Hi,

I'm having some trouble. This is my first pregnancy and my boyfriend and I just broke up. He hasn't had a job since I've known or have been dating him. He is an alcoholic, lives off unemployment, doesn't look for a job or anything. Plus, he already has a daughter that he can't even support right now. We got into a really bad argument on the phone last night and he said he wanted me to have an abortion even though I'm not going to. He said he didn't even want the baby, but if I kept it, he would want to be a part of his/her life. I want to try to get full custody of my child when that day comes, but I wonder if they would allow it. I've seen how he doesn't even watch over his own daughter, and well, and I hate to see what he would do with our child. I'm a very responsible person, who as my stuff together, has a fantastic job, new car, new house, good financial stability. I'm just wondering if the courts would rule in favor for me if I needed to go court? Or is there another plan that I should take in this situation? Please help... :(

You have your stuff together but allowed yourself to get pregnant with an alcoholic, neer-do-well. Sorry but that doesn't make sense.

However, from what you have said about him, he probably won't want anything to do with the child. You will, by default have full physical custody, unless he challenges it. I don't see him doing that.

You don't need to go to court to have your child, you have custody to begin with unless he challenges it (which by the sound of his lack of responsibility and alcoholism I don't think you will have a problem).
And I must say, I agree with ScottGem here, why would you a "very responsible person, who as my stuff together" allow yourself to get pregnant by an "alcoholic, lives off unemployment, doesn't look for a job or anything" kind of guy? I'm sorry but that doesn't sound so responsible to me.
Don't worry about having custody of you child, I doubt you will have a problem with that.

First you don't list him on the birth certificate, then he will have to take you to court to get any visits. But basically there is no way to stop a father from having visits if they fight for those rights ( don't sound like he will)
So just don't list him as the father, don't go after child support from him, and most likely he will just leave you alone.

Now of course I have to agree, if you did not want this type of person to be around your child, you should not be sleeping with this type of man,

Well if he wants to be a part of his baby's life he's going to be. Nothing you can do is going to stop that. You can try to get full custody and he may or may not counter with a motion of his own. But you simply cannot prevent him from exercising his paternal rights. You tout yourself as "a very responsible person, who [h]as my stuff together, has a fantastic job, new car, new house, good financial stability" but yet you hooked up with someone who you describe as "an alcoholic, lives off unemployment, doesn't look for a job or anything" and already has a daughter who you claim he can't even support, and then you got knocked up by him? Hmm... I'm sorry, I don't mean to sound so judgmental but if you've got everything going for you that you claim to have, why the hack did you make such a choice?

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You have your stuff together but allowed yourself to get pregnant with an alcoholic, neer-do-well. Sorry but that doesn't make sense.

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Yep Scott, this one struck a chord with me, too.

Some women have that mommy or savior attitude if that is you stay out now that your out.
Do some self evaluation and find why a woman that has it together ended up pregnant by a man who obviously does not take care of his responsibilities.
You need to go to the courts and file for custody once your child is born. Make sure you have the social security card and the baby's birth certificate. That way there is no mistaking who has custody of your child.

As stated, unless challenged, you will already have full custody of the child when it's born. But custody alone doesn't prevent the father from being involved if he wants to be.

I wouldn't worry about it. You have custody automatically, and if he kicks up a fuss, then he can pay child support, and if he gets to uppity, you can present prior bad acts, his responsibility to his other child, as to his character.

You poor thing, like many women in the past and like many women in the future, you unfortunately you fell in love with a bad egg and now your facing the prospect of a lengthy court battle!

I have been in a similar situation and let me tell you its not pretty!

A way to avoid all of this is to move away from this looser! Start again with you and your baby and tell the father you did have an abortion. It sounds very drastic but to avoid a long drawn out process I think this is the best option. It sounds like the father of your baby will be nothing but a hindrance to you and your little one.

Best of luck

Starting with a lie is not an answer

Sometimes you are left with no other option. I was in a violent, relationship and a lie is what saved my life and my daughters.

So honesty is not ALWAYS the best policy

I have to agree with leedee, rather than folks posting negative answers about you, they should have just answered your question, people do crazy things for love... even though you put it out there, that is none of their concern...

Comments on this post
laceygirl003 disagrees: I dont think you should say this woman is lying, you dont even know her, after all people can't help who they fall in love with...this kind of thing happens everyday....

First, may I call your attention to the guidelines for using the comments feature found here:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/feedba...ure-24951.html

Following is the quote I was referring to. I wasn't saying the OP was lying but that an answer was advocating lying.

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Originally Posted by Leedee

Start again with you and your baby and tell the father you did have an abortion.

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Try reading the thread before you make inappropriate comments.

She chose this fellow for whatever reasons, and now they have a child. The rest is up to the courts to decide, no matter how together she paints herself, or how big of a loser she paints him. She has many options here, without resorting to lying. It's a little late to cry foul, after you have made a bad choice.

Be my guest

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Originally Posted by laceygirl003

be my guest

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Huh? What is that supposed to mean? What you should have done is apologize for your inappropriate negative comment on my post.

I just don't think it is right for you to call anyone you don't know a lier, you don't know her, her lifestyle only the fact that she got pregnant with a person who is not into raising is own children. If you had a question that needed answering, you wouldn't want anyone saying, well starting with a lie doesn't help...

Apologize... lol!! All I'm saying is that you shouldn't judge someone you don't know, it isn't right.

My answer was in no way inappropriate, however your comment was.