Ask Me Help Desk - Friend or Foe?

Ok, I have a friend who I grew up with 'C' and he is with this girl 'E'. They recently had a baby together and have been on and off ever since.

There was a period where I did not really know 'E' all that well, but when she and 'C' has a few months apart; we got to know each other better and spent a lot of time together. I even helped her out with her two kids. She struggled a lot with money and being a single parent and only 22yrs I tried to help her the best I could. Gave her and the kids lifts when they needed them, gave her money for electric milk for the baby, gave her some of my old clothes because she could not afford to buy new ones and helped her in ways no one else would have. However as Pete and I got together and 'C' and 'E' got back together a lot of things have changed.

My DJing has picked up tremendously, my parents have split, so I have had a rough time with that, I have been having problems with my car - and trying to sort it out and get it fixed etc and have had other things to sort out and tend to, resulting in not seeing 'E'. I said to her on a couple of occasions I would try to call in and see her, but never made it because something always got in the way. She is by no means the only friend to suffer, other friends of mone have suffered too.

What I am asking is all my friends understand that I am busy and understand that I will see them as soon as I can. They all keep in touch with me through Texts, emails etc - but 'E' is not the same. She had a go at me for not going round to see her, and tried to make out I had used her. She had done so much for me and this was how I repaid her?? Nothing I said made any difference and she basically told me she wanted nothing more to do with me.

Is she a friend who is just being a little selfish - or is she a Foe that used me for what she could and now no longer needs me so has kicked me to the kirb, but wants me hanging on a thread just in case she needs me again?? Hence trying to send me on a guilt trip??

I do think she is a little hurt that you haven't kept in contact with her but for her to say that "you used her after all the things she id for YOU?" Seems a little bit twisted. Wasn't it you that provided a lot of things for her in her time of need?

It's a little hard to say if this girl was using you, Maybe she is just veryyyyy sensetive and takes things a little to personally, and acts like this was a rejection and in turn wants nothing to do with you. If that is the case she really needs to get a grip. Im sure she was hurt by you not being able to hang out much, which is not your fault. It happens to the best of us. But she should be understanding to what your going through and stand by you like a friend would, you did the same for her when she was dealing with her own problems.

Sometimes people just choose not to see the bigger picture and they tend to think only of themselves in these situations. When they are in a crisis everyone has to help them but if it's the other way around they become less understanding.
Im sorry your friend is doing this to you, but you seem like a very caring and generous person. Just by what I read on your posts and conversing with you a little bit, you have a really good heart, I think you and I would get along really great. Unfortunately there are always other people who will treat you unfairly no matter what.

Its sort of hard to tell but I don't think she's a very good friend in my honest opinion. A true friend would be more understanding and less selfish.

Quote:

Originally Posted by bizygurl

I do think she is a little hurt that you haven't kept in contact with her but for her to say that "you used her after all the things she id for YOU?" Seems a little bit twisted. Wasn't it you that provided a lot of things for her in her time of need?

Its a little hard to say if this girl was using you, Maybe she is just veryyyyy sensetive and takes things a little to personally, and acts like this was a rejection and in turn wants nothing to do with you. If that is the case she really needs to get a grip. Im sure she was hurt by you not being able to hang out much, which is not your fault. It happens to the best of us. But she should be understanding to what your going through and stand by you like a friend would, you did the same for her when she was dealing with her own problems.

Sometimes people just choose not to see the bigger picture and they tend to think only of themselves in these situations. When they are in a crisis everyone has to help them but if its the other way around they become less understanding.
Im sorry your friend is doing this to you, but you seem like a very caring and generous person. Just by what I read on your posts and conversing with you a little bit, you have a really good heart, I think you and I would get along really great. Unfortunately there are always other people who will treat you unfairly no matter what.

I think you are right. Although she is 22yrs and a Mum, she has a real habit of trying to palm her kids off on to other people so that she can have time to herself and have fun. She told me once that she would not change her kids for the world, but if she had a second run she would have waited until later on before becoming a mum. 1 or 2 other friends have said she appears to be jelous of the life I lead, having no ties or responsibities as such also because she never got to finsh her driving lessons and get her licence etc Whilst other friends think she is just using me to look after kids and bail her out when she needs it.

Thank you for your kind words, it bought a tear to my eye :)

Awwww!! Your welcome!

Quote:

Originally Posted by bizygurl

awwww!!!! Your welcome!

:) you are a star my dear

Not surprised at all that you would be doing what you can for someone in need,and to be sure you should be commended for your efforts.Please don't let someone's act of ingratitude change you.Keep doing your thang!:cool:

Quote:

Originally Posted by crankiebabie

Its sort of hard to tell but I dont think shes a very good friend in my honest opinion. A true friend would be more understanding and less selfish.

That's what I believe - that's what I don't understand? Especially since I have done so much for her.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

Not surprised at all that you would be doing what you can for someone in need,and to be sure you should be commended for your efforts.Please don't let someones act of ingratitude change you.Keep doing your thang!:cool:

Thank you talaniman - that means a lot - and I am not going to change for anyone. I can only be me after all. I just don't like people attempting to sending me on giult trips when there is no need.

Maybe sometimes when people need something they go begging for help but when they are fine they act all tough and stuff. I don't think that is how you treat a person. You should repay them back for what they have given you.

Just give E a little more time to think about her attitude and just how much your generosity has helped HER!

You have a warm and loving heart everyone would want but I agree with bizygurl that sometimes people just treat you unfairly...