Ask Me Help Desk - Is No Contact really working for me!

So I find myself thinking that it has been virtually a year to the day that my ex ended our relationship.

In many ways I have started to move on, but in so many ways I am struggling to do so. I still think about her on a daily basis, why the person who I did absolutely everything for, and helped through some tough times and a bad illness, would go against everything she said to me, that she loved me and wanted to be with me.

On the other hand, it is nearly 6 months of no contact. I have not contacted her and I won't contact her, so in that respect I am pleased with myself that I broke the cycle of me being there for her on the pretense of friendship, yet her doing nothing for me except give me false hope that we may get back together and use my kindness for herself.

I still think that she may contact me at somepoint, though I am starting to think now that it probably won't be on the basis I want it to be. If she does call, she will either not be listening to my requests that being friends won't work or, she may contact me to talk about us, but I am not sure I could ever trust someone again who let me down so badly.

I am just trying to get some perspective. The fact that I have stuck to NC for 6 months, and will continue to stick to it, is surely good. How else can I try and move on!?

Any thoughts would be appreciated?

First up congrats on 6 months no contact, keep it up.
My expirience is that when your in this situation it is well worth your while to just get over it and not even think about the remote possibility of getting back together. So what you want to do is, keep up the no contact, go out with other girls, even if it might not be a "forever" relationship, you can still date and flirt and be happy. Overthinking will be your downfall, keep up the distractions and the thoughts of her will dry up!

Quote:

Originally Posted by imation

First up congrats on 6 months no contact, keep it up.
my expirience is that when your in this situation it is well worth your while to just get over it and not even think about the remote possiblility of getting back together. so what you wanna do is, keep up the no contact, go out with other girls, even if it might not be a "forever" relationship, you can still date and flirt and be happy. overthinking will be your downfall, keep up the distractions and the thoughts of her will dry up!

Thanks. I have been trying to do all of those things, even met a couple of ladies I like! It is the whole anniversary of it ending that has brought it all back, and made me take stock. Nothing has changed on NC, I will be sticking to it!

I just thought I would be further along in the process than I am after this amount of time!

I met up with one of my old school friends 10 years later and we got onto talking about one of his ex's. This guy is a stand up kind of guy, always did the right thing by people and I was fairly surprised to learn that he said it still kind of haunts him to this day.

He is getting married in 2 months and is extremely happy in his relationship, I guess what it showed me is that what's past is past, but it will always be with you in some form or another, as long as you don't let it impact your present day happiness :) I wouldn't let anyone else tell you where your mindset is meant to be, and maybe it shows you how much you cared for your otherhalf for you to still be going through the process. I would look at it as a good thing :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by lunchboxau

I met up with one of my old school friends 10 years later and we got onto talking about one of his ex's. This guy is a stand up kind of guy, always did the right thing by people and I was fairly surprised to learn that he said it still kind of haunts him to this day.

He is getting married in 2 months and is extremely happy in his relationship, I guess what it showed me is that whats past is past, but it will always be with you in some form or another, as long as you don't let it impact your present day happiness :) I wouldn't let anyone else tell you where your mindset is meant to be, and maybe it shows you how much you cared for your otherhalf for you to still be going through the process. I would look at it as a good thing :)

It is quite like that, but nowhere near the same timescale! My thinking of her is gradually shifting. For ages, I wanted her back, now I am not sure I could ever take her back. I look back at what happened, and how good I was to her, and that basically counted for nothing. She should not have let me go that easily. After everything I did for her I was worth so much more than the way she acted.

So my thought processes now are about what happened, and how I can learn from that (if I can) rather than how I can get her back. There is a difference between the two in my view, that shows I am starting to move on.

Don't kill yourself thinking about the "what ifs". What if she called me? What if I said this? etc. Think about the now. She's gone. You're still here and you're managing to still live. Keep up the no contact and try to stop thinking about these different possible scenarios of things in your head. They'll only hold you back from moving on and moving up. You said it yourself "you're worth so much more than the way she acted". Start thinking about the scenario of you meeting someone who actually deserves you! Good luck!

I had similar experience. The more I think of him, the harder I get to move on. It's that emptiness without him that really hurts. Then I started to think, the pain that he gave me, and I don't want that... I want to be who I was before I met him, I was happy and free. I swithed my thoughts every time when I thinking of him. I'm still going through this and it help.

This feeling at this time, is all about the time of year, and past memories. You are handling it extremely well, and should take pride in your efforts of healing, and growing to where you are now. Congrats are in order, for sure, so congrats to you. Keep it up, your farther along than you give yourself credit for.