When do you know you're in love? Honestly.. if you have never been in love before, how do you know when it's real? Is it when you realise that you never felt this way about anyone before? Is it when you are willing to lose your virginity to them? Or is it when you are willing to stick through everything, even that person ignoring you, just so they can be happy anf hope they will come around?And then spending hours trying to get them to stay, and days crying over them, what does it mean? Is it worth anything at alll?

I felt all those things for my ex, and I still feel some of them. I know I'm only barely 20, and that at my age who is to say what love really is? But dammit it hurts like hell when you tell them and they don't believe you, and they say your being silly, that it's impossible to love after 2 and a half months. Is it impossible to love someone.. trully love them after a short time?

Does wanting to feel your boyfriend next to you, meaning him actually seeing you there, talking to you when in a group, holding you close, make you an attention begger? Does caring for thers more than you do about yourself really such a bad thing?

Does being so scared of ruining things, so you do things a little tense, make you fake and mechanical?

Does it make you a child, and immature and silly if you want to make people smile, if you want to be silly sometimes?

When can you honestly say you are mature, and when can one start calling herself a woman and not a girl.. is it so abnormal not to get pissed off and nasty when your guy says that girl is hot or not, when in the end as an artist you can apreciate beauty? Is it normal for a guy to ask you to be more selfish? Is it normal to tell someone you just broke up with that you don't know how to atract a guy, that he wanted the hunt, that you don't make him swoon after you?

I can honestly ask myself.. if it's even worth it? Being nice, giving it all to someone and something that just isn't there.

My grandfather gave me sound advice last night after I explained the whole situation to him. He said "Never give someone your whole heart unless you are prepared to feel the pain of them breaking it"

That's how you know when you're in love, well at least I think so anyway. That even though after the other has ripped your heart out, you can still think back to the relationship and smile at the good times you had and know it was worth it.

You're story truly touched me because I can so relate to it.

I have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 yrs now and I have put more pain, more effort, more love and more of myself to him than any other person. Yes, I call it love although I am only 20, but I don't think age matters when it comes to falling in love.

PS. I lost my virginity to him too

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Originally Posted by Auraya

I can honestly ask myself..if it's even worth it? Being nice, giving it all to someone and something that just isn't there.

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Would you rather the opposite? Not being able to give anything of yourself to your partner? How would you be able to define love then? What about when the person who knows exactly how to reciprocate those feelings back to you comes along.. I'm sure you would rather be able to give equally to that person :)

For me personally I have never had an epiphany moment where I have gone, "wow, I am in love". More that when over time, I realised I cared more about the other persons happiness and well being above my own. I guess the trick is to keep perspective even with that love and remaining your own person but also having that person compliment your own feelings and needs :)

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Originally Posted by Romefalls19

My grandfather gave me sound advice last night after I explained the whole situation to him. He said "Never give someone your whole heart unless you are prepared to feel the pain of them breaking it"

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Omg, that song makes sense now.

"What is love!? Baby dont hurt me! Dont hurt me! No more!" *bobs head*

Ha ha.. ahh what movie is that song from... is it A Night At The Roxbury's?

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Originally Posted by Romefalls19

Ha ha..ahh what movie is that song from...is it A Night At The Roxbury's?

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Yes, and originally from Saturday Night Live. :P

If you want advice from someone who has been there, the story of what happened is definitely needed. We are very helpful people and give sound, unbiased and completely honest advice. It may sting at first, lord knows it did for me, but it's the best advised

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Originally Posted by Romefalls19

If you want advice from someone who has been there, the story of what happened is definately needed. We are very helpful people and give sound, unbiased and completely honest advice. It may sting at first, lord knows it did for me, but its the best advised

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The full story.

Uh boy, well, it started really nice. I liked him because I though he was the no bull type of guy. He just seemed so mature and I needed that. I had relationship before but they were teen stuff. I was so busy with school, and making it and listening to my folks and I never went further than kissing and holding. And it was fine.

And then he came along, and he was just spontaneous. We would just go out and take photos or draw in otherplaces. Completely random. I guess that's what hooked me to him, the fact he took me out of the monotony I called life. I was happy don't get me wrong, I just.. didnt know how much I wanted more.

New Years came along and he had some trouble with his ex, she left him in the sun after a year and a half together. So he kept mentioning her, just minute details. It got so weird cause he kept saying bad memories if I ever did something, like put on a song or something.

After new years, he kind of broke contact for a couple of days, I kept telling myself it was because he was tired. Then when he did contact me he said we needed to talk. So we did. The bottomline of that was the he decided to give me a chance because as he put it, I got his jokes, I apreciated what he did, I was smart and funny and well.. cute. I asked him then if there was still something there for his ex, and he said no, and that he had been waiting for me to ask that.. that it was a test.

So after that things were OK for a while, everything was close to perfect. Then suddenly he started withdrawing. On the day we had the talk we agreed we would confront each other if something was wrong. So I did. Every time I asked, he evaded the answer saying it was nothing. I kept racking at my brain what on earth it could be.

So I figured OK, he has problems he dosen't want to talk about now. I understood and decided I would wait. I was willing to give him space and go through hell myself just so he would be OK.

