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Me and my Ex-girlfriend have been together for 2 1/2 years now. In the beginning like so many other relationships we were really into each other. With out having sex. When I met her she had an ex-boyfriend that she frequently visited in jail. I did'nt have a problem with it in the beginning but as time went on I wanted it to stop and it did. Months went on and he finally got out and called her to see if he could see her since he was out of jail.(she met him while he was locked up so they never had a physical relationship). Of course she asked me and I said no. I never forgot that situation. Nor was I able to let it go. I treated her right and showed her I loved her (something she told me she never received from her ex's) and she still wanted to see him. S4 months into the relationship she begin to become less affectionate.We rarely had sex maybe 3 times a month. But we still loved each other very much. I constantly through the fact up that she went through hoops for the no good guys why not for me. She is a very shy person and its hard for her to express the way she feels. She was younger with those guy 21-22. And she use sex as a way to keep them. Now that she's older 27 and have someone that truly loves her she feels that she can be herself. I hated her for this. So I constantly through it in her face . Broke up with her three times to see if it would change. This last time we broke up she went to see her ex-boyfriend and she says she have feeling for him and isn't sure about us. The problems are we live together and I love her very much and I don't want to lose her What do I do?

I believe your ex is an ex for a reason. I agree with you, I don't think this girl has any business going to see her ex in jail or out of jail while she is with you. Why is she holding on to this guy, who treated her like crap?

Sometimes it's a mystery how people are and why they make the decisions they do. For her to even say that she still has feelings for this guy tell me that she really doesn't know what she wants. It seems there have been quite a few posts about these similar situations lately and what I always tell peopl is, have a serious talk with her and ask her (point blank) "What do you want?" If she says I don't know then you can make the decision and let her go. Or if she says she needs time then you could give it to her, especially if you really love her. But don't wait forever this girl has to make a decision about this and not string you along. Its not fair and no one needs that.

If she does choose this guy then it will be very unfortunate since you have said that this guy wasn't really that great of a guy. But that is her decision, the one choice you have is to hold out and give her time or move on and that depends on how you feel about her and your relationship

Me and my Ex-girlfriend have been together for 2 1/2 years now. In the beginning like so many other relationships we were really into each other. With out having sex. When I met her she had an ex-boyfriend that she frequently visited in jail. I did'nt have a problem with it in the beginning but as time went on I wanted it to stop and it did. Months went on and he finally got out and called her to see if he could see her since he was out of jail.(she met him while he was locked up so they never had a physical relationship). Of course she asked me and I said no. I never forgot that situation. Nor was I able to let it go. I treated her right and showed her I loved her (something she told me she never received from her ex's) and she still wanted to see him. S4 months into the relationship she begin to become less affectionate.We rarely had sex maybe 3 times a month. But we still loved each other very much. I constantly through the fact up that she went through hoops for the no good guys why not for me. She is a very shy person and its hard for her to express the way she feels. She was younger with those guy 21-22. And she use sex as a way to keep them. Now that she's older 27 and have someone that truly loves her she feels that she can be herself. I hated her for this. So I constantly through it in her face . Broke up with her three times to see if it would change. This last time we broke up she went to see her ex-boyfriend and she says she have feeling for him and isn't sure about us. The problems are we live together and I love her very much and I don't want to lose her What do I do?

From what you have posted she sounds like she is not the one for you been 100% honist, why does she keep all these other guys around and visit them all the time?? Come on you need to take a grip on your life.

