Ask Me Help Desk - Should I just tell him?

Should I just tell him?

I have a friend that is getting played to the fullest and I have told them my thoughts in the past. Now he is also starting to tell that his woman is using him because of his financial stability and he spends hours on the phone talking about her and his feelings. I am tired of hearing about the relationship and am considering telling him to "man up" and get over it already. Should I tell him that or continue to be the good listening and understanding friend that I have been? Note: This has been going on for well over two months now.

Quote:

Originally Posted by deeva28

I have a friend that is getting played to the fullest and I have told them my thoughts in the past. Now he is also starting to tell that his woman is using him because of his financial stability and he spends hours on the phone talking about her and his feelings. I am tired of hearing about the relationship and am considering telling him to "man up" and get over it already. Should I tell him that or continue to be the good listening and understanding friend that I have been? Note: This has been going on for well over two months now.

If you've told him before, then what difference would it make now? Are you afraid of losing him as a friend? Do you want more than just friends? Be honest!

Here's the thing, no matter what you say to him, he is going to do what makes him happy. Sometimes lessions like this have to be learned the hard way. I was in a bad relationship awhile ago, I can't count how many times people said to me "what are you doing dont you see how he is treating you?" I didn't listen to them it was something that I had to learn on my own. I think that's what he's going to have to do as well.

I agree, if he doesn't want to hear it, just keep a band aid ready. Then he will learn the hard way.

I'd rather hear the truth from someone close like a close friend. If that's what really going on, just talk to him and let him decide. He might be upset and might not act immediately but it'll slowly sink in. If you're willing to stand by him when he falls, let him know too.

If you told him once, you did your duty as a friend. It is up to him to make his own decisions about relationships. If you interfere too much, he may start to think that you are acting out of jealousy and that you don't have his best interests in mind.

If it bothers you to hear about it all the time, start spending less time with him. Friends should be there to listen and support you when you need it, but trying to convince him into doing something could end up destroying your friendship! If he regrets his decision to "man up" after you convinced him to do it, he may hold it against you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by deeva28

Now he is also starting to tell that his woman is using him because of his financial stability

Well he seems to know or at least thinks he's being used. You did your bit by telling him your opinion. Tell him that next time he starts , then let him know you don't really want to go over the same ground over and over.

Quote:

Originally Posted by EuRa

If you've told him before, then what difference would it make now? Are you afraid of losing him as a friend? Do you want more than just friends? Be honest!

Nah, it's not that type of party. I value our friendship because we have been friends for well over ten years, but I don't want more from him. We are too cool to lose our friendship over my thoughts because he knows how I am. I am just tired of hearing about the whole situation when I have already voiced my opinion on it.

Be straight up and honest, you don't want to hear it any more!

If he's your friend, he will be your friend.

Tell him. Be kind, remind him that you're there for him, that you've told him what you think he should do, and then start talking about weather. Or football. Or candy.

Or puppies. Puppies always make people smile. :)

Good afternoon...
I agree with my counterparts on this one. I would like to add that it's difficult as a friend to just listen and not help at certain times. On the flip side, It's also difficult to be the one who everybody is trying to 'educate' I have been on both sides.

Most recently, the side of your friend. I can assure you that we are all the same; in that we have to do something when, WE, are ready to do it. Try being just a friend, just listen. That's one the greatest things about friendship, true friendship. As much as you want to help you are providing an invaluable service, your ability to be a phone call away.

That's priceless. I can tell you that one of my good friends now, Jessica and myself have that type of friendship. I know that both of us would agree that it's priceless. We know we are only a phone call away. The miles that separate us pale in comparison. Whether we need to cry on the phone, chit chat about losing a pound or two, or just catch up, it's invaluable. We have found a refuge in that, in our friendship.

You can continue to provide him that gift. I assure you in the long run, whatever the outcome, you have provided him the outlet he needs. The same outlet we all need. Right now he needs that from you but there will probably come a time you will need that from him. When that times comes you will understand more than you do now about having that friend who listens to you, not lecture you.

We all applaud the friend you are and I think we would all agree that it's human nature to have the desire to 'fix' the problem. Just be a good listener as tired as it may be to always hear the same story on a different day, you need to understand that you are helping him. When it's your turn you will be grateful.

Good luck to you...

You'd be surprised how many time a person will bang their head against the wall and keep expecting a different result.

When he's ready he will make a change but for now you just have to be there for him & I agree with Historianchick, change the subject! =)

I wasn't going to mention squealing about a dress. Since you mention it though...

Or the invaluable gift of picking up the phone and talking to your friend about losing some weight and putting on the adorable new black dress, that just so happens to look stunning on you~

How's that?

Or lending an ear when your friend gets the opportunity to sing the solo of a lifetime and you're a bit jealous. Those are the moments it's best to be a great listener even if you have to grind your teeth together in envy!

Wink... Wink...

That works... and the dress? Oh yea... "Ss-ss-ss-stunning!!!" (Sorry, the reference to Chia Pets was only in my head, wasn't it? Wow... )

Or, ranting about some idiot who... naaa... we won't go there! ;)

Bottom line, darlin, none of us can possibly explain the value of a friend. You know that. Your friend will appreciate you because he is just that, your friend.

I think were alone now... Doesn't seem to be any one aroouunndd.

Quote:

Originally Posted by deeva28

I have a friend that is getting played to the fullest and I have told them my thoughts in the past. Now he is also starting to tell that his woman is using him because of his financial stability and he spends hours on the phone talking about her and his feelings. I am tired of hearing about the relationship and am considering telling him to "man up" and get over it already. Should I tell him that or continue to be the good listening and understanding friend that I have been? Note: This has been going on for well over two months now.

I have a friend like that, when she calls me on the phone balling, I just tell her what she wants to hear, put yourself in there shoes if your sick of it pick a better time to tell them they can't handle that when their that emotionaly fragile. I've learned this the hard way after all this has been going on for 21/2 years...