd like to have a closer relationship? Maybe that would open the lines of communication? I do think you should try and make it work the best way you can, as someday if you have a son and he gets married, you will want his wife to encourage him to have a good relationship with you and not to exclude you from their lives.

Quote:

Originally Posted by 4othersons

I am a hurting MIL and would like to be closer to my DIL, but her family has not really been helpful in the process. So many times I just feel hurt and slighted, as they seem to spend more time with her family. I'm just wondering if in some way your MIL has been hurt? I think the suggestion of inviting her over, and even trying to open the subject up with her and let her know you'd like to have a closer relationship? Maybe that would open the lines of communication? I do think you should try and make it work the best way you can, as someday if you have a son and he gets married, you will want his wife to encourage him to have a good relationship with you and not to exclude you from their lives.

This thread is two years old. You really should ask your question as a separate topic.