We have been married for 15 years. We have been through a lot in those years. We lost our son, he was stillborn. There are so many things we have together and we always got through it. This time I am on my own with this one. My husband befriended a woman at work and they became friends. All the sudden that was all he talked about and how she wanted to help us. 6 years ago my husband had a job set up and in the end there was no job. It got to the point where we had no money or a place to live. We also have an 8 year old daughter. His parents took us in so we could get back on our feet. We were there for 6 years and it got to the point where we were paying for everything and saving no money to get out. This where his friend comes into it. Her and her husband invited us to live with them for a year to get back on out feet[I know sounds familiar] We gave them money a month for food and utilities and we were saving money. Next thing we knew she kicked her husband out[3 months we were there] and is divorcing him. I noticed a change in her right away, always wanting my husbands attention, body language etc. 2 weeks after she through her husband out she tells me she is in love with MY husband! It felt like I ran into a brick wall. She started to ask me all kinds of questions like do you love him, just weird stuff. I told her yes we are in love with each other and were fine. So she said to me OK I'll back off real angry. When my husband got home it hit the fan. He has developed feelings for her and he was confused and maybe we should separate. I just stood there not knowing what to say or do. So now I am separated and he starts an emotional & physical affair her right in fron of me and my daughters face! Needless to say my daughter is very upset and confused. He came to me one day and said he made a mistake and he wanted me back. He wasn't thinking straight and thought he was having a mid life crisis. It has been 4 months and he is in so deep he can't get out. We found out she has mental problems, we think multiple personalities or something. So it like pretending we are separated only we are not but he is in her bed. He swears they have not had intercourse and he won't let him touch him but he does things to her to make it look real until he figures out what to do. This is so messed up it doesn't even seem real. Now she wants him to start divorce proceedings so they can be free together. I'm like what the F. I told him he needs to do something asap I am not taking anymore of this. He doesn't know how to tell it's over and we are getting back together. The big problem is now that her husband is out we are giving more money and have nothing saved to get out and have no place to go. So basically we are pretending to keep a roof over our daughters head. I know this is sick and twisted and I can't believe he did this to. It's like sneaking around and trying not getting caught. He has applied for a higher paying job, I gave him until the end of Feb to end this or I will take our daughter and go, where I don't know...
I know this is long but I had to explain how messed up this is. Does anyone have any suggestions? Also to let you know I know he is not having intercourse or anything with her because he has a prostate problem. He says it's not cheating and that is BS and I made him admit is was and if he wants his family back he better get his moving.
Thatk's for listening.
Heartbroken63

OK, let me get this straight, he is sleeping with her in her bed while you are in the house? ARE YOU NUTS?? Of course he is having sex with her and it apears with your blessings.

You should ( well lucky you don't shot him) but if you want to try and stay together, move out NOW, not tomorrow, move to a shelter, it does not matter, sleep in a van, move back in with his family. But get out of her house now,

If he will not, take your child and you move out, this is not the type of "famly" any child needs to be around.

Ok, so if you and hubby want out of her house, start looking for a shelter, NOW. If necessary, have his family or a CLOSE friend babysit so that both of you can work and thereby save money up faster. Get out of this woman's house. Your husband is extremely selfish to put you and your daughter through this. If he doesn't want to leave, then take your daughter and go. Best of luck.

This is a relationship problem, not an adult sexuality problem.

Anyway, if you continue to be so negative and passive, your life will continue to get worse and worse and worse... in my opinion, you and your husband are providing such an unstable, unhappy life for your child that she should be taken away from you both.

Can you go to your relatives with your child and make a new start with some counselling? :)

These are your words:

I know this is sick and twisted and I can't believe he did this . This time I am on my own

I think you know what you need to do for your daughter and yourself.
Call a friend
Go to a shelter for abused women
Go to a church
Just Go.. Get out of this mess
You obviously have all our blessings we just can't believe you are still there now!
I know you will make the right decision. You just wanted to say it out loud
So go already Sleeping on the floor would be better then this.
Best wishes

Thank you all for answering. Everything you all have said you all are right. I know there is something wrong with me because I still love the bastard. As for my daughter, she is being very well taken care of. My friends and family try to keep her out and busy. I know it is wrong. What I forgot to tell you is that I am disabled, I have Spina Bifida but am able to walk, I am very blesed in that sense. I also am diabetic and have kidney disease. I do get Social security but it is not enough. I have tried to work but it always ends up that I have to leave. My family is willing to help me but none of them have room for both of us. Same with my friends, they want to help but have no room. I am looking for a apartment or room, my brother who lives in NY is willing to help me financially. I know you think I am crazy and I think I am, why would I put up with this? If I put this in the wrong category I am sorry. Where should I post?
Thank you all

Forgot to answer FR_Chuck. I know there is sex going on but he has a prostate problem and has ED, believe me he isn't rising to any occasion! My problem is that we have been together for a total of 20 years and this just blind sided me and I just have to get it together, I am awake now and know what I have to do.

Glad you are Finally awake, as you should have left as soon as she kicked her husband out, and went after yours. Go to social services in your town, for some help getting out, or a shelter. What ever you do, don't let him in your life again. I don't care how much you love the ba$tard! Isn't that much love in the friggin' world, lady, to put up with this nonsense. You have a daughter to worry about, and busy she might be with family, she knows a lot more than you think. Good luck, turning this ship around.

