Hello, I'm 29 and I'm married for the second time(coming up on 6 months). My husband has quite a bit of problems. He served in Iraq twice, he has PTSD pretty bad. He has 3 kids with 2 different women, and he has a bit of an anger problem. I knew all of this going into the relationship, but I feel for him hard. We've been together for 2 years now and we've had good and really bad days. Back in Sept. he accidentally shot himself in the leg, and he's been 3 hrs away in a military hospital. They are helping him rehab his leg and his drinking problem or so I thought. He was home for about a month over the holidays and for awhile everything was fine. We were getting along and laughing again. About a week before he left he startted being nasty again. (Just a side note I have been taking care of his oldest child every other week and his 2 little ones evry other weekend and on Tuesdays). This past Thursday I get a phone call from him around 6am, he was really drunk, I asked him if I could come see him over the weekend. He said "no, don't bother." The base were he is had some kind of super bowl trip for them. I said "that figures." With that he said "you're so mean, I never want to speak to you again" and hung up. I of course was crying so upset wondering why is he so mean. Later that day his mother called me and told me he wants a divorce. I freaked out and had to leave work. His whole family including him were trying to call me all day. I didn't answer, they thought I was going to kill myself. I just didn't want to be bothered. So he calls me all weekend and I never answered leaving me messages that he doesn't want me to have his daughter at all. His mother disagreed with him and told him not to mess with her head. So I have her this week. I have her call him and the first time they spoke he made her hug and kiss me saying he loves me, and that I don't love him anymore. She asked me 4 times if I wanted to speak to him and I finally gave in. Our conversation was 5 minutes long, we weren't screaming but it did end up with me hanging up on him. I haven't spoken to him since. He left me a message today stating that the "papers" are on there way. I am so devastated I can't eat, concentrate. I really want to work it out but I'm not sure what exactly I should do. PLEASE SOMEONE HELP!

Sometimes when another person wants their freedom there is nothing you can do but let them go. Don't beat yourself up over this relationship. Even though you knew about his problems from the past, I guess it never truly sunk in just how messed up he really is.

The fact he was in Iraq for 2 tours and has PTSD is quite dramatic coupled with his drinking. I married a VietNam vet who was a helicopter door gunner for 2 years (the life expectancy of the person doing the job is usually 6 months). He was in the Special Forces and saw quite a lot of truly horrible things. He rescued POW's from the Viet Cong camps. He had both legs shot and had to extract the bullets out himself. He was an alcoholic and was barely housebroken to put it mildly. His idea of fun was to incinerate steaks over a BBQ and get drunk for hours on end. (just like they did in Nam) I tried for years to help him but he did not want or need my help as he was not an alcoholic in his eyes. I was married to him for 20 years. He died in 2002.

Somehow being in a combat situation permanently changes a person. My mother told me that my father was a wonderful person before WWII and him going into the army. When he came home after the war he was a very different individual.

You can try counseling with him to see if that helps your situation. In the end though you will find that he is so mixed up and stressed out wondering why he wasn't killed over there, etc. that he cannot handle it any longer. He has many, many issues in his life to come to grips with right now. Try to understand him is all you can do right now. You may want to contact the base chaplin's office and speak to them about this as well. Just remember, it is not your fault.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by SuzieQ78

Hello, I'm 29 and I'm married for the second time(coming up on 6 months). My husband has quite a bit of problems. He served in Iraq twice, he has PTSD pretty bad. He has 3 kids with 2 different women, and he has a bit of an anger problem. I knew all of this going into the relationship, but I feel for him hard. We've been together for 2 years now and we've had good and really bad days. Back in Sept. he accidently shot himself in the leg, and he's been 3 hrs away in a military hospital. They are helping him rehab his leg and his drinking problem or so I thought. He was home for about a month over the holidays and for awhile everything was fine. We were getting along and laughing again. about a week before he left he startted being nasty again. (Just a side note I have been taking care of his oldest child every other week and his 2 little ones evry other weekend and on Tuesdays). This past Thursday I get a phone call from him around 6am, he was really drunk, I asked him if I could come see him over the weekend. He said "no, don't bother." The base were he is had some kind of super bowl trip for them. I said "that figures." With that he said "you're so mean, I never want to speak to you again" and hung up. I of course was crying so upset wondering why is he so mean. Later that day his mother called me and told me he wants a divorce. I freaked out and had to leave work. His whole family including him were trying to call me all day. I didn't answer, they thought I was going to kill myself. I just didn't want to be bothered. So he calls me all weekend and I never answered leaving me messages that he doesn't want me to have his daughter at all. His mother disagreed with him and told him not to mess with her head. So I have her this week. I have her call him and the first time they spoke he made her hug and kiss me saying he loves me, and that I don't love him anymore. She asked me 4 times if I wanted to speak to him and I finally gave in. Our conversation was 5 minutes long, we weren't screaming but it did end up with me hanging up on him. I haven't spoken to him since. He left me a message today stating that the "papers" are on there way. I am so devastated I can't eat, concentrate. I really want to work it out but I'm not sure what exactly I should do. PLEASE SOMEONE HELP!

---

If he actually has the papers on the way I would either go through with it or talk to him about SEPARATION. I got divorced this July from a man that unfortunately is severely bipolar (didn't know that until divorced) but regardless he made me emotionally & physically drained to the point that my kids were feeling sick from mommy feeling so sick all the time because daddy made me cry A LOT. It's really not the end of the world even though it may seem like it right now. You will adjust to the change & you will also most likely love it just like I have. I have lost 80 lbs since I left him last February, now take vit B12 for mental clarity & energy ETC (along with other nutritional vitamins) and I KNOW the B12 helped me through the process of all this dramatic change. My kids are now happier and they still see their dad (as long as I see that he is healthy enough). I could go on & on but I have overcome my own obstacle with that so now it is your turn to choose the freedom of being healthy mentally and physically. Worse case scenario... if you two are meant to be with one another you will but in the mean time YOU NEED TO GET HEALTHY and do what is right and then FATE will decide the rest!

He is in no position to work out anything, but his personal demons, so your focus should be on giving you, and your children a happy and healthy life. Sorry, but you cannot compromise your sanity, or health, for him at this time. Get some help for yourself, if you need guidance through these hard times.

Well my husband can't file divorce papers while he is out of state. He still wants a divorce. I've come to find out he has been cheating on me. Since this started I haven't been able to eat. I'm trying but I can't keep anything down. It's been about 2 weeks now. I have lost 15lbs already, I only weigh 120lbs which isn't bad, its just they way I'm losing. I'm having panic attacks and I am starting to get scared that I'll end up in a hospital. I really am trying to eat but I keep sinking into this depression. I'm still taking care of his kids and he won't talk to me at all. I'm not good enough for him but I'm good enough to care for his children. As crazy as it may seem I would take him back in a heartbeat. I wish I could just get better. I am going to my OBGYN to check for any diseases he may have given me. Should I tell the doctor about my depression and weight loss? Or should I go to another doctor? I'm really losing control of my life.

PLEASE tell your doctor about the depression and weight loss and tell him to find someone to take care of his kids or bring them to his mother.

Hon, you need to take care of YOU. He's off the deep end, unreachable and taking his problems out on you. You need to grab hold of what is left of your self-esteem, pick yourself up and brush yourself off and go on. He's not worth it. Really, he's not.

I've been where you are including the weight loss and kicking the loser to the curb was the best thing I ever did, though I had to be pushed to do it, kicking and screaming, by my therapist.

Please see your doctor, see a therapist, get the kids to his family and move on. You can do this.