Hi.. I have been looking for answers but I guess it seems I can't find them.. I had met this guy over a month ago. He is like totally amazing. I just got out of a really bad 10 year relationship and I am new to this I guess you would call it the dating world. Anyway, I have have really fallen for this guy and he has told me that he is scared to fall in love again because he has been hurt so much. When we spend time together it is amazing. We have talked about taking it really slow.. but I don't know if we are like dating or in some kind of relationship. I am totally scared to ask him, because I feel if I do he will run. He is still on this dating site where we met.. but it says now that he would love just to meet new friends.. also he has it on his face book that he is still single... I don't know what to do because I am so scared.. he talks about the future... but I don't know what to do.. he calls me hun,babe etc... hugs and kisses me... he does stay over at my place a lot when he can.. is he scared?? I know I am... I have decides to take it really slow with him.. but should I tell him how I feel now or wait? Because I am scared that if I do he will run.. since it is only been over a month since we met... please someone help... because I have been waiting all my life for such a great guy like this

twilight72 writes: "...I just got out of a really bad 10 year relationship...he calls me hun,babe etc.... hugs and kisses me... he does stay over at my place a lot when he can.. is he scared???? i know i am... i have decides to take it really slow with him...."
Sounds to me like you are driving down the road at 100 mph and wondering where the turns are. If you just got out of a bad 10 year relationship, maybe you need a vacation. Just a thought.

Darlin, when you approach a relationship, you need to be honest with the person that you are starting a relationship with.

This guy sounds very nice. He sounds like a "keeper." You've just gotten out of a very long relationship and you deserve a good person in your life. I'm sure this guy - if he's as good a guy as you say - knows that you are scared. He may be a little scared too, actually!

The best thing for you to do is to sit down with him and tell him what you're thinking. Tell him that you're scared because of your previous relationship and that you don't know what to do in this situation, tell him that you are very excited about the open-book before the two of you and that you see potential for your relationship, tell him that he's an amazing person and that you would love to get to know him more.

Then leave the ball in his hands.

If you do this, you'll open yourself up to criticism, possible rejection, and the fact that he may be spooked... BUT you'll also open the door for an honest, real relationship that is truly enjoyed by both of you. You never know, this could be him. But, don't let your fear of rejection cloud your view...

You're worth it! He's worth it! Hold out your hand and ask him to dance...

Remember, nothing ventured, nothing gained! ;)

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Originally Posted by HistorianChick

Darlin, when you approach a relationship, you need to be honest with the person that you are starting a relationship with.

This guy sounds very nice. He sounds like a "keeper." You've just gotten out of a very long relationship and you deserve a good person in your life. I'm sure this guy - if he's as good a guy as you say - knows that you are scared. He may be a little scared too, actually!

The best thing for you to do is to sit down with him and tell him what you're thinking. Tell him that you're scared because of your previous relationship and that you don't know what to do in this situation, tell him that you are very excited about the open-book before the two of you and that you see potential for your relationship, tell him that he's an amazing person and that you would love to get to know him more.

Then leave the ball in his hands.

If you do this, you'll open yourself up to criticism, possible rejection, and the fact that he may be spooked... BUT you'll also open the door for an honest, real relationship that is truly enjoyed by both of you. You never know, this could be him. But, don't let your fear of rejection cloud your view....

You're worth it! He's worth it! Hold out your hand and ask him to dance...

Remember, nothing ventured, nothing gained! ;)

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Aww tyvm... that is the sweetest way anyone has ever explained smething to me :-).. I totally understand what you are saying.. because I feel the same way.. I know that I have to not let my fear over take me.. and tyvm again. You are a very sweet person :-) I will do what you said and will let everyone know how things go... because letting it ride.. will probably be the wrong thing to do... hope me the best :-)

I told everyone I would write back as soon as I know what was going on... well he just wants to be friends.. says he has too much going on in his life anything else.. but the strange thing of the matter... I meet a new guy.. the day that the guy told me he wanted to be friends it was really weird... this guy is totally awesome... the only thing is that he is younger then me but I don't really care.. I have never felt such a chenisrty reaction... I will let everyone know how thing goes with this guy I am hoping for the best.. he says says the best thing to do is see each other right now and see how things go... he wants to have a relationship with me.. but it is better to take things slow.. because the love grows better that way