First thing Monday mornig I am making an appointment with the Welfare office to see if they can help me. You are right I don't know why I still love him, this whole things seems like a nightmare only it isn't. My daughter is a very bright girl and I know she knows things. I have talked to her guidance counslor and she will be going to see a therapist like myself. I am trying to everything in my power to get us out of here. I have had enough and it just seems to be getting deeper. He says he has a plan to get all of us out but those are just words. BTW he doe not have my blessing to have an affair in front of us. It's very hard when you just can't get up and leave... I am awake and I know what I have to do, it just kills me that after 20 years I have faithful, supportive and been for him and he for me and just like that it's all gone...

Clearly your husband is the one with multiple personalities. He has destroyed yourself esteem. Are you mad? You in turn are teaching your daughter that men are there to use and abuse women.
Leave your husband and this woman. They deserve each other. You have a child. The child's worth ten of the father

Find a place for you and your daughter and get some counseling. Leave those two losers together. This is setting a very poor example for your daughter. No woman should put up with that crap from any man.

Thank you all so much for making me feel like I am not the crazy one.
Today I called several lawyers and the Legal Aid program where I live. I have an appointment with them March 11. I know it a long wait but when you deal with Legal Aid you have to take what they give you. So far I have had no responses from the lawyers I have contacted. It can only be by e-mail because of called ID and I wan't them not to know what I am doing. BTW my idiot husband still says he loves me and when he gets this job we will leave together, I know BS This is by far not with my blessing! He knows he messed up and now is dealing with some sort of fatal attraction. My daughter is safe, I will do what ever I have to do to keep her away from crazy woman and I told my husband he will do the same, so far he is, go figure??

There is always a shelter, to get you out NOW.

Yes, everyone has a good point - children and the woman come first before the cheating father - doesn't matter what kind of cheating - I believe in second chances, however if my husband was continuing to cheat on me and I found out for certain, I'd be making plans to move out and get everything set up for the child/ren and myself. It is not like a piece of cake, it takes a lot of work to sever that connection from something that you have relied on and been with for so long time. It takes courage to finally stand up and sever the "rope" and do the right thing for the child/ren involved as well for yourself.

Good luck with everything. You'll get through it, it will be the hardest at the beginning, then it will become easier over time. Sorry though that this happened. :(

I know I am going to get a lot of bad answers but... I also do believe in second chances. There is so much more to this mess then everyone knows. But be that as it may I am making my plan to do what I have to do. I have the apt. with Legal Aid, I have called the Courthouse, called several lawyers and the closest shelter is full, they put me on the list. Yes, there are other shelters but they are far and I have school to worry about with my daughter. She doesn't need anymore upsets that will set her back. I talked to her therapist and she knows the whole story and as long as we are safe it will another traumatic change. She can't tell me anything but is best for her. I am also going into counseling. For now I am keeping my distance and watching out for my daughter. My family and friends are also helping me with rides. Everyone has their own issues at home and are unable to let us stay there for more than a few days which does me no good because when I'm out, I'm out for good. My husband has a second chance to make this right. I am being very careful. He knows he has until the end of Fib. Then I will do what I have to do. I know you all might disagree and I appreciate all your replies. He has told me he would sign what ever he needs to do for me to believe in him. I will be doing that today.

Well here I am back and more confused than ever. The last week my husband and I have been talking and not fighting. Still no action as to when this nightmare will end. Friday I almost had a major meltdown. My daughter was joking around and hit her head on the end table. She started to cry and I ran to her, I can't tell you how I felt when she rejected me and said she was fine. My husband's crazy girlfriend just glared at me. I just didn't know what to so I turned around because I was starting to cry and didn't want her seeing this. My husband saw the whole thing. I just could't wait anymore so up the stairs I went crying, shaking, and could't hardly breathe. I got in the shower I thought it would calm me down but I couldn't stop. When I got out I heard my daughter say Hi Mom [she's 8] Still crying and shaking I said hi. I went back to my room and she was there. My heart almost fell because I was so happy. We spent the evening together and she even slept with me Fri and Sat. I was so happy. This is the way it should be with out any interference from crazy woman. Sat. Night I did one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. Crazy was sick and in bed so I went down to talk to him. Basically I said that this has to end now and bared my soul. I said if it made him happy in this situation I would set him free. I asked only one thng, to let me have physical custody of our daughter. He saw what a bad way I was. He told me he didn't want that and this will be over this week and we can start over as a family of 3. The only hitch is that this great job he is trying to work is in Ohio and we would have to move. He knows how I feel about that kind of change. All of our family, friends and Dr.s are here. He said don't worry it will all be OK. I said not if crazy woman was going to be involved in his business. He said she wouldn't be moving. I would like to believe this but the both of them have been working on this business thing together. I knew all about it but when plans shifted to moving I got worried she would never be out our life. This is just so unbelievable what I am in. Here I am setting him free and he still loves me he says. Last night I was such a mess and he was very nice and caring. I want to believe everything will work out but I fear crazy woman will be there. I did tell him I didn't want her around me and he said she would not be moving, I don't get that? I am such a mess all I do is cry so I have to stay upstairs so my daughter doesn't see me this way. She just came up and said hi mom, I love you what you doing, I told her I was answering a e-mail. She wants to spend time with me so I am so happy. Does anyone have any thoughts? One minute I feel I am being played and the next I feel everything will work out. I don't think I will ever be myself again...

>Post moved to original thread<

It's going to be a cycle all over again. I recommend you to finish it off and see a lawyer to write up a custody agreement and go work on your own life. Do you really want to stay with him while he cheats on you again and again? Can you go through that each time?

Maybe they had a falling out and he did not tell you. Even if they are still working together they may have called it quits on a personal level.
I think the best thing you can do is move with him and see where it goes from there.
First sign she is still in his life in any way, shape or form then tell him leave.
Why is it you have to look for another place if you leave him?
Make him leave you and apply for child support.
He most probably would apply for joint custody but you can work that out with him.