One day I had to meet up with him and our 2 best friends at the workshop. I went there, he knew I was coming, he came 2 hours late and when he entered he didn't even hug me, or kiss me on the cheek, nothing, just a very muffled 'hi'. I stayed for another half hour, but when I saw he didn't react ( he had told me on a previous occasion that I was begging for attention, and that I didn't have to, that if he saw I did something on my own he would react) I decided to leave, since I had a presentation the next day, and since I figured he was either too tired or in too bad of a mood to deal with me and my insecurity ( that is exactly what I thought).

He asked why I was in such a hurry, with a very sarcastic smile, and I don't know.. I told him that I needed to get home because I had work to do. Which was half the truth.
So I left.

A couple of weeks later we were talking on messy, and one thing led to another and he told me I didn't know how to act in a group and that he didn't like the fact he was in my 'eyeline' 100%. He was upset with me because I didn't manage to pay attention to their jokes. So I told him the truth, that I couldn't because I couldn't hear what he was saying, he kept mumbling.

So then he laied it on me that maybe he should go somewhere were he can understand himself and where people understand him. I spent the next 2 and 1/2 hours trying, and crying and doing my best to make him realise he didn't need to end it with me to do that.

It didn't work, we lft it at "might try again" stage. We had a major exam on Monday which lasted for 8 hours. I came by his workshop 2 times during the exam and after ( we were allowed). When I finished my project I had to leave because I was supposed to meet my friend, and I was 20-30 minutes. So I looked through the window and saw they wer busy handing in their projects. I decided I didn't want him to think that I was clingy so I left because I knew how tired they were.

Later that week, we talk online again. And this time he acuses me of not having any respect for him that day, that I left on purpose without saying bye that I didn't care (when I had previously tried calling him 3 times with no reply) about him at all. That I didn't know how to atrct a man, that he didn't have the hunt, that everything I did was mechanical. So I said it, and just told him everything that went through my mind when he acted like a popsicle, including why I really left that day at the workshop.

He then proceeds to call me a liar, that I had lied to him (didnt matter I did it thinking it would make him happy) that I didn't care for him at all, that he didn't believe me when I said I loved him. That it is impossible to love someone after only 2 and a half months. And a bunch of other things.

Bottom line is he said he was through with me, and now, whatever I do or say he just rolls his eyes or says something sarcastic and mean. I'm not the only one who noticed it. So all the confidence I built up in 4 years in high school, went down the drain in one night. I can't even NC him because 1)it hurts 2) I see him everyday at school 3) we have common very good friends.

I think you are in love. I think love is not being able to imagine your life without that person in it. You are in the initial stages of love... the goo goo ga ga crazy want to be with you and all over you stage. The problem is, he doesn't love you... yet. It takes people longer or shorter. It is a rare occurrence that they both feel it at the same time. You have to be patient and not force him. It may come it may not.

It is better to have loved and lost, than never love at all.

While it is possible to fall in love after 2 and a half months, it is highly unlikely that you know them that well. Be honest, you may be highly attracted to something's you do know, but don't have enough facts to see if there are things about him you may not love as much, as a matter of fact, there may be many red flags that you are blind to, that early in the relationship. Bottom line is now that the plane has crashed and burned, what do you do with the feelings of hurt and pain that are left. Click on the links in my signature to see some good ideas and let me know if they relate to your situation at all.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

While it is possible to fall in love after 2 and a half months, it is highly unlikely that you know them that well. Be honest, you may be highly attracted to somethings you do know, but don't have enough facts to see if there are things about him you may not love as much, as a matter of fact, there may be many red flags that you are blind to, that early in the relationship. Bottom line is now that the plane has crashed and burned, what do you do with the feelings of hurt and pain that are left. Click on the links in my signature to see some good ideas and let me know if they relate to your situation at all.

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Maybe you're right. As far as the links go, funny enough I have been doing some of the things in the suggestion forum, and I think I'm halfway through the other one with the info on what happens after a break up. I have deleted him from my messy list, and I am going out with friends, hanging out, I started reading a lot of stuff lately, and have been watching some movies I wanted to see for a while. I don't.. hate him, I hate the situation rather, and I know for a fact it will get better.

Very simply:

Love renews you, changes you, invigorates you. It makes you look forward to waking up in the morning so you can see that person and makes you yearn to fall asleep so you can dream about them. It encompasses your world and draws you into your own little bubble. It makes you feel alive like you had never breathed before you met your match. It makes every moment sparkle with intensity and possibility. It grows inside your heart, your mind, your soul and blossoms into a beautiful flower to be displayed to the world.

Love is losing yourself in another person, yet retaining the independence of a secure, trusting relationship. It is feeling safe and secure, not wondering if you're 'the one', but knowing you were made for your partner.

Love is living. Breathing. Ever-changing. Ever-growing. Being completely, wholly cherished.

So, that's what love is to me.

When do you know if its love? You tell me. What is love to you?

Oh and Darlin, Yes. Love is infinitely worth it. If you don't have it now, when you do experience it? You'll know. :)