Hi, my son is almost 5 and he is so hateful. The teachers at preschool say he is a good little boy but, as soon as I get him he turns to being mean. He whines all the time, tells me "No", says that he doesn't have to. Things like that. I am getting so tired of him thinking he is the one that runs this house. My husband doesn't help much on discipline. But, we both are at agreement that he needs to change his attitude. I've tried time out, taking all toys away, no games, and I even give him spankings. Nothing is working. I'm tired, I can't stand the whining most of all. I don't know what to do. He is the only child. I just need some other ideas on how I could change the way he is. When I talk to him he will look at me and stick his tongue out and turn around and put his butt in my face. You know how kids are at his age. But, when I take him to school and see how some of the other kids are listening to their parents makes me wonder where I went wrong. So, please if anyone has any advise, I sure would appreciate it. Don't get me wrong, he's not bad like some of those kids out there that hit and bite. Just cries and whines and talks back but, I am down to whits in. Please help.

Hello I'm a dad I've a boy who's 3,girl at 8 them 2 are buggers.fight like cats & dogs they need discipline but I think the voice of the farther.When our lass shouts at the kids they don`t listen much but when I start they listen, but also they need love & attention take them out to local parks anything kids get very bored. They look 4 your attention all the time if you shout, be patient ,lower your voice good look

wackymb,

Please forgive me but you are doing something wrong. His preschool teachers think he is okay. So whatever it is it's happening at home. He is four years old, he is a little boy. He is not hateful and you need to stop thinking of him as being hateful. He is being mean to you for a reason. You need to take an honest look at what you are doing, how you talk to him, and what you expect from him. How do you punish him? When he begins to 'whine' sit him down gently and ask him what it is he wants. Tell him you can't understand what he wants if he doesn't asked properly. Stay calm, speak in a soft voice. What are you asking him that he says he doesn't have to? Could you be asking him to do too much for his age? Your child does not run your house but he does see himself as the centre of the universe, all very normal for his age. This will change as he gets a little older. Your husband does not want to do anything, it could just be that your husband thinks you are too hard on the child. You both expect a four year old to change his attitude? I spent almost twenty years working to change my attitude. What you want from a four year old child is very unreasonable. Try treating your son like the little child he is, get down on the floor and play with him, go to swing parks. Stop spanking. If he is throwing a tantrum hold him in your arms and tell him that you love him. Ask him what it is he wants and you will try to get it for him. You're tired because you're making work for yourself. Taking things away at this age doesn't mean anything. Why not try rewarding good behaviour instead. Nothing is working because you are doing it wrong. Forgive me for that remark. But I'm very concerned about this unhappy little boy. If you really want things to change you need to tell your son that you love him. Put him to bed and read him a story. Don't expect any of this to work over night. It will take time for you to gain his trust. But please try some of these suggestions. He has seen someone else do these things and get people laughing. You might even have laughed the first time he did it. Now you want him to stop. Here's what you have to do. When he sticks his tongue out or shakes his butt in your face look away, do not react, look away, or walk away and go and do something else. EVERYTIME he does this ignore it. Seriously. He will see it isn't working and will stop. But it will take time. Ignore bad behaviour and reward good behaviour. You have no idea how easy this is at that age. You're looking at how the other kids talk to their parents. Right? Try looking at how the other parents are talking to their kids.

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Originally Posted by bluerose

