Hi all; I would really like anyone's opinion; but this question is mostly for women; and Christians:
I am currently getting over some personal issues relating to men and self esteem; and have been doing quite okay lately. Ive been uncovering past issues, going to counseling, getting back to my Christian beliefs, etc. But basically I developed a pattern over the last 9-10 years of having frequent sex with no commitment. I recently decided to change my ways for all the right reasons, but...
Although I've become a busy person, my sex drive has not gone away. I cut most everyone else off, but I have had one faithful sex buddy for the most of this time who I am totally comfortable with. I don't want a relationship and have no feelings involved; but he is great in bed and we have had a great arrangement. We get together for a little while for one thing maybe twice a week and go about our business. So my question is, is this wrong? Is there something flawed with me that I feel no guilt and am happy with this arrangement? Am I betraying God? Does this activity somehow ( cosmically or whatever) get in the way of me having a real relationship one day? I am single, not really dating, but I enjoy sex. Also, as a Christian it says pleasing myself is wrong as well..

My friends say this activity is immature and disrespectful to myself; but I don't feel this way. I just like getting my needs met. I don't brag about it, or feel proud; its just something I do.
Would love some outside opinion-)

You have asked a lot of questions in your post. Just to simplify things here so that others might give you the most helpful answers, is there one issue that you might want to address first?

You are not flawed for feeling this way. It is a natural human desire to want to have sexual relations. I go through those feelings and emotions everyday through out the day. However, that is not to justify your actions. I am not scolding you or judging you, I am just trying to make it clear. Any sexual intercourse before marriage is wrong and against the principals of the bible. By having sex you are not betraying God but you are hurting your relationship with Him. I can't say that I have always done the best in this area. I can say that I am a virgin but I have masturbated on several occasions. Really, it comes down to what Christianity means to you and how much you want a relationship with God. Because if you establish a close intimate relationship with God, you won't want to have sex outside of marriage. Those sexual desires will remain but you will find the power and strength to say no. And believe me, it gets extremely hard! I battle this everyday. But all you have to do is rely on God's strength and he will get you through it. If you do happen to stumble at one point, don't fret or give up. If you confess, God will forgive you. Just use that time as a time for learning. By saving sex for marriage you will have the most amazing relationship that you will ever experience. Because that man you marry will love you for who you are, not just because you put out. There will be that deep commitment and bond. So, the sex that you will experience with him will be the most amazing and heartfelt. This will be hard... especially since you have had sex with him for a while but I encourage you to share your heart with him and tell him the way you feel. You will see how much he thinks and cares for you by his reaction. Have respect for yourself to wait for that one man who will treat you like a queen for the rest of your life. Who will love you unconditionally for the beautiful person you are.

Well maybe 2 first lol:
Does this activity somehow get in the way of me having a real relationship one day? And is it a sign of immaturity and degrading myself as a woman ( even if it doesn't feel that way)?

Thanks, that's encouraging. I did tell him yesterday actually and he understood. I did breakdown however and try to IM him tonight; just to see if he was there... lol I don't know if I would have asked him over; but I guess its good he wasn't around lol

You can do it! Just remain strong no matter how much your flesh wants to give in. I will be praying for you. If you need someone to talk to just message me.

The fact that you posted this question suggests to me that on some level/s you may not be as at ease with, or as contented by, your behaviour as you claim...

In my opinion, it is very important to live in accordance with one's own values. Our values are very much tied up with our identity so if we live in a way which is at odds with our values, we tend to experience a lot of inner conflict and emotional distress. Given this, I would suggest that provided your behaviour does not compromise your values (e.g. your faith), it is okay. Other people's values such as your friends are largely irrelevant.

From what you describe, the sexual arrangement you have is consensual and is meeting your (and his) needs for now... perhaps review this as time goes on in case of change. Otherwise, provided neither of you are married (and you are being honest with yourself re your values), I do not see the problem. Enjoy (safely!) and remember that if/when you feel ready for a deeper relationship, you will be deserving of one.

Take care
Dale

It does seem like you're a bit attached to him (emotionally even if you don't admit it).

There's nothing wrong with having a hookup buddy (Christians may crucify me for this), but it does get sticky when you actually want a relationship outside the hookup buddy.

No I'm not attached emotionally. Its more a mix of my religious covictions, and my circle of friends. I hang out with women who have boyfriends, and who demand more from the men they sleep with, place sex higher morally, etc. I should too, but this particular person I have just been so comfortable with; especially without serious emotions, which is rare. I also wouldn't want to create this type of relationship with someone new, because I don't want any new sex partners who I'm not serious with.

But, I'm going to try to be strong