I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for over 10 years, we're both 30. But recently I have come across some gay porn sites that he visits... about once or twice a week. I know for a fact that he masturbates to them, even found a comment saying: he looks delicious.
Normally he has always been very into girls , even cheated on me a view times... but this gay thing has gotten me all confused.
I know that if I talk to him about it, our relationship will be over for a fact, because he would never admit to it & I would never be able to trust him anymore...

So to all straigth guys out there... is this normal? Just a phase?
HELP!:(


After I found out that he cheated on mea few times, I did the same... few years later he found out about it and was very upset... we where having lots of trust issues but decided to stay together... since that period I have gained over 40 lbs since, and am not feeling sexy or in the mood, we hardly have any sex anymore...
An other thing is that he never was very much into breasts or oral sex... don't know if that is relevant now in connection to him watching gay porn... also he still goes to the regular porn sites a lot... as some of you have posted he might be addicted to porn (he logs on as soon as he has a few minutes by himself, a couple of times a day... also it is the first time that he has had excess to the laptop by himself) and just needs the little bit "extra"... I really don't know what to think...

I am very openminded, but don't think I could handle him being bi...

Sorry, I'm not a guy. If you cannot have a discussion about sexual preference between the two of you, there is a problem. Ten years? You should definitely know him well enough at this point to talk to him about it.

What is normal to one person may not be normal to another. You could get all kinds of different answers as to what is "normal".

If you two love each other, you should be able to have an adult conversation about this. Tell him you came across it while you were on the internet and you just want to know what is going on. Don't attack him because for one, that is not fair, and for another he may just shut down. Ask him what he is feeling and try to understand his point of view.

It may just be a fantasy, and even if it is, fantasies are not always played out in real life. If its something he likes to fantasize about, then let him. We are all entitled to our fantasies. The key is to be a little more open minded. Haven't you ever thought or fantasized about something that you would be embarrassed about if someone else found out? Its probably the same way for him.

You didn't mention whether he is a good lover... I would guess that he is not, and that he has become a porn addict from your description of his behavior.

I think that repeatedly watching men in porn and gradually switching to gay porn over time would make him conditioned to "enjoy" gay sex. Perhaps, it is like he has to up the ante as far as getting his orgasms.

I dated and then married a man . After two years we moved to Alabama.Where he was from originally. While alone at home I found gay porn on our computer. Then later after looking found gay porn magazines. He might be Bu he might be gay on the down low. You need to find out because you will be exposed to all sorts of things. I would have a very frank conversation with him. However you need to be ready for some serious answers.
If you want you can write down your concerns and let him read them and how you feel about it. That way he won't be caught out . My husband told me he had those feeling but that he loved me. He was Bi and did not want that lifestyle. I feel that people do not choose to be gay they just are. They cannot control it. He apparently liked to dress like a woman as well much to my surprise. Go slow think things out. I ended the relationship.
It is hard on both sides.
Good luck
The truth will set you free.

More than likely he is. I am a straight man and I have looked at a site or two just to be curious and it does nothing for me. I do not get aroused or masterbate to it because I don't feel that is sexual stimulating to me. If you say that he goes on these sites often and he masterbates to them, their must be some connection. I feel you should get out of that relationship ASAP because it is bringing you down. Your gaining weight, low self esteme, no sex drive; do you see my point? He is not worth it and it would be best if you don't waste any more time on that loser. Good luck!

The best thing you can do to put your mind at ease is to ask him. If he's not able to talk to you about something like that, it will make a future together very difficult and unhappy. If he's not sure, he's better off being left alone to figure it out on his own. In the meantime, you can mend your heart and you can find someone with whom you're comfortable to be with and with whom you can openly speak with. Thirty is still young. You could walk into the most incredible guy tomorrow in the supermarket. A lot can change fast if you keep your mind on a particular goal.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by islandgal

i have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for over 10 years, we're both 30. but recently i have come across some gay porn sites that he visits....about once or twice a week. i know for a fact that he masturbates to them, even found a comment saying: he looks delicious.
normally he has always been very into girls , even cheated on me a view times....but this gay thing has gotten me all confused.
i know that if i talk to him about it, our relationship will be over for a fact, because he would never admit to it & i would never be able to trust him anymore.....

so to all straigth guys out there.....is this normal? just a phase?
HELP!:(


after i found out that he cheated on mea few times, i did the same....few years later he found out about it and was very upset....we where having lots of trust issues but decided to stay together...since that period i have gained over 40 lbs since, and am not feeling sexy or in the mood, we hardly have any sex anymore....
an other thing is that he never was very much into breasts or oral sex....don't know if that is relevant now in connection to him watching gay porn....also he still goes to the regular porn sites a lot...as some of you have posted he might be addicted to porn (he logs on as soon as he has a few minutes by himself, a couple of times a day.....also it is the first time that he has had excess to the laptop by himself) and just needs the little bit "extra"...i realy don't know what to think...

i am very openminded, but don't think i could handle him being bi...

