Ask Me Help Desk - Is he cheating? Or am I perinoid?

:(

Me and my fiancé have been togetherfor a year and a half on and off... and I always get scared he's cheating on me... I know the first thing people ask is if he's constantly gone... my answer is no... im not talking about physically cheating... I think he's talking to other girls in a relationship way... heres more etail

My fiancé has a ex named britany b... when we first got back together there was rumors saying he was only with me temporarly and that he was going to go back to her in a few months... so that's constaly on my mind.

My fiancé is very private about his phone which doesn't help at all... everytime he gets a text message and I'm around he moves his phone so I can't see it... also he has a girl in his phone named britany b.

My fiancés reasonings for this is.. he says his privacy with his phone is just how he is... he don't like anyone going through his phone... and he says the britany in his phone isn't the same girl the one in his phone is his friends cousin according to him!!

Now I love my fiancé very very much we have a kid together and I never want to loose him! I really want to beileve everything he says but he has cheated before... it really scares me that he's doing this again and not only that but its scary that he's guna leave again... and what sucks is I can't talk to him about it because basically every time we have a "talk" about things that bug me or worry meit always ends up into a fight!!

SO PLEASE HELP IF anyone has advise about anything here PLEASE HELP I know its a lot to read but IM REALLY CONFUSED I NEED HELP!! Advise, your thoughts, anything really that helps ease my mind is greatly apreciated!

Don't know if I can ease your mind. When a couple has difficulty talking about what is bugging one or the other of them... every time, that's a red flag. If you are a snoop, always trying to home in on his every conversation, he may be right to say "back off." A man who loves and cares about the feelings of his significant other does what he can to fix the situation though.

The question is, what is more important, his total (continued) privacy or your relationship? It sounds to me as if he would rather continue his doings whether you like it or not. And he is unwilling to talk about it? That's not a guy I'd want to be with, kid or not, engaged or not. A therapist may be helpful in this instance. Have you two tried couple's counselling?

You want to have the talk but he doesn't... than yes I agree with the first one.. couple counselling!

Did you tell him that the phone thing is making you more curiosious??

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Originally Posted by simoneaugie

Don't know if I can ease your mind. When a couple has difficulty talking about what is bugging one or the other of them...every time, that's a red flag. If you are a snoop, always trying to hone in on his every conversation, he may be right to say "back off." A man who loves and cares about the feelings of his significant other does what he can to fix the situation though.

The question is, what is more important, his total (continued) privacy or your relationship? It sounds to me as if he would rather continue his doings whether you like it or not. And he is unwilling to talk about it? That's not a guy I'd want to be with, kid or not, engaged or not. A therapist may be helpful in this instance. Have you two tried couple's counselling?

I will admit I used to be a big snoop always in his convos but past like 3 months I hvaent really... ive tried to back off... give him space with his phone... and yes I have told him that when he acts like that sooo much with his phon it makes me wonder... but he always just says its just the way he is with his phone... is really not a matter of does he want to talk he ALWAYS asks wheat wrong and wants to talk we both want to discuss things its just hard because most f the time it turns into a fight midway throu or afterwards...

Don't get me wrong we are great together its just this small issue

If discussions tend to turn into fights, who usually wins? Counselling would help both of you learn how do discuss things without getting emotional. If my guy was this private about his phone, I'd be suspicious, very. I'd want to find out why. "Because I've always been this way" is not an answer that seeks to preserve his relationship with you. That sounds like, "get off my back, I have more important things going on than you."

But, that's just me.

I see so many red flags I don't know where to start

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Amanda16mom:(

Me and my fiancé have been togetherfor a year and a half on and off... and I always get scared he's cheating on me... I know the first thing people ask is if he's constantly gone... my answer is no... im not talking about physically cheating... I think he's talking to other girls in a relationship way... heres more etail

You are insecure, OR he makes you feel that way, with actions and words and you have a lot of conflict and unresolved issues in this up/down relationship. Very red flag

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My fiancé has a ex named britany b... when we first got back together there was rumors saying he was only with me temporarly and that he was going to go back to her in a few months... so that's constaly on my mind.

The insecurity thing fueled by rumors, but it has made you worry, true or not.

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My fiancé is very private about his phone which doesn't help at all... everytime he gets a text message and I'm around he moves his phone so I can't see it... also he has a girl in his phone named britany b.

I would be more than insecure here, I would be very suspicious. Another red flag.

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My fiancés reasonings for this is.. he says his privacy with his phone is just how he is... he don't like anyone going through his phone... and he says the britany in his phone isn't the same girl the one in his phone is his friends cousin according to him!!

That does not satisfy MY suspicion at all, I may look dumb... Really red flag a wavin'

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Now I love my fiancé very very much we have a kid together and I never want to loose him! I really want to beileve everything he says but he has cheated before... it really scares me that he's doing this again and not only that but its scary that he's guna leave again... and what sucks is I can't talk to him about it because basically every time we have a "talk" about things that bug me or worry meit always ends up into a fight!!

Believe this or not, this is the biggest red flag of all as your fear is well grounded and you haven't forgot about his past actions, nor can you work on them without HONEST communication, and without that, there is no relationship, nothing to build one on, and no trust, respect, or a willingness to work together to the benefit of you both, but there is a child who depends on you both.

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SO PLEASE HELP IF anyone has advise about anything here PLEASE HELP I know its a lot to read but IM REALLY CONFUSED I NEED HELP!! Advise, your thoughts, anything really that helps ease my mind is greatly apreciated!

No communication, no relationship, and you need time and space away from him, to gather your resources, and make plans how you will survive without him, at least until he is ready to be honest, communicate, and love you and your baby, with more than just face time. Sorry, I think you will have to ease your own mind, with positive actions on your own behalf. Oh I forgot, what did you say his good points are??

CRAP! I can't give Talaniman more repuation, so I have to write it here. TAL IS AWESOME AND HIT THE NAIL ON THE HEAD! I couldn't have said it any better myself, so I won't even try. Good stuff Tal.