Ask Me Help Desk - I cheated on her. Does that mean I don't want her?

I was/am very much into my girlfriend... but recently broke up. She wants to get back together now after NC on my part.

Now, towards the end of it, I cheated on her. Does that mean I don't want her or I'm unhappy or unsatisified?

I don't get it because sex with her was orgasmic for both us, very intense and, for me, it was like me fulfilling my fantasies. It was great.

But recently I got a bl--j-b from two other women. I don't know what this means or how I should deal with it. I mean, if I'm with her, I don't want to cheat on her. There must be something going on subconciously but I don't know what it is...

Please help...

Wait a minute...

Is this the same girl that you're wanting to get rid of her toxic ex?

I'm really confused...

Quote:

Originally Posted by HistorianChick

Wait a minute...

Is this the same girl that you're wanting to get rid of her toxic ex??

I'm really confused....

We all have our problems! No. That is not the same situation.

My friend is here next to me and he's never seen this website before. He was just telling me his problem and I told him we can get other people's opinions. So here we are. This just happened to him and I had to ask because he thinks it's weird but I'm convincing him you can get good insight from people who can look at the situation objectively.

I hope that's okay that I did that.

OH! Ok! I was wondering there for a second!

All right... "you" cheated. And yes, it was cheating. Some may debate that technicality, but in my opinion, yes, it was cheating.

The best thing is to be honest. I know, I know... again, some may debate the necessity of being honest, since, technically you were broken up... But I think it all goes back to the trust thing.

Can you get someone back after cheating... it is possible, yes. But only if you're honest. And change your ways.

When you're in a relationship with someone, you're in a relationship with them. You should be that other person's all.. without need of anyone else. Because that's what a relationship is... being completely theirs and them being completely yours.

Its rough, this relationship stuff, but love is worth it.

So, bottom line: Be honest. Tell the girlfriend what happened, why it happened, and leave the ball in her court. She is the one that is going to have to decide if the trust is there and if she wants to give it another go.

Can? Yes. Will? That's for her to decide.

(The whole "being unfulfilled and unsatisfied, but still being completely orgasmically satisfied is hard... and I have no answers for that one... All I can tell you about is my advice about trying to put a relationship back together.)

Good luck, man.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/search...archid=2390460

Now I'm confused as yesterday, you just got your g/f back, after two days of no contact, and to add, her ex keeps calling her, and now your cheating?? Dude, who can keep up with all this drama, with no script? What's going on, and how old are you? Are you just trolling for attention?? What's the real deal here??

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/search...archid=2390460

Now I'm confused as yesterday, you just got your g/f back, after two days of no contact, and to add, her ex keeps calling her, and now your cheating???? Dude, who can keep up with all this drama, with no script? Whats going on, and how old are you?? Are you just trolling for attention??? Whats the real deal here???

Listen, look up a few posts ago. The whole thing with my girlfriend is true and all that did and is happening.
The thing about the cheating is my friend who was here with me earlier. He told me about his problem and what he had done. I told him to pose the question to this forum and get the good advice of others. He wanted no part of it but I posted his question anyway.

And, by the way, NC did work for me. She called me back and said she wants to work things out but now I hesitate to proceed for fear I will be put back in this very same situation if she decides to come back for the wrong reasons.

You should make that clear, to stop confusion, as you see happening. To your g/f coming back after NC, I don't really know if two days is a break up, or a spat. If she left she didn't go far. How old are you? Please clear up the confusion in your OP.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

You should make that clear, to stop confusion, as you see happening. To your g/f coming back after NC, I don't really know if two days is a break up, or a spat. If she left she didn't go far. How old are you?? Please clear up the confusion in your OP.

All right. This should clear up the confusion:

I, Alex, am not the person in the dillemma presented in this thread. My friend, who thinks it is uncool to be asking for advice here on this website, let alone the Internet, is the male who has cheated on his girlfriend. He now wonders if this means he should not be with her because, as logic would suggest, why would you cheat on your lady if she is THE ONE? This course of action has given momentum to his current line of questioning. He now ponders what this means.

I, on the other hand, have been broken up since the middle of January. But, really, I should have seen the signs months ago. Now, even though it's been 2 days of NC, we broke up before that. As much as I hate clichés, I did what every other guy does when he thinks he's losing his woman, you know, the whole begging for a second chance, begging for a chance to make things right. Anyway, it got to the point where I was really pushing her away. I looked for answers and came across NC. I initiated NC 3 days ago now. She approached me with a phone call and told me how she felt.

Now, I came here looking for a third or fourth person's advice/opinion on how I should proceed. I do love her but now that she has come back I am hesitating to just jump back into it without dealing with the issues that I should have seen months ago. Sex was a lost pleasure-- that should have been the first warning sign. Sex is not everything but the chemistry/energy created can talk without talking, and we were really good at that, talking without talking. There were/are other problems, too, work, family, religion, distance, but I'll spare you the details.

I do want her but I want to address all of those problems that brought her and me to the point we're at today. No matter what happens, our relationship has definitely become something different that what it once was.

I will go ahead with it but only if I can address those issues. I don't have all the answers but I think I just answered mine.

I still would like some input from others about my situation but this thread was not the forum for this discussion. That channel was created in a separate thread.

To answer your question: I am 30, I have been with her for almost 2 years and I have never cheated on my girlfriend/ex-girlfriend.

Quote:

Originally Posted by AlexPella

I was/am very much into my gf... it was like me fulfilling my fantasies. It was great.

I think that says a lot... as in the guy is looking to fulfill fantasies and will do so given any opportunity... therefore the bj's...

Seems like cheating is something he's willing to do as long as his fantasies are being fulfilled.

Seems like he should evaluate his desires. Not wanting to cheat versus the fulfillment of the other ideas... he chose for himself which one was strongest at the time.