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GIRL: Please dump this man, ask GOD to heal your pain.

You have been with this man for 10 years and no marriage... He has cheated on you with other women ( and YES, men too because he is GAY ). Run away from this dispiscable person who has sought to use you... Please don't end up getting AIDS...

Quote:

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Originally Posted by islandgal

i have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for over 10 years, we're both 30. but recently i have come across some gay porn sites that he visits....about once or twice a week. i know for a fact that he masturbates to them, even found a comment saying: he looks delicious.
normally he has always been very into girls , even cheated on me a view times....but this gay thing has gotten me all confused.
i know that if i talk to him about it, our relationship will be over for a fact, because he would never admit to it & i would never be able to trust him anymore.....

so to all straigth guys out there.....is this normal? just a phase?
HELP!:(


after i found out that he cheated on mea few times, i did the same....few years later he found out about it and was very upset....we where having lots of trust issues but decided to stay together...since that period i have gained over 40 lbs since, and am not feeling sexy or in the mood, we hardly have any sex anymore....
an other thing is that he never was very much into breasts or oral sex....don't know if that is relevant now in connection to him watching gay porn....also he still goes to the regular porn sites a lot...as some of you have posted he might be addicted to porn (he logs on as soon as he has a few minutes by himself, a couple of times a day.....also it is the first time that he has had excess to the laptop by himself) and just needs the little bit "extra"...i realy don't know what to think...

i am very openminded, but don't think i could handle him being bi...

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Some straight women get turned on by fantasising about sex with another woman, so I don't think it necessarily means he is gay. And I don't think looking at porn is bad either. What I do think is in question is him chatting online. Is he chatting to other people and masturbating . If so he is beingb emotionally unfaithful to you.

The bigger issue here is why are you together? Is the man of your dreams?

He cheated on you.
You cheated on him.

You have trust issues.

He is likely doing ANYTHING and everything to get off... with you and without you. Does that make him gay? no.
Does it make him Bi? Only if he is attracted in public to a real man and not a video one...

Is he the one for you to marry after 10 years?
Sadly... I am guessing no.

I am sorry.

It is not the norm for men to do that, but there are men who like both men and women, and some men with all sorts of differnet than norm tastes.

But the issues, ten years and no marriage, he has been cheating on you ( and you don't seem to care? ) He is adicted to porn, and no matter what kind, that is a real issue. I would say that it appears this relastionship is going no where.

If you want to make it work, there has to be a lot more communication between the two of you.

I just read your question over again... did you add some info? :)

*Ten years* and what do you have? Nothing but problems and unhappiness.

Time to go into therapy and break off this unpleasant relationship.

If he was gay he wouldn't be with you... with that said he definitely has bisexual fantasies.

Now liking porn is one thing... but NEEDING porn is another.

I think he might be bi but does not want to tell you about it. I think that you should bring it up to him because you never know what will happen. I think it might be best for you two to separate. The whole trust thing hasn't been fixed yet and trust is VERY important in a relationship. Maybe he is addicted to porn, but that doesn't mean he looks at men on porn.. that isn't what most straight men do. I think that you need to talk to him about it.

Like you said, you don't think you could handle him being bi. Well he is probably bi. Straight men don't call other men delicious or jerk off looking at them naked. I can't believe that after 10 years, things are just now started to surface. Surely there were red flags throughout the relationship? And lots of gay guys like breasts anyway, so saying he's into that wouldn't be an indication that he was straight. I would recommend letting this one go.

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Originally Posted by mafiaangel180

Like you said, you don't think you could handle him being bi. Well he is probably bi. Straight men don't call other men delicious or jerk off looking at them naked. I can't believe that after 10 years, things are just now started to surface. Surely there were red flags throughout the relationship? And lots of gay guys like breasts anyway, so saying he's into that wouldn't be an indication that he was straight. I would recommend letting this one go.

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Exactly... I'm 46 and straight... I've never done either one. Nor have I ever wanted to.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by islandgal

i have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for over 10 years, we're both 30. but recently i have come across some gay porn sites that he visits....about once or twice a week. i know for a fact that he masturbates to them, even found a comment saying: he looks delicious.
normally he has always been very into girls , even cheated on me a view times....but this gay thing has gotten me all confused.
i know that if i talk to him about it, our relationship will be over for a fact, because he would never admit to it & i would never be able to trust him anymore.....

so to all straigth guys out there.....is this normal? just a phase?
HELP!:(


after i found out that he cheated on mea few times, i did the same....few years later he found out about it and was very upset....we where having lots of trust issues but decided to stay together...since that period i have gained over 40 lbs since, and am not feeling sexy or in the mood, we hardly have any sex anymore....
an other thing is that he never was very much into breasts or oral sex....don't know if that is relevant now in connection to him watching gay porn....also he still goes to the regular porn sites a lot...as some of you have posted he might be addicted to porn (he logs on as soon as he has a few minutes by himself, a couple of times a day.....also it is the first time that he has had excess to the laptop by himself) and just needs the little bit "extra"...i realy don't know what to think...

i am very openminded, but don't think i could handle him being bi...

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Then you have to ask him if he is or isn't. What I don't understand is most guys are okay with their girls being gay or bi and society also accepts it then tell me why it is so wrong for a guy to be bicourious did you girls ever wonder when we masturbate alone we have to look at ourselves and get turned on. I think most people have thought about having sex with the same sex partner and if you would make it easier on him you might end up with a wonderful relationship. Its okay for women but not men wright because god knows we see it on TV read it in the papers and on the radio lighten up ladies and we men can stop worring and be your best friends shopping buddies and so much more we are no different than you!!

I am gay man and I will tell you exactly!

In perspective, some men are attracted to men but they do not lable themselves as gay or perhaps bi. Their propensity to carry out that attraction can be in conflict with family values, not wanting to hurt their Mother or Father, not be embarrassed with other brothers in his family, perceptive peer pressure, cultural expectations and religious standards and job related strightness. Some men are so uptight about it, they would consider it a personal attack to be asked or accused and will be severely defensive. (People get defensive when they have a sense of loss, whether real or perceived, and this is a loss of privacy, control and outing, so be for warned)!

If you are in a relation ship for a period or feeling it may become serious but have doubts, here are some observations to watch for:

When in public, see where his eyes are looking at. If he is most always looking at women, that probably is a good test right there. If he follows men too or mostly men, then there is an issue. Do not be obvious that you are looking. Collect this information over time (lets say a month or a bit more).

If your observations are that he is watching mainly men and not that many women, it is time to sit down and say YOU have a confession, and say I respect any answer you give me, but I happen to notice you are looking at allot of men when we are out in public and I would honestly like to know before anything gets serious between us, if you are bi or gay? (This gives him an important honest out without offending you if he is gay or bi).

If he responds with something like, I am very comfortable with my sexualty and I am straight and I still look at guys competitively and how the dress and look, so be it.

If he gets upset, and says that's BS and your full of it, he could be offended that you would ask such a question as a straight man might be.

However, if he is defensive, that is a sign of loss and he just might not be comfortable talking about it.

If he turns red out of embarrassment, there is your answer.

Sex is a serious attraction. We are hard wired and anyone who believes they can marry a gay man and force him to be yours, is fooling themselves to be let down hard some day. I just do not see the attaction going away, and in fact leads to severe frustration, relationship deviation and a host of other problems I have seen plenty of.

How do your know your straight? When you are attracted to the opposite sex. How do you know your gay? When you are attracted to the same sex. The only "choice" is when a normally straight person swings the other way because they are not scared to try it. NOT because they are attracted to the same sex.

It's better to suport who you are and who others are unconditionally as a person.

A critical issue is not telling others if he is not out. If you do tell others, you will feel anger and revenge and no apologies will be good enough. So if you can not trust yourself to shut up, you might not choose to have the conversation with him about where his eyes travel and just say you are not as happy with the relationship and just move on promptly.

One thing, most gay men, straight and bi look at big or nice racks. That is NOT the straight test.

Anyone notice this thread was from Feb 2008, and the OP hasn't made another post since this one?

Anyone notice that people who post what "most" people do usually don't know what they are talking about (unless they, of course, have taken a survey).