OK everyone... I can't win... found out the new one I am seeing is just using me.. how nice.. and the first guy I talked about the first time that says he wants to be friends... well... he is coming around again... his son told me that he is scared because he is really falling for me... and that when he said he wants to be friends... he wants to see if I will wait... I seen him yesterday and wow... I just felt this really amazing feeling inside... his son told me that I should try and talk to his dad.. because me and him are meant for each other.. so the other guy when I found out he is just using me.. and saying nice things to just get what he wants... I told him to hit the road... so I have decided to stay single... and see where things will go with the first guy.. his son told me to follow my heart and that is what I am going to do... and just take things one day at a time... because good things come to those who wait.. but what gets me.. I guess I am a fool for nice and caring words.. and fell for the trap.. but will keep wrting to let you all know how thing work out OK... and ty all for being there for me and giving me such good advice:D

I bet he feels the same! He probably doesn't want to scare YOU away. Let time do its thing! Take it easy, and don't get too exaggerated. Take it easy. :) You are probably just "dating" getting to know each other and such. Until you both know that you are in a deeper level, just relax.

Hey everyone I am back... so many things have been going on with the first guy I talked about... I need someone's advice.. well see he still considers us friends... now this is the big part.. he has been coming over more and he even stays with me in my bed at night.. but we don't do nothing at all... he has told me that he is scared to get into another relationship... he has also said to me if I was to get a boyfriend he would be gone... he does everything for me.. he has even made plans for the future with me involved... he said he loves me very much as a friend... we spend a lot of time together.. we talk a lot also.. I told him how I felt about him... and he still hasn't ran away... but I am so confused... because friends don't do things we do for each other.. we are not sleeping togther in that way.. but we do sleep in the same bed or anything like that... but he told me that I am the most amazing thing that has ever happened to him and that we have a great bond now and that I would never get rid of him... what I want to know is he like scared to be in a relationship with me... or what... he told me that he has been hurt so much that he doesn't want to get hurt... but I also told him I value him as a friend and don't want to lose that.. but the point is that he has told me that he doesn't want me to get a boyfriend... and would I be around till he can figure out what he wants... he is even on a date site and hides it from me saying that he is onlly making friends.. it has been almost 4 months now and I don't know what to do.. I have very strong feelings for him... and he has never said that it would never be no more then friends.. but we r friends... I don't know it is so confusing.. I don't know what to do. Help

IF HE REALLY Didn't WANT A RELATIONSHIP HE WOULD BE ON A DATE SITE!! I mean isn't that kind of obvious? Best I can say is think about how long You believe you would be with him. If your going to be wit him for a LONG time, tell himyou want to be a part of his life troubles and hardships. Be involved

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Originally Posted by Grand Chilokar

IF HE REALLY DIDNT WANT A RELATIONSHIP HE WOULD BE ON A DATE SITE!!! i mean isnt that kind of obvious? best i can say is think about how long You believe you would be with him. if your gonna be wit him for a LONG time, tell himyou wanna be a part of his life troubles and hardships. be involved

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I understand what you are saying... I have thought about being with him.. and I fell we coyld be together forever... because we just click so well together. So what you are saying is that because he is on a date site.. he is looking for something?/? Why hide it from me then?? I don't know it is just really confusing... and I have told him how I feel and everything... other people have told that he is in denile of his feelings

First you should not be scared to ask him questions. What you are scared of is the answers and reaction to your question. This is because you are emotionally invested in this relationship already.

If you ask him a simple question like where do you two guys stand? And he runs away then he wasn't worth you time and trust me it would be for the best.

OMG.. It's been only a month since you met this man and you already allowed him to spend the night and sleep over. This is way too soon in my opinion.

Listen, you need to define this relationship and ask him want you want in this relationship if he doesn't want the same things they you need to end it.

