One night we had a party at our house. We were having a great time until I went upstairs and as soon as I did that my man and the other guys here decided to go to a strip club witch I really don't care but when I hurd my mans truck start I called and asked where he was going and he said the liquor store so I was like cool pick me up some cigarettes. About an hour later I called to see where my cigarettes were there was no answer. So about two hours later one of the other guys call my cousin from my mans phone and told him they were at a strip club but don't tell me. Also the night before I asked him to go out maybe even to a strip club with me and he didn't feel like it but when we went to vegas he was so turned on that I liked the strip club. His excuse was he was really drunk and the guys didn't tell him where they were going. So my question is did I have the right to be mad cause he never picked up the phone and he lied about where he was going?

Lies are always reason to feel upset

That's a really hard one. Is the reason for your anger really the lies that he told? If so, then you should communicate that to him. Also, he probably feels like he will be kind of held back if you go to the strip club with him. I think that you should question the lies and also look at what in your relationship makes him want to lie to you in the first place or even 'sneak' out of the house under false pretenses. Seems to me like you two need to open the lines of communication more.

In order to keep your man home, he has to be ready for commitment and also make sure you strip for him and keep him happy in bed. By hiding things from you, he is not being honest, and I would be mad. There is nothing better than to hear the truth, even if it hurts. Talk to him about the situation and see what both can work out.

How can you have a healthy relationship when you're not honest with each other?

In this case--he's not honest with you, even if it's just about this ONE THING.

You have every right to be mad--not that he went to a strip club, but because he LIED.

Yeah, strip clubs can be a fun place for both men and women. A lot of people have guilt or shame or secrets tied in with the strip club scene. So, they hide that they're going, that they were there or for how long.

Whatever the tangle is involved in his mind. He lied to you! He let his own interests and friends come before basic courtesy to his significant other. Is this a guy you can forgive? Certainly. Is this a guy you want to depend on?

It is not a matter if you "had the right" to be mad, you must acknowledge your feelings to yourself, you were mad!

It is about what you do after your acknowledge your feelings. I think if I were you I would ask him calmly why he felt like he had to lie to you. If it seems like he doesn't care for you very much, it may be time for you to move on.

He's being dishonest, immature and choosing to please his friends instead of please you. You should evaluate what you see in such a relationship.

He made a mistake, and was wrong in his actions. My wife would be PO'd and she would be right to be. Talk it out, and make sure he knows it was the lying, and not where he lied about going, that your mad about.

You have a right to feel whatever you feel.

Is he lying? Only he knows.

I have been in the grocery store and not heard or felt my phone ring/vibrate. Imagine what the noise and distraction might be like in a strip club?

My take is this... since we don't KNOW anything other than what you said...

1) he probably was a moron for thinking he could disappear for a few hours without being questioned.

2) he could have done something stupid while drunk. I woke up in denny's once with a plate of food in front of me. Seems my friends thought some grub might take off the buzz. Dennys isn't a strip club, but you get the point.

There have been a few select times when I've made bad choices because of drinking. Or being a guy. Or both.

3) you need to figure out the root of this argument. Is it that he lied? Is it that he went to a strip club? Without you? Is it that he might have been drunk? etc...

You said his going to a club wasn't a big deal... so you better make sure what the qualifiers are... no big deal with you? No big deal ever?

I have a friend who goes to strip bars from time to time. She has no interest in the women, but has gone because they are open later and she can hang with some guys in the back corner and keep the night going. Her best friend, my wife, wouldn't go there if her job depended on it... and my wife is no prude.

So... the answer to your question... do you have the right to be upset... is, of course, yes.

Just think about what this is about. Some big fights aren't about the thing you are fighting about... its something bigger and deeper.

So do you have trust issues with him, or are you just pi$$ed that he blew it off with you and then went with his buds?

Several things, if you don't want him going to a strip club without you, then you have an issue of him respecting your feelings about some things.

You of course have an issue that he lied to you, if he is lying then he is either ashamed to adment what he was doing, or doing something he feels he is not suppose to be doing.

As for the cigarettes, heck you need to quit anyway, but if he was not going to get you any, that is antoher lie.

What he did was immature, respect yourself...

It is really easy to talk about how "X makes us feel" but that's not the issue, what should really make you think is the fact that you are letting him make you feel that way... He might stay the same, and lie, and all that stuff humans tend to do. You are the one that should be doing something. After all, you are the only one in charge of your own life:)

I don't go out to my car without mentioning it to my wife much less taking off to the strip joint.

Not that I can't go... but its rude to just disappear without letting your partner know where you are going and when you might be back. Even if it's the grocery store.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by kp2171

you have a right to feel whatever you feel.

is he lying? only he knows.

i have been in the grocery store and not heard or felt my phone ring/vibrate. imagine what the noise and distraction might be like in a strip club?

my take is this... since we dont KNOW anything other than what you said...

1) he probably was a moron for thinking he could disappear for a few hours without being questioned.

2) he could have done something stupid while drunk. i woke up in denny's once with a plate of food in front of me. seems my friends thought some grub might take off the buzz. dennys isnt a strip club, but you get the point.

there have been a few select times when ive made bad choices because of drinking. or being a guy. or both.

3) you need to figure out the root of this arguement. is it that he lied? is it that he went to a strip club? without you? is it that he might have been drunk? etc....

you said his going to a club wasnt a big deal... so you better make sure what the qualifiers are... no big deal with you? no big deal ever?

i have a friend who goes to strip bars from time to time. she has no interest in the women, but has gone because they are open later and she can hang with some guys in the back corner and keep the night going. her best friend, my wife, wouldnt go there if her job depended on it... and my wife is no prude.

so... the answer to your question... do you have the right to be upset... is, of course, yes.

just think about what this is about. some big fights arent about the thing you are fighting about... its something bigger and deeper.

so do you have trust issues with him, or are you just pi$$ed that he blew it off with you and then went with his buds?

---

He obviously wasn't drunk enough to forget not to tell her or he wouldn't have told thepersonhe called... don't tell her:confused: