I am with boyfriend , he wants children... I don't want any... if they would be from someone else I would but I can't imagine destroying my body and giving up my life with having his kids when I say no he feels hurt I don't care... really my body my decision... am I wrong to feel this way... I don't feel like all these other women desiring to pop out kids for the man they are with he's great overall would be a great dad just don't want kids by him... advice

Find out if he's willing for adoption rather than getting you pregnant. If not, enjoy your time together and maybe one of you will change your minds. Otherwise, if you don't find some happy ground in the middle, someone is going to be unhappy. Perhaps, those feelings can be overcome with the rest of the relationship... that all depends on the individual.

If they would be from someone else I would but I can't imagine destroying my body and giving up my life with having his kids


Hmmm why yes with someone else? You are not telling us the whole story here. If you do not feel committed to this man then No you shouldn't have kids It is a huge decision and not one to be taken lightly. It's not like adopting a dog...

If you choose to not have kids, so be it. It's much more intwined with your upbringing than you realize. But, it is important to know that it's not the pregnancy(can make large breasts sag,) childbirth or breast feeding that "destroys" your body. What is destructive is after all that. Raising a child, whether you carried it or not, is the single most exhausting and aging thing a person can do. I have given birth to two.

Granted, that is just my opinion. I wish I could have babies for money. Just please don't ask me to raise them. Buying them clothes, fixing them meals, helping with homework, making sure they are clean and on time, teaching them to clean up after themselves... oh, and validating every little idea they come up with. The job is 24/7 for the next 18 years. Cold, no you're not, smart, yeah.

I get tired just thinking about it. Now, if your man is happy staying home, or working full time and willing to take 95% responsibility for the children (what most women do) then you are being cold to say no.

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Originally Posted by EMUCKLEROY

i can't imagine destroying my body and givin up my life

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Sounds EXACTLY like my exwife... so now I know there are two of them out there...

Just curious if the OP reads Glamour Magazine, Cosmopolitan, etc... And how many people do you feel are beneath you?

I hope I'm wrong, but if the pattern continues...
Won't be long before you'll be saying that adopted children are someone else's trash...

I'd suggest you get some counseling, but that would seem unlikely since you won't be feeling that any thing is wrong with your beliefs...

This is why we date before we move in with each other or date, to find out if we have the same values and desires. Obviously he wants a family and you do want a family or even a partnership where you do things as a couple and family. This means many things to many people. At this point, you merely need to find a boyfriend that will have the same desires that you do.

I'm the one who turns glamour and celebrity magazines backwards at every checkstand. I'm still gorgeous after having two kids. Being a parent is the hardest job in the world. I do not recommend it for the faint of heart, or for those who spend hours in front of the mirror, or for those who look forward to watching the game.

Very, very,very few males really, truly, fully get it! The kids are born, your life just stops.

First life does not Stop but just begins with children.

Secondly, For the original op, if your not committed and you have this huge difference. It is best to let him go, so maybe he can find somebody that does want to start a family.

I understand why he feels hurt and it is understandable.

If you are not wanting children with this man, and it seems like you are repulsed by him why are you with him in the first place?

I had 4 babies (they are all in their 20's now)
I am 5' 2" weigh 126 lbs. I was down to size 0 --20 inch waist when I got pregnant with my
Second. Pregnancy doesn't have much of anything to do with getting out of shape if you use common sense.
Many women use I am eating for two as an excuse to become gluttonous during pregnancy
And think that also includes poor eating habits like all the fattening foods they want. Just pack on the pounds.
Most women do not want to be bothered breast feeding. Breast feeding stimulates glands that actually can help in burning off the baby fat you gained while you were pregnant.
Many women figure I have a baby now so this is the way I am suppose to look now and don't give a care about getting the figure back.
Many women allow themselves to get into some kind of thought pattern that now they are entitled to pamper themselves with comfort foods because they are now a women with a baby instead of a teen with a figure.

If you are cautious with eating healthy you should only be an extra 12 to 20 pounds after the baby is born.
So a lot of it is about being determined that you do not want to be someone that loses their shape simply because they had a baby.

# Eat healthy and give time to your body to recover.

# Exercise in moderation to help the metabolism to function optimally.

# Exclusive Breast feeding is the best way to regain the pre pregnancy weight and shape.

# Concentrate on more of protein, vitamin and mineral rich food instead of calorie dense food.

FitPregnancy

IF he really desires to have a child (of his own genes) not wanting to adopt and you are dead set against it
You do need to reevaluate your relationship with each other.

I see nothing wrong with your not wanting to give birth to kids. That is your decision. There are too many kids here already that need moms, so if you are willing to adopt, good for you.
However, if this is going to be a prblem for him, it may be best to end it.
Call me old fashioned, but he is your boyfriend I would not think about having a child with him anyway until marriage.

It doesn't sound like you want kids at all. Even if someone else has them.
I believe that when a couple are talking about what they want or don't want - the issue of kids is a deal breaker. If you aren't on the same page about your feelings on this issue - then you should really keep looking for someone with the same ideas as you.

So, you don't physically have his child, but if you were to adopt - you would be the child's mother and he would be the father - your life would still be changed regardless of biology. Pregnancy is just the first step of parenthood. It doesn't sound like you want anything to do with any of it.

I would recommend finding someone who has the same wants as you. You and your BF will be happier.