I think you would be best to both sit down as talk everything over, where you are both going and what's in it for you both. You say she told you she has feelings for her Ex? Well if you don't take control now you are going in get played with a capital "P"

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Originally Posted by thegdhaskinscompany

Me and my Ex-girlfriend have been together for 2 1/2 years now. In the begining like so many other relationships we were really into each other. With out haveing sex. When I met her she had an ex-boyfriend that she frequently visited in jail. I did'nt have a problem with it in the begining but as time went on I wanted it to stop and it did. Months went on and he finally got out and called her to see if he could see her since he was out of jail.(she met him while he was locked up so they never had a physical relationship). Of course she asked me and I said no. I never forgot that situation. Nor was I able to let it go. I treated her right and showed her I loved her (something she told me she never received from her ex's) and she still wanted to see him. S4 months into the relationship she begin to become less affectionate.We rarely had sex maybe 3 times a month. But we still loved each other very much. I constantly through the fact up that she went through hoops for the no good guys why not for me. She is a very shy person and its hard for her to express the way she feels. She was younger with those guy 21-22. And she use sex as a way to keep them. Now that shes older 27 and have someone that truly loves her she feels that she can be herself. I hated her for this. So I constantly through it in her face . Broke up with her three times to see if it would change. This last time we broke up she went to see her ex-boyfriend and she says she have feeling for him and isnt sure about us. The problems are we live together and I love her very much and I dont want to lose her What do I do?

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First a relatonship can not ever be based on sex, not one that will last.

You both need to set down and be honest, you need to stop "thowing things in her face and breaking up" she needs to stop seeing other guys.

It is often hard to be honest with each other without getting mad or hurting feelings, I really advice a good counseler to work with you on your relatonshipo

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We rarely had sex maybe 3 times a month. But we still loved each other very much. I constantly through the fact up that she went through hoops for the no good guys why not for me. She is a very shy person and its hard for her to express the way she feels. She was younger with those guy 21-22. And she use sex as a way to keep them

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You are probably the first person who treated her respectfully, and she has not learned how to handle this. She has always been used to being used or how to use her body to get what she wants. This is a habit that is hard to break and she will need a lot of professional help to get even a glimpse of self-respect (even though she will act tough). If you can go through these upcoming changes with her, and they will be hard, then stay with her and help. But if you are not inclined to help her grow up and get rid of the losers, then drop her and tell her to grow up before contacting you again.

This may sound cold and not sound like it will help you, but it's the truth, and this is what you need. I don't know you or how you grew up, but I know girls like her all my life. They wind up always being drawn toward losers, wife-beaters, and worse, unless SHE really wants to change. She just does not know any other way of growing up right now. Wait until she's grown up and find a young lady that has her stuff together and knows what she wants. It's best for both of you.

You are still young and don't need to get extra baggage because you will go through a tough learning process yourself and don't need distractions from a confused person.

You might think you're in love, but at this point I'm sure it's just lust because she was so willing and you so new to the difference between lust and love. Give yourself a chance to find out before you commit and make a mistake you might regret.


No matter what your choice, I wish you all the best. Please keep us posted. All of us go through stages in our lives, and we'll be here to help you go through your's. Besides, you don't need to start your life with someone you can't trust or respect and that always plays games.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/11/11_13_5.gif Stop being comfortable in this role in life - it's not good for you!

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Originally Posted by thegdhaskinscompany

Me and my Ex-girlfriend have been together for 2 1/2 years now. In the begining like so many other relationships we were really into each other. With out haveing sex. When I met her she had an ex-boyfriend that she frequently visited in jail. I did'nt have a problem with it in the begining but as time went on I wanted it to stop and it did. Months went on and he finally got out and called her to see if he could see her since he was out of jail.(she met him while he was locked up so they never had a physical relationship). Of course she asked me and I said no. I never forgot that situation. Nor was I able to let it go. I treated her right and showed her I loved her (something she told me she never received from her ex's) and she still wanted to see him. S4 months into the relationship she begin to become less affectionate.We rarely had sex maybe 3 times a month. But we still loved each other very much. I constantly through the fact up that she went through hoops for the no good guys why not for me. She is a very shy person and its hard for her to express the way she feels. She was younger with those guy 21-22. And she use sex as a way to keep them. Now that shes older 27 and have someone that truly loves her she feels that she can be herself. I hated her for this. So I constantly through it in her face . Broke up with her three times to see if it would change. This last time we broke up she went to see her ex-boyfriend and she says she have feeling for him and isnt sure about us. The problems are we live together and I love her very much and I dont want to lose her What do I do?

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I already answered to your other post, so check there please. You don't need to post the same question twice, we will find you. Take care!