wackymb,

Please forgive me but you are doing something wrong. His preschool teachers think he is okay. So whatever it is it's happening at home. He is four years old, he is a little boy. He is not hateful and you need to stop thinking of him as being hateful. He is being mean to you for a reason. You need to take an honest look at what you are doing, how you talk to him, and what you expect from him. How do you punish him? When he begins to 'whine' sit him down gently and ask him what it is he wants. Tell him you can't understand what he wants if he doesn't asked properly. Stay calm, speak in a soft voice. What are you asking him that he says he doesn't have to? Could you be asking him to do too much for his age? Your child does not run your house but he does see himself as the centre of the universe, all very normal for his age. This will change as he gets a little older. Your husband does not want to do anything, it could just be that your husband thinks you are too hard on the child. You both expect a four year old to change his attitude? I spent almost twenty years working to change my attitude. What you want from a four year old child is very unreasonable. Try treating your son like the little child he is, get down on the floor and play with him, go to swing parks. Stop spanking. If he is throwing a tantrum hold him in your arms and tell him that you love him. Ask him what it is he wants and you will try to get it for him. You're tired because you're making work for yourself. Taking things away at this age doesn't mean anything. Why not try rewarding good behaviour instead. Nothing is working because you are doing it wrong. Forgive me for that remark. But I'm very concerned about this unhappy little boy. If you really want things to change you need to tell your son that you love him. Put him to bed and read him a story. Don't expect any of this to work over night. It will take time for you to gain his trust. But please try some of these suggestions. He has seen someone else do these things and get people laughing. You might even have laughed the first time he did it. Now you want him to stop. Here's what you have to do. When he sticks his tongue out or shakes his butt in your face look away, do not react, look away, or walk away and go and do something else. EVERYTIME he does this ignore it. Seriously. He will see it isn't working and will stop. But it will take time. Ignore bad behaviour and reward good behaviour. You have no idea how easy this is at that age. You're looking at how the other kids talk to their parents. Right? Try looking at how the other parents are talking to their kids.

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My son is not unhappy. Don't you be thinking that I am miss treating him in anyway. He is spoiled. He gets whatever he wants. I do a lot for him. And when I tell him No for something that is when he acts up. And no my husband doesn't think I am to strong on him. My husband are one of those jerks that just lays around and lets the woman do everything.

Wackymb,

This is a cycle that is going to be hard to break. You said yourself that he is spoiled, he is used to ruling the roost, so to speak.

Time to buck up and be the parent. I have a 5 year old son who was spoiled until recently. Whenever we went to WalMart he EXPECTED something. So, that's when he STOPPED getting ANYTHING. If he whined and pitched a fit, we left the cart right where it was and went home. He would stay with Dad while I went out shopping, or he would stay with me while Dad went out shopping. Believe me, he didn't want to stay home with me, Dad's more fun when Mom is mad. LOL

Unfortunately you have let him be the parent too long, now you have to be the parent.

If you and your husband are both in agreement that your son needs an attitude adjustment, then you AND your husband need to be on the same page as far as the discipline goes. Dad NEEDS to be a parent also, he needs to discipline as well. With you as the only disciplinarian this behavior is going to be VERY hard to change.

When your son tells you he "doesn't have to" when you ask him to do something, ask him to explain WHY he doesn't have to do it.

When he sticks his tongue out, tell him that is unacceptable behavior, not good manners, and this is something he is not allowed to do. I remember doing that to my mother ONCE, and to this day I can't stand the taste of Dial soap on my toothbrush.

Yes I know how 5 year olds are and no they are not like this.

How long are toys taken away, how many evenings with no TV. And both parents have to be on the same game plan and do it every time, every time.

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I just need some other ideas on how I could change the way he is... He gets whatever he wants.

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You must change the way YOU are.

Please stop giving him whatever he wants.

Visit a public library or go to the web site for a book or video/DVD called 1-2-3 Magic. It will give you a way to discipline without spanking or yelling or losing your mind. The trick is that you must follow the plan to the letter and be consistent. Are you up for that? Best wishes.

Sorry your son is bulling you, and so sorry you, and your husband let him. He does it because he can and he does it for your attention. Never let them see you sweat, and never let them make you angry. I think this is the first time he has been away from you on an extended basis, and may be a little insecure, and tired, when you pick him up. Cranky. A nap is in order, and he, with you right there, will fall asleep. You can always chat with his teachers for some advice and insights, in ways to parent, and it would help if that lazy a$$ couch potato helped out, and maybe he can babysit his own kid while you take a break. Especially right after school.

wackymb,

I'm sorry you didn't find any of that the least bit helpful.