I am very concerned about my almost 14 year old stepdaughter. She has had multiple problems over the last year and half. She looks like she is 19 years old for one thing and this attracks the boys and she is very inappropriate with her sexuality for her age. She has gotten into trouble at school 2 x now (once for buying pot and the most recent for taking some adderrol she got from someone and also selling it). The other thing that really worries me is her attachment to her father. I know all kids, especially girls, need to have a close relationship with their Dads. It is just this strange feeling that she wants to be the center of all his thoughts. Her Dad and I have been together since shortly after she turned 3 so it isn't like she isn't used to me. If her Dad and I are sitting beside each other on the couch holding hands or something she has to touch him, try to hold his other hand, put her legs over his, that kind of thing. She won't sleep in her room and tries to sleep in our room if she can get away with it. She will say things like, What are you and me doing for valentines day Dad. I don't know it just seems really freaky. Does anyone have any suggestions about what this is about?:confused:

I'm no psychiatrist, but neither is Doctor Phil. Sounds like she's definitely trying to drive a wedge between you and her father. Are you the "bad guy"? You know, always the one who says "no" to her requests. She might be falling all over him to get what she wants. Her behavior is certainly defiant and dangerous at such a young age. I have a 16-yr old stepson who started that stuff last year... had sex with an 18-yr old girl; smoking pot, etc. He's a very angry young man -- his mom died when he was 11. Same deal with me; I married his father when he was 12, so I've been around for 4 years and I know he sometimes resents me. He didn't when he was younger. Maybe she's starting to resent YOU.
Just some thoughts...

I would really suggest substance abuse treatment and professional counseling.
At the age of 14, if you have begun to experiment with drugs, it is a sign that its going to be a prolonged problem that will only get worse over time, not better. She seems also to have some sort of emotional disorder that makes her seek attention. This may lead to her seeking some sort of emotional satisfaction from men which can end up being unhealthy.

I think that she may be jealous she feels that all your husbands attention is going to you now and she is crying out for some attention. She may feel threatened like you are taking the place of daddys little girl. You may want to sit down and talk with your husband and try to plan some father daughter days. You also may want to plan some things with her and let her know that you aren't trying to take anyone's place in a subtle way.

I feel for you. My step-daughter actually got up and hung off her dad's back during our first dance at our wedding. It was a groom sandwich and so embarrassing. She was 14 at the time and like 5'8" so it was not even a cute "look what she's doing" thing. She would also do things like when we went to restaurants she would demand that he sit next to her in the booth.
I have put my size 7 down and things have changed. She is still very spoiled but when my husband is giving me a neck rub and she screams "rub my neck", he says " hold on, I will when I am done. He used to just stop and rub her neck.
So, bottom line, this is what I did. First I told my husband that I respected his relationship with his daughter but she had ruined our wedding with several other things I did not even mention and that she was not going to ruin our marriage unless he let her. That children grow up and move away and I was here forever so he needed to make it stop. Children respect you more when you give them rules anyway.
Then I did my part also. I let her know that I loved her father with all my heart and that he loved me in the same way but that our hearts are like a big puzzle and there are pieces that fit in. There start to be pieces for our own parents and relatives and then when we find our true love they get a big piece but then our children come along and the puzzle piece they get is so important and fits in and the puzzle is never complete without it. When more children are born our families grow then the puzzle grows.
That worked for me with this step-daughter but like I said in my first post the other two hate me so maybe you should not listen to me.
Please read my question and see if you have any answer for me!