The harsh truth is he may be in it for just sex. Real men don't use that excuse I want to take it slow because I have been hurt in the past. Women say this and this why he used it. It's something that you could relate to and that is why he said it. The translation: I don't want to be in a committed relationship right now.

You have been waiting your whole life for a guy like this? And you think that you know who this guy really is, after being with him for a little more than 30 days.

Ask him what are you two doing? Are you casually dating? Does this mean that we can date other people? What? Are you boyfriend and girlfriend? And are we only seeing exclusively?

These questions are important because if you are sleeping with him and he is sleeping with someone else you are leaving yourself open to STD's.

Oh hon, don't you want someone as "in" the relationship as you are? Don't you want him to really believe that you hung the moon and that the stars are there because of your shimmeryness? Don't you want him to shout to the world that you are "his girl," that he is with you - completely?

I know you do. I know that you think if you wait long enough, he'll realize this and come around. Darlin, he may, but you will have lost a part of yourself in the waiting. When you forget who you are, what you want, what you dream and hope for a relationship and settle to the a convenience rather than a priority, you sell yourself short.

Again, talk to him. Tell him you want that relationship, explain that "just being friends" is killing you. And again, I give you the advice to talk and then back up. Leave it in his hands. You told him what you wanted before and he said no, lets be friends. And you accepted that - that's OK! You tried it! But you still have these feelings... tell him and back up.

I hope that he takes the possibility and runs with it... But you be true to YOU.

Much luck and many smiles...
HC

All I can say is tell him you will wait for him... im in a similar situation :)

Grand Chilokar, I have to totally disagree.

First, not all people on dating sites want to date and are looking for love. This is a common misconception dating sites are just a different media of meeting people. There are people on this sites that have great intentions and there are people who bad intentions. I'm not stating this is the case.

Second, she should NOT tell this person that she would wait because this is unfair to her. The truth is he may never decide that he was something more this type of relationship and she would be waiting forever. She could tell him that she will keep that door open but she should not pass up other opportunities with other people. Should a decent, loving, and caring person come into her life this guy will be a road block.

Now, Twilight72

The companionship seems nice, but the fact that he is staying over is inappropriate. What you have is not a friendship it's something else. Honestly people! when was the last time you had friend of the opposite sex sleep over, and sleep in the same bed? Imagine, a husband or wife telling there spouse hey honey Jack/Jane is sleeping over and he/she is going to spoon with us.

Friendships don't have a stipulation that if one decides to find a boyfriend/girlfriend that relationship is over. Friends don't abandon each other because the other one finds a boyfriend/girlfriend.

Twilight72 you are settling for what he is willing to give you and not what you really want. This is the quiet before the storm. You need to stop allowing him to sleep over. Unless this guy is gay something may happen. At that point you will become a sex buddy and clearly this is not want you want.

Let me be clear. The both of you are adults and if you want to start a sex buddy relationship that is your right. I don't advise you start one! Some sex buddy relationships start without the other party knowing and clearly this is what I think is going on.

Good luck and happy hunting.
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Anyway, I have have really fallen for this guy and he has told me that he is scared to fall in love again because he has been hurt so much.

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My dear, Stay single, and uncommitted and enjoy as many fun people as you can. You need a lot more time to learn how to cope with those strong intense feelings of attraction, for new people before you can just follow those feelings. This guy has red flags all over the place as he gives you enough attention to keep you smitten, and wanting more and says just the right things to keep you confused, and hopeful, yet he keeps his own options open. Don't fall for that. Stay reserved, and at a distance, and in control of those feelings. That way you can see if the words match the actions, and the hell with excuses. A man who doesn't want to risk getting his heart broken, is not for you. A man who has a lot of baggage from his past, is not for you. A man who talks sweet, but does nothing, is not for you. A man who still trolls the NET, and gives you lip service, is not for you. Stay single and let the guys chase you, and see who comes with a plan to really catch you, and throw the small fry back into the lake to grow up. No sex for a year. Sorry, sex clouds your judgment. And no matter the year, or the equal rights for women, no man pays for a cow, when he can get the milk for free. Love yourself enough to enjoy yourself, by yourself, and a real man will want to share that love with you. Good Luck, and have fun.