Ask Me Help Desk - Concerns about step-son

I have been Married to my husband for about 2 yrs who has a 6 yr old son. I also Have a son who is 11. About 9 months ago his son came to live with us because his mother had to go to some military school to become a LT. My Husband is also in the military but reserves and not to long ago took a military job. He also has to go to some military schools before he deploys. Ok, so here is my thing. She is getting deployed in May of this year. He is now going to be going to all these schools before he deploys which are 1 month to 3 months schools also his start in April. So who Is left with there son? Me. Now mind you I don't have a problem with him but I go to college in the evenings and when my husband is around He'll watch them and vice-versa so we help each other out. I also take dance classes and go to the gym. Gym is not much of an issue cause they can me watched at the gym. My sons Father takes my son twice a week so on those days I take advatage of it and do whatever I need to do you know like earns. Anyway I don't think it's fair that she is going to school and he is going to school to better themselves and leave their son my step son with me without any help when I myself am going to school to better myself Am I wrong for thinking this I'm sorry but this might sound selfish but to me and he knew this before he married me nothing is going to stop me from finishing school. I told him that from he beginning. I feel like they are just dumping him on me without even asking me or helping me find a solution for this. What should I do? I know I have a responsibility to his kid but even more so they do because they are his "parents".

My only suggestion is to ask about them paying for a sitter, or other type of care program for him. Where does the 11 year old go while you are busy?

Everyone is so busy bettering themselves that no one has time for a kid. Let them worry abut him, it's there kid.

Actually yes it sounds selfish, sorry you asked.

A step parent has to love and accept a step child as much as their own as possible, So why does your dad not also take this child when you do something ? Are there other parents you can trade child care for.

If both his birth parents are away, sometimes it is a duty that a step parent takes, you should have realised that as a step parent, He has not problem caring and providing for your child, that is his step child when he is home?

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Originally Posted by oneguyinohio

My only suggestion is to ask about them paying for a sitter, or other type of care program for him. Where does the 11 year old go while you are busy?

My son goes to his dad's or stays home with My husband and I do the same for him when he has to go out and do something But... Now he's be gone So I can always drop my son At his dad's house but what about his son? It's not like my ex is going to take him to you know?

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Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

Actually yes it sounds selfish, sorry you asked.

A step parent has to love and accept a step child as much as thier own as possible, So why does your dad not also take this child when you do something ? Are there other parents you can trade child care for.

If both his birth parents are away, sometimes it is a duty that a step parent takes, you should have realised that as a step parent, He has not problem caring and providing for your child, that is his step child when he is home ??

To Answer Fr_Chuck question. It's not my dad that watches my son it's My son's father. No one provides for my son but His Father and I. His father pays for his school, His father pays for his medical bill etc... So Now don't you think in some ways they are being selfish because they are going to school to get ahead and leaving him with me to deal with his needs which is fine as long as I have help with him. What About me and my school ? Should I stop for them?

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Originally Posted by Barbie1

To Answer Fr_Chuck question. It's not my dad that watches my son it's My son's father. No one provides for my son but His Father and I. His father pays for his school, His father pays for his medical bill etc... So Now don't you think in some ways they are being selfish because they are going to school to get ahead and leaving him with me to deal with his needs which is fine as long as I have help with him. What About me and my school ? Should I stop for them?

Probably. Being a parent means making sacrifices. You may need to put your schooling on hold for a while to take care of the kids, house, and job while your husband is in the armed forces. Then, when he gets out, he should be willing to put his dreams on hold for a time while you finish your schooling. The other alternative I can think of is co-housing. You might be able to find another woman (possibly with kids of her own) who would be willing to share a house with you, so that you can split the housework and childcare between the two of you, especially if you work alternate shifts. However, that is a pretty rare arrangement. But, quite honestly, it sounds like you are going to have to give on some of your extra-curricular activities, or else get really creative about child care arrangements.

Again, the parents could both contribute toward the cost of child care for the youngster, so that the OP can still have a life. It should be something that they feel responsible for as well without making the OP feel as if she is being taken advantage of. The birth parents should have some consideration for the person who will still be the primary care person in the birth parents absence. I do not think it is unreasonable for the OP to request arrangements of this nature.

They are both being deployed that means that they should have the money to pay for a sitter while you are in school. Listen hun... dont put your school off for anything. Its what's going to help you and those kids have a better life.. its not selfish to want to better yourself and you shouldn't feel guitly. They need to understand... hypethetically what were to happen if you put off school and then you and your hubby separated? What then. You don't deserve to be used as a crutch which is what they are doing to you. Have you even talked to them to express these feelings? Just because you are married to this man does not mean that all responsibility falls on you. There has to be some type of compromise so that everyone wins if you just sit in the corner and let it all happen then it will continue to be this way.. you need to speak up for yourself