Hi I'm a 37 yo divorced mother. My ex is 47. (just so you know us) I met this man in 2003... We dated for 2 years and then on and off for the next 1+ years. At the time we met he had a 11 year old son from a previous marriage and I had a 13 year old son and a 2 year old daughter from a previous marriage. We got along great throughout the whole relationship for the first 2 years. More so when we were without our children. I felt like he couldn't accept the fact that my little girl came first and foremost in my life. We never seemed to get past that and although we enjoyed our time together, it never progressed to the next stage. We broke it off after 2 years and then continued on/off for the next 1+ - we both dated other people during that time. We both loved being with one another... there wasn't a bad time together. Then in March of 2006 I found out I was pregnant with his child. We were not in a relationship at that time, we would just contact each other every now and then and get together. After he found out that we were going to have a baby he pretty much vanished. He didn't contact me, I went through my whole pregnancy alone. Unfortunately I still loved him very much and couldn't get him out of my head. He maybe contacted me 3 times during my pregnancy to see how I was doing, he didn't show up for the birth of his baby. But once his son was real to him he decided he wanted to be a part of his life. He visits his son and takes him on a regular schedule. Our son is now 14 months old. I just found out a week ago that he has been married for the past 6 months. And that he was with her during the whole on/off relationship that we shared. He told me that he believe that he made a mistake and that he doesn't love her. He keeps telling me that what if he would have asked me to marry him? He tells me that he still loves me and that he always will. He can't stop thinking about me... but he is married. How do I get him out of my head, out of my thoughts. Although I love him very much I know that he just feeds me these lines. I don't know why. I see him on a regular basis and we need to be in contact with each other for our son. How do I rid him from my every thought... I have not been able to sleep well since finding out he was married. I am crush that he wouldn't tell me and that he is MARRIED! Please help me get him out of my mind!

THIS GUY IS A CON ARTIST!
THIS GUY IS A CON ARTIST!
THIS GUY IS A CON ARTIST!
THIS GUY IS A CON ARTIST!
THIS GUY IS A CON ARTIST!
THIS GUY IS A CON ARTIST!

47 years old and he still acts like this? He won't change. If he snuck around on you, got married, then is willing to leave her and go back with you, what makes you think he'll STAY with you? How do you know that he hasn't seen this very chick the entire time he was with you? How do you know that there's only this one other women, and not 2,3,4 more?

OMG stay the hell away from this man. One of the worst people I have read about in WEEKS, and you even tried your best to make him sound decent. GOD this made me sick to my stomach.

Honey really? This guy is a loser. The relationship was going on the whole time you guys were together and do you really need someone to tell you he's a loser and move on? You need to stop giving him the opportunity to get into your head. Right now your letting him and he's winning. You two should have nothing to talk about unless its about your son. Anything else should be cut off. All this small talk and chit chat about what if I would have asked you to marry me needs to stop because he didn't ask you. He asked her and now he thinks he can come back? Do you really want to be second place in anyone's heart? Now that things aren't working now he wants the opportunity to make it right? Focus on your child and your life and stop giving him the opportunity to fill your head and thoughts with what could have been.

I know this... every part of me knows he is no good. I just wish I could stop thinking of him... It is so difficult. Then I do the what if too!

This guy is bad news

I'm not a perfect guy by no means I'm vain shallow and all this other stuff but id never do what he does

Get out your so much better than him which is what I guess everyone that knows you tells you the same thing

Now for the hard part

Getting rid of someone form your head well sadly that might never happen
Because as much as we like to be in control of our feelings

We cant. But we can control how we act :) and that's where you have to step in if you do think about him try doing something else to take your mind off him


I wish you all the luck

Regards

You shouldn't what if. You should already know he did this to you once he is doing it to his wife now and he will do it to you again. Busy yourself with other things, it will not happen over night it takes time and you need to accept the fact that its going to hurt for a little while. No wound heals over night

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Originally Posted by Cece970

I know this...every part of me knows he is no good. I just wish I could stop thinking of him...It is so difficult. Then I do the what if too!

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This guy totally conned you. YOU GOT CONNED! He conned your behavior, he conned your sexuality, and now he's trying to get MORE! It's evident by the above bolded statement. You shouldn't have any difficulty knowing that this man used you, used other people, WILL continue to use you and other people if you let him. He lied to you from the get-go. He'll continue to lie forever!

And you're letting him.

This guy got the best of you. He wants to do it again and again. You are just a pawn in his game of chess. Not a person, just a pawn. A thing. How does that make you feel? HE CONNED YOU!

Now it's time for you to con him back. Cut off all ties. Don't speak to him. Get money from him for this child. RAISE THIS CHILD THE RIGHT WAY, not to be like a con-artist. I'd also try to get sole custody if I were you. This baby could potentially learn from this con-artist, and some day screw over his life and other people's lives. You have the power to stop this. All of it.

This makes me so angry. More so than any other thread on this forum. I hate this guy so much. You should hate him too! GET MAD DAMNIT! :mad: :mad: :mad:

I have moments of anger! HOW COULD HE DO THIS TO ME!! And I do get MAD! U are all right... he is a horrible man! Why does my heart not truly accept this, my head tells me he is... but my heart is crushed!

The sad thing is I want to tell him wife what he has told me... that he doesn't believe he loves her like he should... that he believes he made a mistake in marrying her... but I feel like I would be a horrible person to do this to her. I feel bad for her!

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Originally Posted by Cece970

Why does my heart not truly accept this, my head tells me he is...but my heart is crushed!

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Because he's a con artist and that's what con artists do! They play with emotions and feelings. That's his JOB! If you didn't feel that way, then he wouldn't be a con artist, and if he didn't have such an ability to manipulate, then you wouldn't be in this emotional mess.

But what happened has happened. Who he is, is who he is. You won't be able to just snap your fingers and wake up because this isn't a dream. The first step to recovery is admitting the problem. Simple problem solving: What is it? Why is it? How to fix it?

What's the problem? Your head and heart are crushed.
Why? Because he's a con artist.
Solution? (I'll leave that for you to answer)

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Originally Posted by Cece970

The sad thing is I want to tell him wife what he has told me...that he doesn't believe he loves her like he should...that he believes he made a mistake in marrying her....but I feel like I would be a horrible person to do this to her. I feel bad for her!

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You have a heart of Gold, but you can't interfer with this marriage unless you absolutely DESPISE this guy and want NOTHING to do with him. Then and only then will your intentions be 100% genuine.

Your mind is always the voice of reason and nine times out of ten that you we should follow it, but we don't we listen to our heart. If only there were some means to link the two together. A lot of times it is the hardest to listen to our minds instead of our heart because we know that our mind is right and that is what we really need to do. You need to cut this guy off with exception of the child if you are ever going to get over him

THANK YOU EURA! I have re-read your post a few times. Hearing from others makes me stronger. I know it is going to take time... I believe that I have the strength to control my life... sometimes I bend. And being able to read what others see helps me tremendously! Again THANK YOU... THANK YOU ALL!

Wow if that ain't a kick in the teeth. I would be mad ALL the time at him. Seriously, take his arse to court, and get child support. It may not make you feel better, but it will protect your kids.