I must admit this is the first time I've every asked any one for advice. And you all have helped me in a BIG way. We have seen a counsler Monday. We plan on talking tonight to see what it is she wants to do. I must also say it was far from lust . I loved her for her mind first and then came the physical. I just want to be happy that's all. (Of course with her) but if it has to be with out (tears) I don't have much of a choice but to try and fight for her.

I must admit this is the first time I've every asked any one for advice. And you all have helped me in a BIG way. We have seen a counsler Monday. We plan on talking tonight to see what it is she wants to do. I must also say it was far from lust . I loved her for her mind first and then came the physical. I just want to be happy that's all. (Of course with her) but if it has to be with out (tears) I don't have much of a choice but to try and fight for her

You've been with her 2 1/2 years, you live together and yet she wants to see someone who she's only known as an incarcerated convict? Something's definitely wrong here. Stand your ground. This guy's off limits. As for that matter, so is any other guy given the seriousness of your relationship. If she can't be faithful to you and you alone after all this time then, as much as you may not want to hear it, she's not worth keeping. After all, how would she feel if the situation was reversed, if you were keeping company with a female convict? I bet she wouldn't like it very much.

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Originally Posted by thegdhaskinscompany

I must admit this is the first time I've every asked any one for advice. And you all have helped me in a BIG way. We have seen a counsler Monday. We plan on talking tonight to see what it is she wants to do. I must also say it was far from lust . I loved her for her mind first and then came the physical. I just want to be happy thats all. (Of course with her) but if it has to be with out (tears) I dont have much of a choice but to try and fight for her

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Hope you did read the other answer in the thread you posted before. Remember, she's used to being used and also used to using her body one way or the other - she needs therapy and if you are willing to stick with her and help her, then great. Be warned though, that it will take her a long time to understand that there are people out there that don't just plan to use her, and it will confuse her for a while. When in that circle - it's hard to get out of it - it's like a re-birth. I wish you a lot of luck in your goal and hope you've got the strength to handle it, dear. Please keep us posted - we'll be here for you.


http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/16/16_8_103.gifGood luck in helping her find her real self and gain confidence - not many men would stick around through this trial.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=18204

Click on here, and you will not have to answer to both posts from now on. Just stick to this one, and all will be able to read both.

Again, Good Luck dear!

My friend, she is not for you. Get away from her. She is a loser. You will find someone who will appreciate you. Get out there and find her. Now!

As everyone is being honest - I would have to agree. It's obvious she is still into her Ex and has been the whole time. Now that he's out she wants himback and has done for a while, but did not want to hurt your feelings because you are such a fab guy with a big heart and because you have never done anything wrong by her.

Just accept it and start rebuilding your life again. All things take time, but you will make it, just as I and many others on here have had to and have done.

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Originally Posted by blueiman

my friend, she is not for you. get away from her. she is a loser. you will find someone who will appreciate you. get out there and find her. now!

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For someone who does not know these people and what they've gone through in their lives, you are very quick to judge. Try putting yourself in his or even her shoes for a while and then see how it would feel to read your short and not very compassionate statement.

This is not a put-down, just a caution and advice for more insight.
By the way, welcome to the forum.
http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/4/4_9_8.gif
Nobody is 100% perfect and we all deserve a chance.

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Originally Posted by Chery

For someone who does not know these people and what they've gone through in their lives, you are very quick to judge.

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Yes I do judge quickly. I just try to get to the point and try not to BS too much. Thanks for caring.:D

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Originally Posted by blueiman

yes i do judge quickly. i just try to get to the point and try not to BS to much. thanks for caring.:D

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That's what we are here for, it's not the quickness, but the insight that counts with me, I'm just like that, from many years of experience.
I did see one post of your's that was pretty good and nice advice, so I do see you care too - sometimes it's not what we say, but how we say it. Have a good one!

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Originally Posted by Chery

sometimes it's not what we say, but how we say it. Have a good one!

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Correct! I agree. I guess I like to just jump out of the gate to fast. That's me get use to it.:)